#oclock

On Monday I said to my boss, ""I have a dentist's appointment this afternoon. Can I leave at 2.30 and make up the time later in the week?"" ""No problem,"" he said. On Friday he pulled me up and said, ""What's this? You've put on your timesheet that you finished at 5 o'clock on Monday."" ... Read more...

Indians and their Discount. I asked Rajesh what time is it? He replied, "" Its 3 O'clock my friend but for you I will make it 2.30.

My neighbor is crazy. After playing some Justin Bieber at high volume at 7 o'clock this morning, he commited suicide by shooting himself 8 times in the back with my gun.

SCORE! Some girl on my friends list asked me to meet her for drinks tonight! All I need to do is hit the ATM and lose 70 lbs by 8 O'Clock.

From : Managing Director To : Executive Director ""Tomorrow morning there will be a total eclipse of the sun at nine o'clock. This is something which we cannot see everyday, so let the work-force line up outside, in their best clothes to watch it. To mark the occasion of this rare occurrence, I will personally explain the phenomenon to them. If it is raining we will not be able to see it very well and in that case the work force should assemble in the canteen."" From : Executive Director To : De…

One time an electrician came home drunk at four o'clock in the morning. ""Wire you insulate?"" his wife scolded. ""Watts it to you?"" he snapped. ""I'm ohm, ain't I?""

A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in Rome, Italy. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any snails for this dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket she was handing him to gather some snails. Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps, and out to the beach. As he was collectin…

Q: What time do kids need naps? A: At whine o'clock.

Memos For An Eclipse Memo from Director General to Manager: Today at 11 o'clock there will be a total eclipse of the sun. This is when the sun disappears behind the moon for two minutes. As this is something that cannot be seen every day, time will be allowed for employees to view the eclipse in the car park. Staff should meet in the car park at ten to eleven, when I will deliver a short speech introducing the eclipse, and giving some background information. Safety goggles will be made available…

What do vampires have at eleven o'clock every day? A coffin break.

1st man: ""My neighbors were screaming and yelling at three o'clock this morning!"" 2nd man: ""Did they wake you?"" 1st man: ""Nah....I was up playing my bagpipes.""

Grandpa: You youngsters are soft and lazy today. When I was your age I got up at six o'clock every morning and walked five or six miles before breakfast. I used to think nothing of it. Fred: I don't blame you Grandpa. I wouldn't thinkmuch of it myself.

Three old men are sitting on the porch of a retirement home. The first says ""Fellas I got real problems. I'm seventy years old. Every morning at seven o'clock I get up and I try to urinate. All day long I try to urinate. They give me all kinds of medicine but nothing helps."" The second old man says ""You think you have problems. I'm eighty years old. Every morning at 8:00 I get up and try to move my bowels. I try all day long. They give me all kinds of stuff but nothing helps."" Finally the …

Paddy 'n' Mick join the army and are put on street patrol in a city with a military curfew. They are given instructions to shoot anybody who's on the streets after 6 o'clock. So one day they're out at twenty to 6 when Paddy spots a man walking on the other side of the street. He lines up the man in his sights and shoots the man dead. Mick is shocked. ""What are you doin' Paddy? It ain't 6 yet!"" ""I know what I'm doin'. I know where he lives and he wouldn't have made it!""

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking ""What time is it?"" The tower responded ""Who is calling?"" The aircraft replied ""What difference does it make?"" The tower replied ""It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines flight it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force plane it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraf…

They were married but since the argument they had a few days earlier they hadn't been talking to each other. Instead they were giving each other written notes. One evening he gave her a paper where it said: ""Wake me up tomorrow morning at 6 am."" The next morning he woke up and saw that it was 9 o'clock. Naturally he got very angry but as he turned around he found a note on his pillow saying: ""Wake up it's 6 o'clock!""

The angry wife met her husband at the door. His breath stunk of alcohol and his face was plastered with lipstick. ""I assume"" she barked ""there is a very good reason for you to come drifting in at six o'clock in the morning?"" ""There is!"" he replied ""Breakfast.""

Knock Knock Who's there ! Anthea ! Anthea who ? Anthea get home by 8 O'clock or else !

A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in Rome Italy. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute she realized that she didn't have any snails for this dinner party so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket she was handing him to gather some snails. Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket walked out the door down the steps and out to the beach. As he was collecting …

This morning I felt that today was going to be my lucky day. I got up at seven had seven dollars in my pocket there were seven of us at lunch and there were seven horses in the seven o'clock race - so I backed the seventh. Did it win? No it came seventh.

Two boys camping out in a backyard wanted to know the time so they began singing at the top of their voices. Eventually one of the neighbours threw open his window and shouted down at them ""Hey less noise! don't you know it's three o'clock in the morning!""

Murphy said to his daughter ""I want you home by eleven o'clock."" She said ""But Father I'm no longer a child!"" He said ""I know that's why I want you home by eleven.""

At three o'clock one morning a veterinary surgeon was woken from a deep sleep by the ringing of his telephone. He staggered downstairs and answered the phone. ""I'm sorry if I woke you"" said a voice at the other end of the line. ""That's all right"" said the vet ""I had to get up to answer the telephone anyway.""

A dentist after completing work on a patient came to him begging. Dentist: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest most painful screams? Patient: Why? Docor it wasn't all that bad this time. Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don't want to miss the four o'clock ball game.

Air Traffic Control On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?" The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference.. . If it is a commercial flight, it is 3 o'clock . If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours. If …