#oclock

I got tired of resetting all my clocks after all the power outages this week. Today I woke up at the crack of random, blinking time o'clock.

I just said, "who the hell is calling here at 9 o'clock at night?" and I died a little on the inside.

"It's five o'clock somewhere" I say as I leave work at 9am

Army guy: sniper in the clock tower, 6 o'clock Me [seeing the time on the clock tower says 5 o'clock]: we'll worry about him in an hour then

"It's 10 o'clock. Do you know where your son is?" "I'm at home, mom. You raised a loser."

parents: okay we will be home at 11 o'clock! clock: 11:01 me: they're dead i'm alone i need to start my orphan life now

Nancy Grace just called pot smokers "fat and lazy". Right. Unlike the buff marathon runners home 4 o'clock on a Monday watching your show.

[drops son off for 1st day at daycare] "Ok, Mr Hughes, see you at 3 o'clock." "Not a chance. He's your problem now."

"It's 5 o'clock somewhere." - a shitty watch.

How many mistakes can you find in this joke? So I was link surfing when I stopped to read this joke. Not only is it an awful joke, it's full of mistakes... which makes it funny(er). ------------ On New Year's Eve, Daniel was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the car park and walked home. As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman. 'What are you doing out here at four o'clock in the morning?' asked the police officer. 'I'm on my way to a lecture,' answered Roger. '…

A lazy son's father comes home... ... And tells him son, who is laying on the couch all day:""Son, I talked to one of my friends and I have managed to get you a job!"" ""But dad..."" says his son ""I don't want to work, it's way too hard."". His father respons:""That's the good thing about it! It's the easiest job ever: You will work as a security guard at the old cemetery. All you have to do is sit behind the gate and wait till 4 o'clock and you will also get a lot of money for it."". ""Well...…

Stranger at the Door A man and his wife are awakened, at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. ""Not a chance,"" says the husband, ""it is 3 o'clock in the morning! He slams the door and returns to bed. Who was that?"" asked his wife. Just some drunk guy asking for a push,"" he answers. Did you help him? She asks. No, I did not, it is 3 o'clock in the morning and …

A horse and a ram were sitting in a bar. ""Fancy another beer?"" said the horse. ""It's thirsty work pulling that cart all day."" ""I know what you mean,"" replied the ram. ""I've been stuck in a field all afternoon with no protection whatsoever from the sun. And the only water we get comes in a through that is filled with grass, muck and wool. I've been gasping for a cold beer since about three o'clock."" ""It's appalling the working conditions we have to endure."" said the horse. ""Tell me abo…

A man has an urgent need to get a potato clock. He was bewildered at first, but he wanted to make his new boss happy, so he went to the local clock shop and asked ""Do you happen to have a potato clock?"" Inwhich the clerk said he didn't, and told him to try the hardware store. So the man walked to the hardware store and explained to the shopkeeper that he really needed a potato clock, but unfortunately they didn't have one. The shopkeeper asks ""Why on earth do you need a potato clock?"" To whi…

A married man was having an affair with his secretary One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house. Exhausted from the afternoon's activities, they fell asleep and awoke around 8 pm. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home. ""Where have you been?"" demanded his wife when he entered the house. ""Darling,"" replied the man, ""I …

It was two o'clock in the morning... ...and a husband and wife were sleeping when suddenly the phone rang. The husband picked up the phone and said, ""Hello? (paused for a few seconds) How the heck do I know? What am I, the weather man?"" and slams the phone down. His wife rolls over and asks, ""Who was that?"" The husband replies, ""I don't know. Some guy who wanted to know if the coast was clear tonight.""

After being invited for a night out with ""the boys""... After being invited for a night out with ""the boys"", a man promised his wife he would be home by midnight. Having not seen his friends in a while, the man lets time get away from him and gets wasted, stumbling out of his taxi 3 hours late. As he tries to sneak into the bedroom, the cuckoo clock started and cuckooed 3 times. Realizing that his wife would probably wake up, he had a great idea and cuckooed another 9 times so his wife would …

I was at my pal Dave's house yesterday... About five o'clock I told Dave I had a dinner party to go to. Dave's such a pal, he offered to give me one of his finest, live lobsters. ""Here"" he said lifting the lobster from the tank ""take this to your dinner party"". I took the lobster. ""Thank you"" I said ""but the dinner party is filled, so instead I'll take him dancing"". (I heard this one over the weekend and could not remember exactly how it went, so it may not be spot on...but I hope you'll…

A winery is looking for a taster and so the vintner puts an ad out in the paper. The next day, a man arrives at the office. He has greasy hair and a five o'clock shadow, he's wearing a filthy jacket and torn jeans, he obviously hasn't had a shower since Christ was crucified, and he smells strongly of stale tobacco smoke and cheap beer. The vintner sees the man's obviously a homeless dipsomaniac, so he tries to turn him away, but the man tells him he's here about the job. ""Well, all right, then,…

A man goes to visit his grandpa in hospital.. A man goes to visit his grandpa in hospital. ""How are you grandpa? he asks. ""Feeling fine,"" says the old man. ""What's the food like?"" ""Terrific, wonderful menus."" ""And the nursing?"" ""Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you."" ""What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?"" ""No problem at all --- nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet ... and that's it. I go…

This morning I had a 10 o'clock meeting and got there at 9:11. Too soon.

Lunch First time posting. Sorry for the bad grammar and punctuation. There were three construction workers an English and Indian and a Chinese. Everyday at 12 o'clock they'd sit down and eat their lunch. They'd been working at this construction site for a month and everyday they would have the same food. The English man had his fish and chip. The Indian man had his rice and curry and the Chinese man had his chow mein. One lunch time, fed up with their lunch they decided if they had the same lunc…

Hired Hand A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved to b…

My Science Book's Favorite Joke Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. They find a beautiful spot and set up their tent. After a full day of enjoying nature, they go into their tent and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes Watson and says, ""Look up at the sky and tell me what you see."" Watson is awestruck. After a moment, he says, ""I see countless stars."" Mr. Holmes replies, ""What does that tell you?"" Watson considers for a moment and says, ""It tells me that the unive…

Once a clock was very tired.. What does that clock say at 1 o'clock night? 1 AM feeling very sleepy.