#calvin

Saw the trailer for Life Of Pi. Why are they making a Calvin & Hobbes movie in 2013?

Gang tip: If a rival gang tags their symbol on your turf, don't cover it. Add a drawing of Calvin peeing on it. Now who's stupid? They are!

Me: The Calvin and Hobbes movie was awesome! Her: Idiot, that was Life of Pi. Me: Whatever *gets in cardboard time machine, flies to Mars*

Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris called it quits. But I am looking forward to her next album devoted to the break-up called 'Calvin and Sobs'.

Intelligence (long and racist) *I'm not racist; this is how the joke was told to me by my racist ass granddad. Best told in a Georgia accent.* Two niggers, Calvin and Rastus, are digging a ditch for their boss one hot summer's day. It's REALLY hot, both of them are soaked in sweat. After an hour or so, Calvin pipes up, ""Man Rastus, how it is dat we down here digging dis here ditch, doin' all tha work in the hot sun, and de boss man up theah sittin' in his truck under de tree in de A/C, and he g…

In awkward situations I'll sometimes break out my braille version of Calvin and Hobbes. You know - comic relief.

Melvin Calvin walks into a bar... ....sits down, and orders a scotch. At the other end of the bar he sees a geologist knocking them back like there's no tomorrow. Concerned, Calvin approaches the man and says, ""What's troubling you friend?"" The geologist says, ""I broke my carbon today at work, oh my god, I'm gonna get fired, I have a family, what's going to happen to my kids?"" Then a dawn of realization hits him. ""Wait, you're Melvin Calvin! Can you fix my Carbon?"" Calvin thinks about it a…

A lady went to the police station to file a report for her missing Husband Lady: I lost my Husband. Inspector: What is his height? Lady: I never noticed Inspector: Slim or healthy? Lady: Not slim can be healthy Inspector: Colour of eyes? Lady: Never noticed Inspector: Colour of hair? Lady: Changes according to season Inspector: What was he wearing? Lady: suit/casuals I don't remember exactly Inspector: Was somebody with him ? Lady: Yes my Labrador dog, Calvin, tied with a golden chain, height 30…

My dad's day at work... My dad is a police officer out here in New Jersey (US), and the irony is perfect. My dad drives up to a nearby school and spots three teenagers smoking cigarettes out back. Somebody recently called from the area about a kid who was stealing outside equipment from the neighborhood and one of the teenagers matched the description. My dad drives up to them and calls the one matched over to his car. He asks him what they've been doing and the normal of an officer. My dad then…

Calvin went to Pearson's Pet Shop to complain that his canary wouldn't sing. ""File the beak just a little"" said the owner ""and the bird will sing. But if you file it too much the canary will die."" Two weeks later Pearson ran into Calvin on the street and asked about his canary. ""He died"" said Calvin. ""But I told you not to file the beak too much."" ""I didn't"" explained Calvin ""but by the time I got him out of the vise he was already dead.""

Randall: “Now that you are married, I suppose you will take out an insurance policy?” Calvin: “Oh, no! I do not think she is going to be dangerous!”

Calvin watched as his mother put cream all over her face. “What's that for Mummy?” he asked. “To make Mummy more beautiful” she replied. A little later as she started to remove the cream, Little Johnny said, “You're not giving up already are you!?” 1582. Lionel asks his Grandfather, “Granddad, as you get older, do you find that you sleep more?” “Yes” replied his Granddad, “but it is mainly in the afternoons!”

Little Calvin came home from the public library with a volume entitled, “Care and Management of Children.” “For heaven’s sake, Calvin”, exclaimed his astonished mother, “what are you doing with a book like that?” “Oh”, replied curious Calvin, “I want to see if I am being brought up properly!”