#rome

[First day at New Job] New Boss: When in Rome do as the Romans you know? <Slaughters entire office and imposes grain taxes on peasantry>

I recognize that Rome wasn't built in a day but I'm not trying to build Rome, I just want to to enjoy onion rings without gaining weight.

Rome wasn't built in a day. But part of it was.

look son... rome wasnt built in Ade!! rome was built in I-TA-LY. do u even kno where Ade is?! A-FRI-CA. AFRICA. how r u goimg to pass school

Wouldn't it be messed up if we found out Rome was built in like 23.5 hours?

My mate John knows everyone in the world Just cross-posting this from over on /r/AskReddit My mate John claims to know everyone in the world. Last week, we were in the pub, and he was bragging about it. ""Not everyone, though, John!"" I said. He said ""Wait a minute"", pulled out his phone, and made a call. Next thing you know, we're in a taxi on the way to Buckingham Palace. We pull up outside, the guard waves us through, saying ""Hi John!"", and we stop at the front door. Prince Phillip answer…

Say Bubba, do you know.... *One of my favorite Bubba jokes* Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, ""You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."" Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, ""OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?"" ""Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."" So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, ""Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend c…

Pinocchio boarded a bus in Rome. The bus was full of priests, except for one seat. Pinocchio took the seat and said"" Thank god I'm not a real boy!!""

Johnson is a janitor for a big international company. One day, as Johnson is sweeping the floors in the lobby of the main headquarters for the company, George Bush enters the building as he has a meeting with the CEO. He meets the CEO in the lobby but before entering the conference room, he greets Johnson, ""Heeey Johnson! Nice to see you buddy!"" After the meeting, the CEO approaches Johnson and asks ""Hey, how do you know mr Bush?"" ""Oh, we go golfing some times. He's a pretty nice guy"". The…

nuns have desires too two nuns were riding their bicycles through the back streets and alleys of rome. one turns to the other and says, ""i've never come this way before"". the other nun says, ""it's the cobblestones"".

A joke from Macrobius' ""Saturnalia"", ca. 5th century Hereupon Evangelus said: 'Servilius Geminus happened to be dining at the home of Lucius Mallius, then considered the best painter in Rome, when he saw Mallius' two ugly sons: ""You don't make children,"" he said, ""the way you make pictures."" ""That,"" said Mallius, ""is because I make children in the dark, pictures in the light.""' Hic Evangelus: Apud L. Mallium, qui optimus pictor Romae habebatur, Servilius Geminus forte coenabat: cumque …

The Cathedral of San Giovanni The City-State of San Giovanni is largely forgotten today. In 1571, however, it was a wonderful place to be for both the secular and the spiritual. The was no war for three centuries, the market benefited from its close proximity to the Old Salt Route, and the artist community was vibrant and influential. Yet all of this paled to San Giovanni's greatest treasure: the Cathedral. It is said that when the original plans (now enshrined in Rome) were shown to the finest …

An American biker decides to travel the world... Once upon a time there lived an American biker named Rick. Now, Rick loved to ride his motorcycle, but was tired of driving up and down the same roads, day after day. One morning, he woke up, and decided to travel the world. So he saved up some money, got on a plane, along with his trusty Harley, and set out to explore the globe. For the next few weeks, Rick spent his days riding to and through some of the most popular European cities like Paris, …

Railroad tracks, a horses ass... and rockets! [Long] The US standard railroad gauge (the distance between two rails) is 4 feet 8.5 inches... an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because a number of the early railroad lines in the US were built to fit standard-gauge locomotives manufactured by English railroad pioneer George Stephenson. The English expatriates who immigrated to America built them to the same dimension they had built them in England. Why did the English build them l…

Two nuns were riding their bicycles through the back streets of Rome... One turns to the other and says, ""I've never come this way before."" The other nun says, ""It's the cobblestones.""

A pope in the middle ages is trying to kick the Jews out of Rome... And the Jewish population is able to convince him to hear out their side first before making them leave. The pope agrees, but the only Jewish man who thinks himself to be a good enough debater is the rabbi, Moishe. But since Moishe only speaks Hebrew and the Pope only Latin and Italian, they agree to a silent debate. Everyone gathers in a courtyard, and the Pope begins by waving his hand in a circle around his head. Moishe respo…

You know, I really liked the rule of Nero. Rome was pretty lit at the time.

The Pope goes to visit the Seven Dwarfs... He is finishing his treatise on comparative religions, when Dopey raises his hand to ask a question. ""Mr. Pope, are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?"" ""No, Dopey,"" responds the Pontiff, ""there are not."" ""Mr. Pope, are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in Italy?"" Dopey asked. ""No, Dopey,"" chuckles the Pope, ""there are no dwarf nuns in Italy."" ""Mr. Pope,"" Dopey asked pleadingly, ""are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?"" ""No, Dopey,"" the …

Why did Hannibal invade Rome? [OC] Well it was kinda hard to avoid, what will all roads leading there and what not.

Two beggars roaming around in Rome Two beggars are sitting side by side on the street in Rome. One has a cross in front of him, the other a Star of David. Many people go by, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross. A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar sitting behind the cross, but none give to the beggar sitting behind the Star of David. Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and says: ""Don…

This guy Bob says to his friend at dinner, I know more people than you would believe... Bono happened to be in the bar so Bob excuses himself and meets Bono in the restroom and asks a favor of him to come by the table and pretend he knows him because it would mean alot to his son. Sure enough Bono comes over and says ""hi Bob"" to the astonishment of his friend. Next week they're eating at the same joint and Tony Bennett is singing, and once again he corners Tony in the restroom. Sure enough lat…

What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus? Irritable Brawls in Rome

A jewish couple where walking the streets of Rome on vacation. They walk past a fancy restaurant and the wife says "" mmm that place smells amazing!"". The Husband replies "" You're right it does smell really good. If you want on the way back to the hotel we can walk by this same place again""

John knows everyone John at work brags about him knowing everyone. His boss, Mike, is quite mad at him, and one day he says ""It's impossible that you know everyone on Earth"", but John replies ""That's not true, I'll prove it to you, just says a name"". Mike, quite confident, replies ""President Obama"". ""Ah, Barack, an old friend. Let's take a flight, we are going there to meet him"". Once they arrived at the 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, John enters the White House, greetings all the security gu…

Gary Smith is employed at a small factory of a huge multinational corporation in the small town of Sandberg near LA. One day, the CEO decides to visit Gary's factory. Huge preparations are made to properly welcome the CEO. At one point, the CEO asks the following question. 'Hey, but where is Gary Smith?' Everyone is taken by surprise, but they quickly go get Gary from the production lines of the factory. 'Hey Gary, good to see you,' says the CEO. 'Look, tonight there's this party at the hotel in…