Intelligence (long and racist) *I'm not racist; this is how the joke was told to me by my racist ass granddad. Best told in a Georgia accent.* Two niggers, Calvin and Rastus, are digging a ditch for their boss one hot summer's day. It's REALLY hot, both of them are soaked in sweat. After an hour or so, Calvin pipes up, ""Man Rastus, how it is dat we down here digging dis here ditch, doin' all tha work in the hot sun, and de boss man up theah sittin' in his truck under de tree in de A/C, and he gettin' paid mo' dan us?"" To which Rastus replies, ""Calvin, I don' know or care, all I care is dat we *is* gettin' paid. Shuddup and dig yo' ditch."" So they continue digging. After a while, Calvin brings up the subject again, and again Rastus proceeds to rebuke him. Finally, Calvin broaches the topic for the third time, declaring, ""Man, it ain't *right*!"". Rastus, fed up with listening to Calvin bitch and moan, finally says, ""If it bothers you so damn much, why don't you go *ask* de boss man? Leave me alone!"" To which Calvin replies, ""You know, I think I will!"" So as Calvin ambles up to the boss man's shaded truck, the boss rolls down the window. ""Can I help you Calvin? Need some water?"" he asks. ""Naw boss man, I got plenny o' water. It's just that I was wondrin', well, Rastus an' I was wondrin', well, mostly Rastus was doin' the wondrin', why it is dat you gettin paid so much mo' dan us to sit up heah in the cool shade, while we down theah breakin' our backs in de heat?"" The boss man replies, ""That's a very valid question, Calvin. The answer is a thing called *intelligence*."" Calvin scratches his head and asks, "" 'Telligence....what dat is?"" The boss man sighs and says, ""Well, I could tell you, but it'd be easier for me just to show you"", and he steps out of his truck. Walking over to the big oak tree, he places his hand palm-down on the trunk of the tree. ""Calvin, I want you to take your shovel and hit my hand AS HARD AS YOU CAN."" ""Oh no boss man, I ain't gonna do dat. I'd get fired n' locked up fo' sho'."" ""Calvin, I'm telling you, I want you to swing your shovel as hard as you can and hit my hand with it."" Calvin, looking around nervously, asks ""You sho' boss? Aight then..."" Calvin takes a massive windup, and swings his shovel head as hard as he can at the boss's hand. At the last moment, the boss man moves his hand and the shovel strikes the trunk of the tree. The resultant reverberations shake Calvin to his core, and he stumbles around dazed and rattled, barely able to keep ahold of his shovel. The boss man says, ""*That's* intelligence. Now get some water and go help out Rastus"". Calvin, still shaken, walks slowly back to the ditch. Rastus sees him coming as goes out to meet him. ""What de boss man say, Calvin? He tell you anythin'?"" Calvin, beginning to recover his nerves, replies, ""Well, he said it was somethin' called ""'telligence"""". Rastus thinks about that for a moment, and asks, """"Telligence...what dat is?"" Calvin replies, ""Well, I could tell ya, but it'd be easier for me just to show ya."" He looks around for a tree, but none are within a reasonable distance. Calvin then puts his hand in front of his face and says, ""Now Rastus, I want you to swing yo' shovel at my hand as hard as you can...""