#julius-caesar

I cut my finger on a beer can, I now know how Julius Caesar felt when he was betrayed by his best friend.

Why did Julius Caesar want to quit politics? All that backstabbing was too much for him.

What's the difference between Julius Caesar and Genghis Khan? Caesar: ""I came, I saw, I conquered."" Khan: ""I conquered, I saw, I came.""

Julius Caesar: I came, I saw, I conquered. Julius Caesar with P.E: I came.

What was the most privileged region conquered by Julius Caesar? Cis-Alpine Gaul.

Julius Caesar goes into a bar... ... and asks for a martinus. Puzzled, the bartender asks, ""Do you mean a martini?"" ""No. Just one, please.""

Julius Caesar bought a Google GPS and said, 'Youtube, route us'.

What did Jennifer Lawrence say to Julius Caesar? ...""May the Ides be ever in your favor.""

The difference between Julius Caesar and a Rapist? Caesar came, saw, and conquered, a rapist saw, conquered and came.

Where did Julius Caesar keep his armies? In his sleevies.

Four braggarts in a bar Julius Caesar, Hannibal, Moses, and Bob are sitting in a bar bragging. Caesar starts, ""I and my army forded the Rubicon to face destiny."" The bartender replies, ""That sounds like a portentous crossing."" Hannibal says, ""I and my army traversed the Alps with elephants to gain a strategic advantage against Rome."" The bartender replies, ""That sounds like a prodigious crossing."" Moses says, ""I and my people parted the Red Sea to walk to freedom."" The bartender replie…

The night Julius Caesar met his wife Julius Caesar is looking for a lady. A friend of his suggests a woman he knows. He meets the woman, and they go to his house. The next day, Caesar bumps into his friend again. The friend asks ""how did it go""? Caesar replies, ""I saw, I conquered, I came.""

So Julius Caesar is in music class... and he Brutus, who is sitting next to him, forgets the answer to a question the teacher asked. So, brutus asks Caesar, ""What is that type of piece called again?"" Caesar replies, ""Etude, Brute."" I am known for my terrible puns.

What did Julius Caesar ask when finding a color to paint the Senate? ""Ecru, Brute?""

Once upon a time in ancient Rome... ...There lived 3 very important politicians. Brutus was a schemer, and a very ambitious man. No one trusted him, but everyone worked with him. Julius Caesar was unpopular with the politicians of Rome, but the people loved him. Julius was a consul of Rome. Marc Antony was the third politician in question, and he was just the sort of guy that everybody liked. So Julius Caesar was running once again for consul of Rome, and he experienced a sudden drop in the poll…

Latin killed the Ancient Romans and now it's killing me... Julius Caesar walks into a bar. ""I'll have a martinus,"" he says. The bartender gives him a puzzled look and asks ""Don't you mean a martini?"" ""Look,"" Caesar retorts, ""If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it!""

I cut my finger on a beer can last night. Now I know how Julius Caesar felt when he was betrayed by his best friend.

Julius Caesar walked into a bar. He said to the bartender, ""I'd like a martinus."" The bartender, a little confused, says, ""Don't you mean a martini?"" Caesar replied, ""If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it.""

Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons ? He wanted Mark Antony !

A young Julius Caesar and his friend were walking along... A young Julius Caesar and his friend Kevin were walking a Roman road. Caesar says "I'm really thinking about going all out this year and having a bust made of myself" to which Kevin replied..."Ughh...Don't get a-head of yourself".

Julius Caesar sashays into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says "Five beers, please!"

What did Julius Caesar say after taking Cleopatra's virginity? Veni, Vidi... Veni.

Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar, and Napoleon Bonaparte are watching armies training in the afterlife. They walk around the soldiers and Napoleon is reading the Russian newspaper "Pravda (the Truth)" Alexander the great turns to Caesar and Napoleon and says: "With an army like this I could've also conquered the entirity of Europe." Napoleon scoffs and Caesar nods. Caesar points to the Artillery and tanks and says: "With weapons like this I could've conquered the known world." Alexander th…

Julius Caesar: I’m here to see Cleopatra. Guard: I’m sorry sir. She’s in bed with Laryngitis. Caesar: Who’s that bastard?? I’ll kill him!

In all seriousness I think Biden will be very shaken by these events. He’s seen this happen before, from Reagan (1981) to Kennedy (1963), and of course Julius Caesar (44 BC).