#rome

Hitler and Mussolini are planning an invasion of Switzerland... Mussolini asks: ""Where shall the border lie?"" Hitler proposes the border to be where the armies meet, to which Mussolini replies: ""No, I want to hold on to Rome!""

I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome There were just 30 girls...

Two nuns were riding their bicycles through the back streets of Rome... One turns to the other and says, ""Wow, I've never come this way before!"" The other nun says, ""Oh, it's the cobblestones!""

They just discovered a terrorist cell in Rome... this summer we might have Italian Isis.

I was passing a Chinese restaurant the other day on my way home... And thought ""when in Rome"" so I got general tso's

A barber, a bald man, and a professor are on the road... [JOKE FROM ANCIENT ROME] A barber, a bald man and an absent-minded professor taking a journey together. They have to camp overnight, so decide to take turns watching the luggage. When it's the barber's turn, he gets bored, so amuses himself by shaving the head of the professor. When the professor is woken up for his shift, he feels his head, and says ""How stupid is that barber? He's woken up the bald man instead of me."" ^http://www.thegu…

Two beggars are sitting side by side on the street in Rome. One has a cross in front of him, the other a Star of David. Many people go by, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross. A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar sitting behind the cross, but none give to the beggar sitting behind the Star of David. Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and says: ""Don't you understand? This is a Cathol…

When in Rome... Crucify Jesus

Teacher: ""When was Rome built?"" Pupil: ""At night."" Teacher: ""Why did you say that?"" Pupil: ""Because my dad always says that Rome wasn't built in a day!""

Lava can't melt marble columns. Pompeii was an inside job! WAKE UP ROME!

Found some gems in my grandpa's old journal, thought r/jokes would appreciate them... I'll try and transcribe them the way he writes them down, but it is pretty hard since most of them are written in cursive. Husband got up early Sunday morning to fly a kite. He is having a hard time, kite is going up and down. Wife is watching from the window in her nighty. Finally, she becomes exasperated with his failure. She opens up the window and yells ""You need more tail!"" The husband says to his neighb…

Heaven was planning a staff outing... and they where busy choosing their destination. God: ""How about we go to Bethlehem?"" Mary: ""Nah, accomodation is really lousy there."" God: ""Ok, what about Jerusalem?"" Jesus: ""Rather not, I've got some bad memories from that place..."" God: ""I know, let's go to Rome!"" Holy Ghost: ""Great, I've never been there before!""

So this guy went to Wales to work on a sheep farm. A couple of days later, he got really lonely. So, he'd heard the legends, and figured ""When in Rome...."" So he got himself a sheep. And shagged it. While leading the sheep back to its pen, he saw a bunch of the other guys looking at him, pointing fingers and laughing. Shoot! Maybe the legends weren't true after all. One of the locals came up and said, between peals of laughter, ""You.....hahah...had to pick the ugly one, didn't you?""

Rome wasn't built in a day... But it was built in Italy!!

Is This Funny? - Hail Caesar Sketch [Serious] So, like, a drama club is doing a sketch show and they start doing a sketch about ... something, who cares really, as long as its completely unrelated to Ancient Rome. So they're doing the sketch, and acting completely normal when suddenly, a guy in a toga runs on stage and yells ""Hail Caesar!"" Everyone else in the sketch sort of stops, and looks at each other confusedly, and then someone says, ""Wrong scene, bro!"" Is this funny?

The woman of 92 There was an old woman of 92 parlez vous. There was an old woman of 92 parlez vous. There was an old woman of 92, She did a fart and off it blew, Inky pinky parlez vous. The fart went rolling down the street parlez vous. The fart went rolling down the street parlez vous. The fart went rolling down the street, Knocked the copper of his feet, Inky pinky parlez vous. The copper got out his rusty pistol parlez vous. The copper got out his rusty pistol parlez vous. The copper got out …

There once was an Irishman who got so drunk while he was in Rome that he kissed his wife... ...and beat the Pope's foot to a pulp with a coal shovel.

Four braggarts in a bar Julius Caesar, Hannibal, Moses, and Bob are sitting in a bar bragging. Caesar starts, ""I and my army forded the Rubicon to face destiny."" The bartender replies, ""That sounds like a portentous crossing."" Hannibal says, ""I and my army traversed the Alps with elephants to gain a strategic advantage against Rome."" The bartender replies, ""That sounds like a prodigious crossing."" Moses says, ""I and my people parted the Red Sea to walk to freedom."" The bartender replie…

The man who knew everyone A friend of mine named Larry once told me, around the time of Bill Clinton's 2nd inauguration, ""You know, President Clinton and I are buddies."" I said, ""Sure you are."" He said, ""No, really! Just turn on your TV tonight to the Inaugural Ball. You'll see me."" Sure enough, I turned on the TV that night, and there was Larry, talking to President Clinton with his arm around the guy. Not long after, I was talking to Larry about how much I admired Johnny Depp as an actor…

Jerusalem by Don McLean I think the song could be greatly improved if at the line: ""All roads lead to you,"" the singer shakes a fist and yells out ""Take that, Rome!""

Hitler and Mussolini meet in Rome... and Hitler wants to demonstrate how obedient the Nazi army is. ""Look Benito, I will put ten soldiers in this room. Then I'll drop a feather inside it and close the door. When the feather hits the floor, they will all shoot each other."" After five seconds from shutting the door, the sound of bullets firing tells them the feather has hit the floor. They open the door to find ten dead German soldiers. Mussolini then tells Hitler ""Adolf! Italian soldiers are j…

A priest and a nun were visiting from Ireland to New York City one day... And heard that in the US they eat dogs. The two decided that ""when in Rome"", so they took it upon themselves to find this cousine to sample. They were strolling through central park and heard someone yelling "" dogs here, get yer dogs!"" And found a hot dog cart vendor. They both ordered one each and sat down at a park bench to eat them. The nun unwrapped her dog first and took a look, then turned to the priest and asked…

What do they call soda in Rome? Pope.

Map jokes How do you get around in Italy? You Rome. Why does everyone love Thailand? They Bangkok. I Congo to Africa, Kenya? Why do the French take there time? They hate to Russia What's the unhappiest state? Misery Who are the unhappiest Europeans? The Hungary ones. Why are the so many Subway's in India? Because it's the New Delhi capitol of the world. Why does Russia have so many Latino immigrants. Because they have Mas Cow. Where can you eat of the floor. Where they Florence. FEEL FREE TO ADD…

Why wasn't Rome built in a day? Because it was a government job.