#marine-corps

Back in WWII, the Marine Corps used Navajo speakers as ""code talkers""... The other Marines were always impressed with the enigmatic skills the Navajos had in predicting weather, where to find water, and tracking ability. One day on a patrol, a Navajo Marine on point came across a footprint ostensibly left by the enemy. ""The man who left this footprint is an Imperial soldier. He stands five-foot-six tall and weighs 120 pounds..."" The Navajo proceeded to recite a litany of information on the m…

How to keep kids from acting up in class A former Sergeant , having served his time with the Marine Corps, took a new job as a school teacher, but just before the school year started he injured his back. He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable. On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school. The smart-alec punks, having already heard the new teacher was a…

No problems A former Sergeant , having served his time with the Marine Corps, took a new job as a school teacher, but just before the school year started he injured his back. He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable. On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school. The smart-alec punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of…

Joke that was totally told to me by a Navy SEAL and I am not lying or anything After numerous rounds of, ""We don't know if Osama is still alive,"" Osama himself decided to send George W. Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. Bush opened the letter which appeared to contain a single line of coded message, 370HSSV-0773H. Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to John Kerry. Kerry and his aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. Noone could solve …

A Chinese man works for the Marine Corps A Chinese man is hired for a job managing supplies in the Marine Corps. After about two months working on the ship, the man goes missing on the Captain's birthday. ""Go check the supply room."" the Captain says to his Marines. The Captain and his Marines open the supply room, only to find a giant box, sitting in the middle of the floor. With their guns out, they carefully open the box. Suddenly, the Chinese man pops up from out of the box. ""Supplies!!!""

What did Holly Holm say to Ronda Rousey's date to the Marine Corps Ball? I hit that.

A Marine and an Army Soldier are in the bathroom together and they finish their business at the same time, and the Marine walks out the door without washing his hands. The soldier says ""in the Army, they teach us to wash our hands"" The Marine yells ""**in the Marine Corps, they teach us not to piss on our hands**""

Islamic Star Trek? The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech, and walked out into the lobby of the convention center where he was introduced to a United States Marine Corps General. As they talked, the Iranian said, ""I have just one question about what I have seen in America ."" The General said, ""Well, is there anything I can do to help?"" The Iranian whispered, ""My son watches this show called 'Star Trek' and in it there is Kirk who is Canadian, Chekhov who is Russi…

Marines vs Navy A Marine walks into the restroom and procedes to use the urinal. When he is done, he travels over to the sink and begins to wash his hands. As he does so, he sees a Navy SEAL walk in, use the urinal, and walk out without stopping to wash his hands. The Marine hurries out of the bathroom and catches up with the guy. ""Didn't the Navy teach you to wash your hands after you use the bathroom?"" the Marine asks. The SEAL gives him a balnk stare and replies, ""Didn't the Marine Corps t…

military jokes ""When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend."" --U.S. Marine Corps ""Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."" --USAF Ammo Troop ""If the enemy is in range, so are you."" --Infantry Journal ""A slipping gear could let your m203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit."" --Army's magazine of prevention maintenance ""It is generally inadvi…

Top brass from the Army, Navy and Marine Corps were arguing about who had the bravest troops. They decided to settle the dispute using an enlisted man from each branch. The Army General called a private over and ordered him to climb to the top of the base flagpole while singing ""The Caissons Go Rolling Along,"" then let go with both hands, and salute. The private quickly complied. Next, the Admiral ordered a sailor to climb the pole, polish the brass knob at the top, sing ""Anchors Aweigh,"" sa…

The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. He directed a nearby Air Force base that will be opened and that all eligible young men and women be invited. As he and his staff were standing near a brand new F-15 Fighter a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine Corps recruiting poster walked up to them. The chief of staff walked up to them stuck out his hand and i…

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking ""What time is it?"" The tower responded ""Who is calling?"" The aircraft replied ""What difference does it make?"" The tower replied ""It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines flight it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force plane it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraf…

Air Traffic Control On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?" The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference.. . If it is a commercial flight, it is 3 o'clock . If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours. If …

What time is it? In some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?" The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours…

A Former Sergeant In The Marine Corps Took A New Job As A High School Teacher A former Sergeant in the Marine Corps took a new job as a high school teacher. Just before the school year started, he injured his back. He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable. On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school. The smart punks, having already heard the new tea…

Farm kid writes letter home after joining Marines.... Dear Ma and Pa: I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting used to it, so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed t…

[Civil servant joke] President Obama wants to know who's better: the CIA the US Marine Corps