#1st-man

Two married man talking.. 1st man: Im so lucky, my wife is an angel. 2nd man: Good for you! Mine's still alive.

3 men and their lunch 3 men were sitting eating their lunch... The 1st man had Spag Bol for lunch and yelled out in frustration - ""Spag Bol! SPAG BOL AGAIN!! I swear if I get Spag Bol for lunch again I will kill myself >("" The 2nd man had a Turkey Sandwich for lunch and he yelled out in frustration - ""Turkey Sandwich! TURKEY SANDWICH AGAIN!! I swear if I get Turkey Sandwich for lunch again I will kill myself >("" The 3rd man had Roast Beef for lunch and he also yelled out in frustration…

Theres 3 men and they all want a job at sainsburys so the 1st man comes in and says to the manager :1st Man: Can i have a job please Manager:Yes go and do something dangerous so he does something dangerous comes back and says: 1st Man: Ive done it Manager:How many letters in the alphebet 1st Man:26 Same for 2nd Man Same for 3rd Man But on 3rd man Manager:How many letters in the alphebet 3rd man:24 Manager:why you say that: 3rd Man: Because i just blewup B&Q

2 guys in the barber shop The barber finishes the 1st man shave and asks if he wants some colone. The man replies: No thanks, my wife would think i went to the brothel. After he finishes the shave on the second man he makes the same question. To which he replies: Sure, my wife has never been to a brothel, she doesnt know the smell.

Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building. One turns to the other and says: ""You know last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building- by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window."" The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar. The 2nd Man says: ""What are you a nut? There is no way in heck that could happen."" 1st …

1st man: ""My neighbors were screaming and yelling at three o'clock this morning!"" 2nd man: ""Did they wake you?"" 1st man: ""Nah....I was up playing my bagpipes.""

Three men stood before a judge on a charge of drunk and disorderly conduct in a public park. Judge: What were you doing? 1st man: Oh just throwing peanuts in the pond. Judge: And what were you doing? 2nd man: I was throwing peanuts in the pond too."" Judge: Sounds harmless. And you were you throwing peanuts in the pond as well? 3rd man: No sir. I AM Peanuts!

Christmas joke! (A little late I know) Three men die on Christmas Day. They get to the pearly gates and St. Peter just feels awful. He says "Alright guys I hate you died on Christmas Day, so to make up for it, I'll let you right in if you have anything on you that has any Christmas symbolism." So the first man checks his pockets and pulls out a lighter. St. Peter asks, "What is that supposed to symbolize?" The 1st man replies, "It's a Christmas candle." St. Peter acknowledges it and let's him t…

3 men are walking through the jungle when they get taken by cannibals They beg for their lives are given the chance of freedom - they have to go out into the jungle and collect 10 pieces of the same fruit. So off they go and not long after the 1st man returns with 10 apples. This is when he is told about the 2nd part of the deal "You must insert all of those pieces of fruit up your ass without making a sound and you are free to go" says the chief Sweating a bit the man agrees and starts inse…

The three eggs Translated and changed slightly from Armenian: 3 friends come across a man in need of help and help him with his problem. As thanks, the man rewards them 3 magic eggs and tells them "break these magic eggs, and you can become anything your heart desires" He hands an egg to the 1st man. He breaks it and exclaims, "I want to be a rich and powerful head of state!" And that's what he becomes. He then hands an egg to the 2nd man. The 2nd man breaks it and says "I would like to …

Drunken Fools Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building. One turns to the other and says: "You know last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building- by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window." The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar. The 2nd Man says: "What are you a nut? There is no way in heck that could …

Two married man talking.. 1st man: Im so lucky

4 men were stranded in a desert. Suddenly, 1 of them died. The other 3 decided that the only way to survive was to eat the dead body. The 1st man said, "I support Liverpool, so I'll eat his liver." The 2nd man said, "I support Manchester, so I'll eat his chest." The 3rd man said, "I support Arsenal... but I'm not very hungry!"

1st man: You know, husband and wife aren't allowed together in heaven! 2nd man: Yes, I know! That's why it's called heaven!