#atm

Went to take out money from the ATM and hit Espanol by accident.It replied, 'Nice try, you don't get paid until all the onions are chopped'.

My superpower is getting behind the person who is obviously refinancing their mortgage at the ATM.

Disappointed the ATM didn't shoot out a burst of confetti to congratulate me for having enough to pull out twenty bucks.

I usually make it to the ATM just behind the guy who's using it to refinance his home loan.

The bank robbery would have ended much better for me if I hadn't stopped on the way out at the ATM to deposit the money.

*shakes the ATM like it's a vending machine*

A man's wife is going to kick him out of the house for drinking too much. Joe and his friends frequent one bar in town a lot and his wife hates it. She thinks he drinks entirely too much and it is causing a problem in their marriage . After one particularly long bender Joe ends up puking all over himself before he stumbles back home. Joe wakes up to his wife screaming at him. She threatens that he really needs to cut back on the drinking and if she sees him come home like this one more time she …

I was waiting in line at the ATM when I noticed the old woman in front of me having a bit of trouble using the machine. I walked up to her and asked if she needed any help. She turned to me and asked if I could check her balance. So I pushed her over.

How can you spot a Canadian They're the ones that say ""Thank You"" to the ATM

2 blondes at the ATM... The first blonde uses the ATM. As she gets ready to leave, the second blond says,""I know your pin number. It's star-star-star-star."" The second blonde gives her a dirty look & says,""No it's not stupid !! It's 6482.""

The ATM told me, ""Not enough funds in account,"" when I tried to withdraw. This ATM needs a bigger account.

At the gym I walked into the gym and see a bunch of ladies working out, I ask the guy who is running the gym, ""Sir, what machine should I use to impress the ladies?"" He smiles says ""Try the ATM in the lobby"".

Have you heard about the ATM that got addicted to money? I heard it suffered from withdrawls.

So I was on my way to the ATM machine and I realized I had forgotten my PIN number... I panicked, but then I realized that it's not worth worrying about. Life is too short. We could get hit by an ICBM missile tomorrow or find out that I've tested positive for the HIV virus. So instead I got some KFC chicken, listened to some NPR radio on the way home, then read some DC comics. But then I got an alert on my LCD display: ""Are you putting enough in your IRA account?"" What was I doing? I'm no geni…

i asked my trainer which machine at the gym i should use to impress the girls... he pointed outside and said "" the ATM machine"" i had 15$'s left though..

Why did the Baker keep going to the ATM? He kneaded the dough

They told me if you put your newborn in front of an orphanage he would grow up an Orphan So I stuck my baby in the ATM machine so he could grow up to be a rich banker

machines in a casino do you know which machine is the most likely to pay out? The ATM

I asked my trainer ""Which machine at the gym should I use to impress beautiful women?"" He pointed outside and said ""The ATM machine"" [ c/o /u/jubileo5 ]

I m at the ATM when a robber holding his gun at my back... He asks: do you want to see your family again? I said ""no"". We both had a good laugh.

A man walks into a gym and asks the personal trainer which machine will make him most attractive to women.. The instructor points to the back of the gym "" The ATM machine""

ATM A man asks a trainer in the gym: ""I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?"" Trainer replies: ""Use the ATM""

A man asks a trainer in the gym: ""I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?"" Trainer replies: ""Use the ATM""

So the other day at the ATM an elderly lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her o_O

Male vs Female at the ATM... MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads: 'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, ""MALE & FEMALE"" procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.' *…