#san-francisco

I think the San Francisco 49ers should embrace their region's history and name their cheerleaders the Gold Diggers

*runs into san francisco restaurant* THE KALE WASN'T LOCALLY SOURCED *sound of 100s of ubers smashing into each other outside restaurant*

1995: the information superhighway will mean anyone can do anything from anywhere 2015: must be willing to relocate to San Francisco

The woman seated next to me wanted to know if San Francisco is near the water. I replied, "What's water?" so she wouldn't feel stupid.

My brother's so homophobic that if he dropped his keys in San Francisco he'd kick them to Oakland before bending over to pick them up.

A sign on the Golden Gate Bridge reads: ""Now entering San Francisco, chains required... ...whips optional""

Two Friends on a Hunting Trip I work as a park ranger, and this rather lengthy story was passed on to my by a buddy of mine. Not so long ago two good friends from college decided to have a ten year reunion. One was a successful certified public accounted who lived in San Francisco. A rising star in his field, he invited his buddy to fly back to the States for a unique reunion trip. This friend was a fashion designer born, raised, and living in Prague, a Czechoslovakian. The two friends boarded t…

Why are so many people in San Francisco homeless? They can't afford an apartment because they only make 50 grand per year.

Three guys go hunting The first guy, from Georgia, walks off from the hunting camp and returns an hour later with a deer. The other two hunters ask him how he did it. ""Found the tracks, followed the tracks, shot the deer."" The second guy, from Alabama, walks off and returns with a bear. The other two guys ask him how he did it. ""Found the tracks, followed the tracks, shot the bear."" The third guy, from San Francisco, walks off and returns all beaten up and battered. The other two guys ask hi…

What paper do you read? The Wall Street Journal - Read by people who run the country. The Washington Post - Read by people who THINK they run the country. The New York Times - Read by people who think they SHOULD be running the country. The Boston Globe - Read by people whose parents used to run the country, and they did a far superior job of it, thank you very much. The NY Daily News - Read by people who don't care who's running the country as long as they can get a seat on the subway. The San …

The United States Naval Construction Forces turned down a contract to build a new bridge between San Francisco and Oakland. Their representative said it'd ruin their image if they took on a project easy enough for BayBees

I don't support the gay lifestyle in San Francisco It's way too expensive there. They should move to somewhere a lot cheaper so they can save more money.

Walking through San Francisco 's Chinatown , a tourist from the Midwest was enjoying the artistry of all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners......When he turned a corner and saw a building with the sign 'Moishe Plotnik's Laundry.' 'Moishe Plotnik?' he wondered. ""How does that belong in Chinatown ?"" He walked into the shop and saw a fairly standard looking dry cleaner, although he could see that the proprietors were clearly aware of the uniqueness of the store name as there were b…

Guys: What should you do if you drop your wallet in San Francisco? Kick that shit to Oakland!!

Trans-continental blonde .... A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?' The agent replies, 'Just a minute.' 'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.

Thor in San Francisco Thor arrives in San Francisco and proudly announces ""I AM THOR!"" I flamboyantly gay man looks at him and states ""You're thore? I'm tho thore I can hardly pith.""

Banking A Chinese laundryman living in San Francisco opens a savings account at the bank and goes regularly to deposit his profits. After several months he has saved up a considerable sum. One day, he comes into the bank and says that he wants to withdraw all his money. The clerk is surprised, so the Chinaman explains that he is about to get married and go on his honeymoon. The manager is called and tries to persuade the man to just withdraw enough for his immediate requirements. He also explain…

I heard that San Francisco had to change their team name to the 29ers this year... because 20 of them left in the offseason.

What do the post office and the San Francisco 49ers have in common? They don't deliver on Sunday

The Brass Rat A man, visiting San Francisco, noticed a musty curio shop, which seemed to be forgotten by time. It seemed very out of place in the busy city. The man's curiosity was piqued, and he entered the shop. The store didn't seem to have much traffic, and the shelves were full of dusty, but interesting items. The man found himself strangely interested in a rather ugly brass rat on a shelf behind the counter. Ugly it was, but he had never seen anything like it -- it was so incredibly detail…

A guy is visiting San Francisco, and walks into a small store in Chinatown. He notices a small bronze statue of a rat. He asks the owner ""how much"", and the owner replies ""$50 for the bronze rat, and $1000 for the story behind it."" The guy says, ""forget the story"", and buys the rat. As he's walking down the street he notices two live rats following him. As he continues to walk, more rats start following him. He starts to get a little concerned, and heads for the waterfront. By the time he …

There was a Mensa convention in SF. (Grandpa's joke) > > Some years ago, there was a Mensa convention in San Francisco. Mensa, as you know, is a national organization for people who have an IQ of 140 or > higher. > Several of the Mensa members went out for lunch at a local cafe. When they sat down, one of them discovered that their salt shaker contained pepper, > and their pepper shaker was full of salt. How could they swap the contents of the two bottles without spilling any, and…

Did you hear Green Bay (NFL) is in the process of a buyout by Ghiradelli chocolates? They will be renamed the San Francisco Fudge Packers.

All the guys here in San Francisco are super nice. They keep asking if they can push my stool in. Even when I'm already sitting down or there are no chairs around.

Who wins in a race to San Francisco, the lesbian couple or the gay couple? The lesbians. They get there lickity split while the gays are still packin it in!