#american-airlines

With American Airlines stock at 20 cents, I can't decide between paying for two checked bags or buying half the company.

Hate flying? Try American Airlines. They do too.

Why is American Airlines the best airlines company? Because they are the only one to drop you directly to your office.

In honor of Christopher Columbus... In honor of Christopher Columbus, I've just travel aboard the Nina, the Pinta and American Airlines, and I have discovered.... Ohio! Wait, there are people here already? No matter, Happy Holidays to me!

Ugly Baby There's a woman flying on a plane with her baby. And one of the other passengers starts making fun of this woman's baby, going on and on about how ugly he is. Eventually, one of the flight attendants hears this. ""Shame on you, saying such nasty things as that"" she says to the rude passenger, before turning to the woman. ""Ma'm, on behalf of American Airlines I'd like to apologize for that unpleasantness. We will give you a complementary meal for your troubles, and I'll see if I can g…

Topical Jokes! The White House was briefly evacuated Saturday when smoke was coming out of a utility closet instead of up politicians' asses. A woman was kicked from an American Airlines flight for singing Whitney Houston songs non-stop. She blamed her Diabetes Type TwoooOOOooOooo. Nine PA students were almost banned from prom for not getting chicken pox vaccines. Fortunately, those red itchy bumps weren't chicken pox. Moms are hiring disabled guides to cut lines at Disneyworld, so if you're dis…

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking ""What time is it?"" The tower responded ""Who is calling?"" The aircraft replied ""What difference does it make?"" The tower replied ""It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines flight it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force plane it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraf…

Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo Texas on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing the Flight Attendant came on the PA and announced ""Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!""

The haircut A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?" "We're taking American Airlines," was the reply. "We got a great rate!" "American Airlines?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in …

What time is it? In some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?" The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours…

The Haircut A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?" "We're taking American Airlines," was the reply. "We got a great rate!" "American Airlines?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Ro…

Pilot: "Control tower, what time is it?" Control tower: "What airline is this?" Pilot: "What difference does that make?" Control tower: "Well, if it's United Airlines, it's 6 p.m.; if it's American Airlines, it's 18.00 hours; and if it's Alaska Airlines, the big hand is on the 12 . . ."

Funny Instruction Labels: These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods: On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!) On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!) On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be how?) On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's 'just' a suggestion!) On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (print…