#rome

Is this a very old joke? A Greek lands on a beautiful uninhabited island and writes a poem about it. A Roman finds another beautiful island devoid of people and he builds a statue to himself there. A Celt finds yet a third island with no people and starts a fight. **I just thought of a variant:** Instead of building a statue the Roman conquers the uninhabited island. But perhaps the original joke implies that -- maybe when Rome conquered a place it erected statues to the general who did th…

A joke from ancient Rome Two men were drinking ale in the market. The first man turned to the second and said "My friend, I have seen your wife's nudity." The second man looks at the first, eyes wide, and says "I shall take a knife, and with it, I shall stab your eyes!" And so the first said, "Thank you for the offer, my good friend, but what was seen cannot be unseen."

I was dating a girl from Romania, but she only wanted to vacation in Italy all the time After our 17th trip in 3 years, I found I had misunderstood her on our first date, when she'd confessed to having Rome-mania

TIFU when my wife asked when I knew I loved her. I said "We were in Rome, the way you knew so much about the city like it was second nature to you. But I never felt you were condescending to me when I'd ask stupid questions. I saw how much you knew, how passionate you could be. I'd been bored by all the old buildings, but you brought it all to life. I think that weekend, was when I realised you could be the best thing about my life." She didn't speak for a while, just looked at me until she …

Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome. One has a cross in front of him; the other one the Star of David. Many people go by and look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross. A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar behind the cross, but none give to the beggar behind the Star of David. Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and says, "My poor fellow, don't y…

I asked the B-52s where i could find a Pope They told me "Rome if you want two!" Had to break the news about benedict to them.

The Barber (long) A man was getting a haircut prior to taking a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber, who responded, “Why would you want to go there? It’s crowded and dirty — and full of Italians! You’re crazy to go to Rome! “So, how are you getting there?” “We’re taking United,” was the reply. “We got a great rate!" “United!” exclaimed the barber. “That’s a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they’re always late. “So, where are you…

I've been stuck in Rome for the past 3 weeks All their roads have this weird design flaw.

Infamous Dave Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them." Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?" "No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and Tom Cruise shouts, "Dave! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!" Although impressed, Dave's boss is stil…

Bubba Once When Bubba got a new job, he says to his new boss, “Boss, I know everyone in the whole world!” His boss doesn't believe him, so he says “No you do not know everyone in the whole world.” Bubba says “Yes I do!” Bubba's boss says “Well prove it!” Bubba says “Pick someone and I know them!” Bubba's boss thinks for a minute and then comes up with a name. “Tom Selleck! I bet you don't know Tom Selleck!” Bubba says “Tom Selleck! Tom and I were in boy scouts together…

God the Father, the Son, and Holy Spirit are going on vacation... God the Father says "Let's vacation in Israel". God the Son, Jesus, says "Too many bad memories there. Let's vacation in Berkeley." God the Father says "I'm not into the Mother God, hippy vibe." The Holy Spirit says "I know, let's go to Rome and visit The Vatican" God the Father and Son ask - "Why?" The Holy Spirit shrugs and replies "I've just never been there."

A 'your mom' joke, from around year zero, ancient Rome: "The Emperor Augustus was touring the Empire, when he noticed a man in the crowd who bore a striking resemblance to himself. "Intrigued he asked: 'Was your mother at one time in service at the Palace?' "'No your Highness,' he replied, 'but my father was.'" (I recently found my purpose in life and now I need to learn all about comedy, I thought I should start with history, this joke was unearthed by a group of historians from the UK, th…

Dave was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber, who responded, “Why would anyone want to go there? It’s crowded and dirty and full of Italians. You’re crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?” “We’re taking United,” was the reply. “We got a great rate!” “United!” exclaimed the barber. “That’s a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they’re always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?” “We’ll be at…

The trip to Rome A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber, who responded, \- “Why would anyone want to go there? It’s crowded and dirty and full of Italians. You’re crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?” \- “We’re taking United,” was the reply. “We got a great rate!” \- “United!” exclaimed the barber. “That’s a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they’re always late. So, where are you st…

A couple want to have children but the wife can't get pregnant. A couple want to have children but the wife can't get pregnant, so they go to see a priest for advice. The priest tells them they came at the right time, since his superior just sent him to Rome for 10 years, and he's leaving tomorrow. 'As soon as I'll get there, I'll immediately light a candle for you,' he promises. Time passes and the priest returns to the little town after 10 years. The first thing he does is visit the coupl…

Light a Candle Mrs. Murphy was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Brennan. The father said, "Aren't ye Mrs. Murphy, and didn't I marry ye and yer man two years ago?" "Aye, that ye did, father," she replied. Father Brennan asked, "and be there any wee little ones yet?" "No, no, not yet, father," she answered, eyes downcast. "Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a candle for ye and yer husband," he told her. She replied, "oh, thank ye, father." The…

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars

Yuri Gagarin returned from space and Khrushchev asked him a question: "While you were up there, did you see god?" Yuri replied: "Yes." "That's what I suspected, but don't tell anybody." Gagarin traveled to Rome and met the Pope, who asked him a question: "While you were up there, did you see god?" Yuri replied: "No." "That's what I suspected, but don't tell anybody."

A couple wants to have children but the wife can't get pregnant so they go to see a priest for advice. The priest tells them they came at the right time since his superior just sent him to Rome for 10 years, and he's leaving tomorrow. 'As soon as I'll get there, I'll immediately light a candle for you,' he promises. Time passes and the priest returns to the little town after 10 years. The first thing he does is visit the couple's home. He can hear a crazy loud noise when he knocks on the door…

What’s the difference between a word that’s spelled the same forwards and backwards and your friend in Italy? One’s a palindrome and one’s a pal in Rome

2 Beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome.

How do you cut Rome in Half? Use a pair of Caesars

How do you cut Rome in half? Use a pair of Ceasers

How do you split a Rome in half? Use a pair of caesars.

The origin of CrossFit can be traced all the way back to ancient Rome. Take Jesus for example