#2nd-man

3 men die and go to heaven. (different joke) They arrive at the gates of heaven. St. Peter says, ""To determine whether you get to enter heaven or hell, you must state how you died. The first man steps forward and says,""Well, I was on my balcony of my 32nd story apartment. I was leaning on the railing, and it snapped off. I fell down, and lucky grabbed hold of the railing of the apartment below me. Then, some crazy guy came out of the apartment and pushed me off, and I fell to the concrete belo…

Two married man talking.. 1st man: Im so lucky, my wife is an angel. 2nd man: Good for you! Mine's still alive.

3 men and their lunch 3 men were sitting eating their lunch... The 1st man had Spag Bol for lunch and yelled out in frustration - ""Spag Bol! SPAG BOL AGAIN!! I swear if I get Spag Bol for lunch again I will kill myself >("" The 2nd man had a Turkey Sandwich for lunch and he yelled out in frustration - ""Turkey Sandwich! TURKEY SANDWICH AGAIN!! I swear if I get Turkey Sandwich for lunch again I will kill myself >("" The 3rd man had Roast Beef for lunch and he also yelled out in frustration…

The 3 men who didn't go to church So three men didn't go to church. When asked why they never did, they said they knew everything. So the pastor came and asked the 3 men to prove they knew everything. ""Oh so you think you know everything, well tell me what Easter celebrates."" So the first man says ""oh I know, it's when Jesus went to the field and picked the pumpkin"" The pastor yells at the first man and says to the 2nd to prove he knew everything So the 2nd man says ""oh yes, it's when Jesus…

Theres 3 men and they all want a job at sainsburys so the 1st man comes in and says to the manager :1st Man: Can i have a job please Manager:Yes go and do something dangerous so he does something dangerous comes back and says: 1st Man: Ive done it Manager:How many letters in the alphebet 1st Man:26 Same for 2nd Man Same for 3rd Man But on 3rd man Manager:How many letters in the alphebet 3rd man:24 Manager:why you say that: 3rd Man: Because i just blewup B&Q

There is a man taking a shit in the toilets then a man suddenly walks in The man who walked in proceeds to take piss in the urinal and then the man taking a shit makes absurdly loud noises. The 2nd man proceeds to kick down the door of the man in the toilet. Then both of them stopped as soon as they heard someone shout ""CUT!"".

So close to survival 3 men are flying in a small aircraft over the jungle and crash. As they try and fix the plane they are seized by a local canibalistic tribe. The tribe leader explained to them that if they want to live, then they must go out into the jungle and find 10 pieces of the same fruit; If they try to escape, they will be hunted and killed. The first man gets back to the tribe with 10 apples. The tribe leader tells him he must put all 10 up his bum without making any facial expressio…

2 men walk into a bar... You'd think the 2nd man would've ducked

Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building. One turns to the other and says: ""You know last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building- by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window."" The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar. The 2nd Man says: ""What are you a nut? There is no way in heck that could happen."" 1st …

1st man: ""My neighbors were screaming and yelling at three o'clock this morning!"" 2nd man: ""Did they wake you?"" 1st man: ""Nah....I was up playing my bagpipes.""

Three men stood before a judge on a charge of drunk and disorderly conduct in a public park. Judge: What were you doing? 1st man: Oh just throwing peanuts in the pond. Judge: And what were you doing? 2nd man: I was throwing peanuts in the pond too."" Judge: Sounds harmless. And you were you throwing peanuts in the pond as well? 3rd man: No sir. I AM Peanuts!

3 men are walking through the jungle when they get taken by cannibals They beg for their lives are given the chance of freedom - they have to go out into the jungle and collect 10 pieces of the same fruit. So off they go and not long after the 1st man returns with 10 apples. This is when he is told about the 2nd part of the deal "You must insert all of those pieces of fruit up your ass without making a sound and you are free to go" says the chief Sweating a bit the man agrees and starts inse…

The three eggs Translated and changed slightly from Armenian: 3 friends come across a man in need of help and help him with his problem. As thanks, the man rewards them 3 magic eggs and tells them "break these magic eggs, and you can become anything your heart desires" He hands an egg to the 1st man. He breaks it and exclaims, "I want to be a rich and powerful head of state!" And that's what he becomes. He then hands an egg to the 2nd man. The 2nd man breaks it and says "I would like to …

Three dead men arrive at Saint Peter's gates... Saint Peter explains that before they are allowed in, they need to tell him the story of their death. The first man explains, "Well, I was having a bad day at work, so I left early and came home. When I got to my apartment, I noticed that my wife was there, and loud moans were coming from the bedroom. I thought she might have a man in there so I ran and got my hammer, and couldn't help but start shouting that I was going to kill him. I get into t…

Drunken Fools Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building. One turns to the other and says: "You know last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building- by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window." The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar. The 2nd Man says: "What are you a nut? There is no way in heck that could …

4 men were stranded in a desert. Suddenly, 1 of them died. The other 3 decided that the only way to survive was to eat the dead body. The 1st man said, "I support Liverpool, so I'll eat his liver." The 2nd man said, "I support Manchester, so I'll eat his chest." The 3rd man said, "I support Arsenal... but I'm not very hungry!"

1st man: You know, husband and wife aren't allowed together in heaven! 2nd man: Yes, I know! That's why it's called heaven!