#roger

[couple who talks via walkie talkie] GIRL: [into walkie] this relationship is over, over GUY: *cries into walkie* it's roger isn't it?? over

Naming your child "Roger" is fine, until you have to tell someone about it over a two-way radio.

Roger the Living Head [Story Joke] So there's this newly married couple, and they love each other quite a bit. So they decide they're going to have a child. Nine months goes by and it's time for the child to be delivered, but when the doctors pull the baby out, it is only a head. It's still crying and healthy, but it has no body besides its head. The doctors are amazed, but the parents are heartbroken. They decide that they are going to name the baby Roger after his father's father, and that the…

How many mistakes can you find in this joke? So I was link surfing when I stopped to read this joke. Not only is it an awful joke, it's full of mistakes... which makes it funny(er). ------------ On New Year's Eve, Daniel was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the car park and walked home. As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman. 'What are you doing out here at four o'clock in the morning?' asked the police officer. 'I'm on my way to a lecture,' answered Roger. '…

Roger Waters is playing Pokemon Blue on a Game Boy... A younger guy gets up the nerve to walk up to him and say ""That pretty cool. Were you always a Pokemon fan?"" ""Oh yeah, the Game Boy was just the coolest thing when it came out"" he replies. ""I remember, yeah, it really was. You know, it's funny, I played mine so much I used to have a name for it. It was like a friend you could always turn to, you know?"" The young man realizes that he's saying stupid things in front of his idol Roger Wate…

The answer is 600 inches. What is the question? Is it ""If Johnny Manziel led the Cleveland Browns to a SuperBowl victory over the Patriots by throwing a TD to LeBron James and they celebrate in the end zone by gang banging Michael Sam, is that an albatross in Roger Goodell's pants or is he just happy to see this go down?

A funeral procession drives passed a golf course... Where three men are golfing. One of the guys stops lining up his shot and holds his hand over his heart. The others exclaim, ""Roger, that's really kind of you to do that""! Roger replies, ""It's the least I could do. I was married to her for 40 years"".

Robotic Golf Caddies (Racist joke... sorry) Roger recently retired from 40 years at GE. He decided his new hobby would be golf. He took his old clubs, went to the golf course, and paid for a round of golf. The club clerk informed him, ""We have new robotic caddies. Just from the factory; still white and shiny! They are complimentary. They will tell you which club to use, how far from the hole, etc..."" ""Great?"" replied Roger, not really knowing what to think. When he finished his round the cle…

Three friends were on a desert island. They were Roger, a married man, Carl, a famous athlete, and Stevie, the third friend usually alone. One day, while working on their survival, they came across a brass lamp on the ground. They each took turns cleaning it, when all of the sudden a genie came out! All three were startled by the billowing form of the genie hovering over them, and watched in awe. The genie spoke, saying ""I have been asleep for ten thousand years. Who awoke me?"" Roger said, ""W…

I introduced my new girlfriend to my family last night... ""This is my dad Roger,"" I said, ""And this is my twin brother Dave."" ""Nice to meet you,"" she smiled. ""Who's the oldest?"" I said, ""My dad.""

So a blond is in the military. So a blonde girl is a Sergeant in the military. She is giving orders to a Private. After she finishes giving orders, the Private responds. ""Roger"" So the blonde says ""My names not roger?""

The Gay Man and the Support Group A gay man decided that he needed to join a support group to deal with the loss of his boyfriend. He goes, and meets 2 widows who suggest that he does something nice with his boyfriend's ashes. One of the widows says ""I took my Roger skydiving with me. It was the best thing I've ever done!"" The other widow then says ""Oh that's nothing. I took my husband's ashes on a cruise around the world."" So the gay guy thinks about what he could do, and soon comes up with…

Three men die and go to heaven and queue to meet St. Peter. St. Peter: Hi what's your name? Paul: My name is Paul. St. Peter: Hi Paul. Tell me when you died how much were you earning? Paul: 120K. St. Peter: Wow! Tell me Paul what were you doing to earn that kind of money? Paul: I was a lawyer. St. Peter: That's great. Come on in. St. Peter then turned to the second man. Hi what's your name? Roger: My name is Roger. St. Peter: Hi Roger. Tell me when you died how much were you earning? Roger: 60…

Roger was sitting in a very full bus when a fat woman opposite said ""If you were a gentleman young man you'd stand up and let someone else sit down."" ""And if you were a lady"" replied Roger ""you'd stand up and let four people sit down.""

Pilot: Tower please call me a fuel truck. Tower: Roger. You are a fuel truck.

Roger and Jenny on their wedding night . . . Roger, 85, married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old. Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together. After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the expected knock on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Roger, her 85…

2 Newfies are landing a airplane 2 Newfies are landing an airplane. The pilot says to the co-pilot, "That runway looks pretty short, better give me half flaps". "Roger" says the co-pilot. The pilot says, "That runway is really short, better give me 3/4 flaps." After a second, the pilot screams, "The runway is REALLY short, give me full flaps and brake hard as soon as we touch down!". The plane lands and come to a screeching halt immediately. The co-pilot says, "Wow, that runway was really…

Roger, 85, married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together. After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the expected knock on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Roger, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite a…

A classic rock riddle John, Keith, Pete, and Roger sat in a room and were asked to name the people that came in. Five people were brought in. One was named Miles. Another Miles, and two more also were called Miles. But one was named Myles. One of the four of those quizzed said "I can see five Miles." A second one said "I can see five Miles." The third of them also answered "I can see five Miles." But only the fourth one got it correct.…

I went to the temporary tattoo parlor yesterday and got a tattoo of my favorite cartoon character, Roger the Alien, but when I tried to wash it off later that night, it wouldn't come off!! So I went back to the parlor to complain, and it was gone.

TIL that 50% of Roger Federer's...... ....name is "er"

The difference between men and women Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie

NASA launched a rocket to Mars with an American and two monkeys on board. NASA radioed the first monkey and said: "Adjust oxygen 20 per cent, stop radar and phase to warp factor three." The first monkey replied: "Okay, roger that." NASA then radioed the second monkey: "Switch off engine three, start the radiation shield and adjust the anti-gravitation throttle." "Roger that," said the second monkey. Then NASA radioed the American: "Feed the monkeys and don't touch a goddamn thing!"