#miller

After years of failure, the "scientist" that had been trying to create a fake urine nearly went mad after he drank his first Miller Lite.

I just passed a beer truck on the highway. "Wait a minute. I'm named after beer?!!?" -My 6 yr old son, Miller

Bartender: What can I get you, gorgeous? Me: The blood of all my enemies. Bartender: Me: Bartender: Me: Miller Light

3 Women In A Bar A redhead asks the bartender for a ML: Bartender - ""what's a ML?"" redhead - "" Miller Lite - DUH!"" The Brunette asks for a BL: Bartender - ""what's a BL?"" brunette - ""Bud Lite - DUH!"" The Blonde asks for a ""15"" Bartender - ""what's a ""15""?"" Blond - "" Seven and seven - DUH!""

the head brewmasters of Budweiser, Miller, and Guinness walk into a bar.. the brewmaster of Budweiser orders first and proudly asks for the most popular brew in America, a Bud Light. the brewmaster of Miller smiles and asks for a true original, a Miller Lite. the brewmaster of Guinness winces and orders a Diet Coke. ""a Diet Coke?!,"" exclaim the others.. ""don't you drink Guinness?"" ""well shit no one else was having beer I didn't want to be the only one,"" he complained.

A Mexican, a Black Man, and a Redneck... They're walking down the road when they stumble across a genie lamp. They agree to split the wishes equally. They rub the lamp, and the genie comes out. ""I am prepared to give 3 wishes, and 3 wishes only..."" The genie says. ""So who's going first?"" The black man shouts, ""ME! I AM! ME!"" The genie says; ""Okay, what would you like?"" The black man says; ""I want me and all my people back in Africa, the cradle of civilisation, where we can live in peace…

In the beginning... Miller Brewing said, ""Let there be Lite."" The Fat Broad said, ""Less filling, but I'm not sure it tastes great.""

Coffee with Jesus A Republican in a wheelchair, entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Republican looked across the restaurant and asked ""Is that Jesus sitting over there?"" The waitress nodded ""yes!"" So, the Republican requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him. The next patron to come in was a Libertarian, with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced a…

A husband and his wife are at the grocery store... The husband picks up a case of Miller Lite and puts it in the cart. 'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife. 'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans', he replies. 'Put them back, it's a waste of money', demands the wife, and so he does and they carry on shopping. A few aisles further on along, the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket. What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband. ""It's my face cream. It m…

A frenchman,a texan, and a mexican are sitting on a bridge So the three men are sitting on a bridge when suddenly a genie appears and grants each of the men a wish. So the Frenchman says ""I wish i had a nice bottle of aged wine."" The Frenchman gets the bottle of wine,opens it, takes one swig and throws it off the bridge. The Texan and Mexican say ""Hey! what did you do that for?!"" and the Frenchman replies ""That bottle was nothing. Back in France there is plenty of wine. Its all over the pla…

It's not on a map, or some app. MILLER LIGHT

Guy comes into my bar and wants any beer but a stinkin Budweiser. So I pour him a Coors light. He slams it down and says ""Hey barkeep! Gimmie another beer, as long as it ain't one of them stinkin Budweisers!"" So I pour him a Lone Star and he slams it back like the previous pint. ""Hey barkeep! Gimmie another beer, as long as it ain't one of those stinkin Budweisers!"" As I pour him a Miller Lite, I ask him why he hates those ""stinkin Budweisers"" He tells me ""last night, I drank a case of th…

20 Truths For Mature Humans http://nookbank.com/jokes 1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. 2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. 3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. 4. There is great need for a sarcasm font. 5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? 6. Was learning cursive really necessary? 7. Map Quest really needs to st…

I read an article last night... I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons, and memories came flooding back of the time I took my son out for his first drink. Off we went to our local bar, which is only two blocks from the house. I got him a Miller Genuine. He didn't like it so I drank it. Then I got him an Old Style, he didn't like it either, so I drank it. It was the same with the Coors and the Bud and the Leinies. By the time we got down to the Irish whiskey, I could hardly p…

[att. Aesop] The Miller and His Son A MILLER and his son were driving their Ass to a neighboring fair to sell him. They had not gone far when they met with a troop of women collected round a well, talking and laughing. ""Look there,"" cried one of them, ""did you ever see such fellows, to be trudging along the road on foot when they might ride?' The old man hearing this, quickly made his son mount the Ass, and continued to walk along merrily by his side. Presently they came up to a group of old …

So a rabbi is performing a wedding And he has about an hour to go before the ceremony. He has everything in place when he realizes he forgot the chuppah, and its too late for him to go back to the synagogue and get it. So he starts running around nearby homes, trying to find someone who has a canopy, and he starts to get more and more desperate, asking for bed sheets or anything that will work, and he has no luck at all. So finally he runs into an Irish pub that's just down the road and he stagg…

Beer CEOs walk into a bar... The CEOs of Budweiser, Guinness, Coors, and Miller all walk into a bar after a beer-tasting contest. The CEO of Budweiser steps up to the bar and says: ""I'll have a Budweiser, the King of Beers!"" The Coors CEO says: ""I'll have a Coors, the beer as cool as the Rockies!"" The Miller CEO says, in turn: ""I'll have the good ol' taste of a triple-hops brewed Miller!"" The CEO of Guinness ponders for a moment and says to the bartender: ""Oh, I'll just have a Coke."" Bew…

Beer drinkers In Amsterdam, a world wide convention of brewers was held. The presidents of many of the world's greatest breweries were on hand, and many of them decided to go out for dinner together on the first evening. The waiter asked what they would like to drink, and the CEO of Miller said, ""The Best Beer in the world, an MGD please!"" The president of Budweiser asked for ""The King of Beers, make it a Bud!"". Adolph Coors requested a ""From mountain spring water, the clearest beer, a Coor…

Only Beer drinkers would understand In Amsterdam, a world wide convention of brewers was held. The presidents of many of the world's greatest breweries were on hand, and many of them decided to go out for dinner together on the first evening. The waiter asked what they would like to drink, and the CEO of Miller said, ""The Best Beer in the world, an MGD please!"" The president of Budweiser asked for ""The King of Beers, make it a Bud!"". Adolph Coors requested a ""From mountain spring water, the…

After his legs had been broken in an accident, Mr. Miller sued for damages, claiming that he was crippled and would have to spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair. Although the insurance company doctor testified that his bones had healed properly and that he was fully capable of walking, the judge decided for the plaintiff and awarded him $500,000. When he was wheeled into the insurance company office to collect his check, Miller was confronted by several executives. ""You're not getting awa…

Husband down.. Aisle 7 A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a case of Miller Lite and puts it in their cart. 'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife. 'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans', he replies. 'Put them back, it's a waste of money', demands the wife, and so he does and they carry on shopping. A few aisles further on along, the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket. What do you think you're doing?' asks the …

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a ...case of Miller Lite and puts it in their cart... ...'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife. 'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans', he replies. 'Put them back, it's a waste of money', demands the wife, and so he does and they carry on shopping. A few aisles further on along, the woman picks up a $20 jar of ...face cream and puts it in the basket. What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband... "I…

Three CEO's from different beer companies are sitting at a bar... And the one from Bud light says, "Alright barkeep, give me a tall glass of bud light!" And then the second one, from Miller light says, "ok barkeep, serve me a nice bottle of cold miller light!" And then the CEO of Guinness says, well, "I suppose I'll have a glass of Coca-Cola." The other two turn to him like he's crazy and say, "what, you aren't going to order Guinness?" To which he replies, "well if you two aren't going to…

In memory of Sir Robin Wiiliams here are lists of top 5 funny jokes that gives me so much laugh.. thanks so much for brighten our day for a while Robin! #1 “Beer commercials usually show big men, manly men, doing manly things: ‘You’ve just killed a small animal. It’s time for a light beer.’ Why not have a realistic beer commercial, with a realistic thing about beer, where someone goes, ‘It’s 5 o’clock in the morning. You’ve just pissed on a dumpster. It’s Miller time.’ #2 “You know, you get th…

My first drink with my son I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons, and memories came flooding back of the time I took my son out for his first drink. Off we went to our local bar, which is only two blocks from the house. I got him a Miller Genuine. He didn't like it – so I drank it. Then I got him a Fosters, he didn't like it either, so I drank it. It was the same with the Coors and the Bud. By the time we got down to the Irish whiskey, I could hardly push the stroller…