#napoleon

If I worked at Starbucks I'd pull a Napoleon Dynamite every time. "I see you're drinking 2%, is that because you think you're fat?"

Why did Napoleon return from exile? He needed more Elba room.

An Englishman, a Frenchman, an American and a Mexican are in a hot air balloon. They're running out of fuel, and losing height, having already thrown all of their ballast overboard. A range of mountains is coming up in the distance, and they need to lose weight the clear them. As they come up to the first mountain peaks, the Englishman declares ""This is what Churchill would have done"" and jumps out, and the balloon clears the range. Another range is coming up, and they need to gain more height…

What did Napoleon say on the rollercoaster? Ouiiiiiiii!

They say Napoleon got the shakes whenever he put on his uniform... Modern scholars believe he may have had epaulettesy.

Why you shouldn't ask Napoleon for money He's a bit short

Where did Napoleon keep his armies? In order to concentrate superior combat strength in one place, economy of force must be exercised in other places. Economy of force requires the acceptance of prudent risks in selected areas to achieve superiority at the point of decision. One account has it that Napoleon allowed a subordinate to draw up a plan for the disposition of his troops. Not knowing what the Emperor wanted, the subordinate distributed the forces equally in neat little groups along the …

What kind of bathroom does Napoleon use? A Waterloo

New Doctor goes on round at the asylum. He talks to one man, He ask ""Who are you?"" The patient says "" I, sir, an Napoleon."" ""How do you know you are Napoleon?"" Asks the doctor. ""God told me"", and the next bed over comes, ""I did not.""

Why did Napoleon wear sleeves? For his armies

What did Napoleon have up his sleevies? His armies!

What is the difference between Napoleon and his son? One is a Bonaparte from the other.

So a man thinks he's Napoleon Bonaparte, and he beats up this guy in the name of France. At the mental hospital they ask ""Do you really think You're Napoleon?"" He replies ""I don't think, I know!"" So they ask him ""then why did you hurt that man?"" And he says ""Because God told me to."" Meanwhile the man next to him yells "" No I didn't!""

What did Napoleon say about the chopped up body? I wanna Bone a part

What do you call a French General who charged into battle and died? Napoleon Blownaparte

Did you hear that Napoleon broke the Sphinx's nose with a singe shot? It was a one-hit wonder. I'll show myself out.

Smart Ass Out Of The Box Answers By Students Who Failed Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die? * his last battle Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? * at the bottom of the page Q3. River Ravi flows in which state? * liquid Q4. What is the main reason for divorce? * marriage Q5. What is the main reason for failure? * exams Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast? * Lunch & dinner Q7. What looks like half an apple? * The other half Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue s…

Adobe released a new digital ruler today. It's a bit short though, so they codenamed it... Napoleon, because it's a short ruler. No, seriously: http://xdce.adobe.com/mighty/

Where did Napoleon keep his armies? IN HIS SLEEVIES! Best used with little kids, or followed by maniacal laughter.

Where did Napoleon Bonaparte keep his armies? In his sleevies.

Who ruled France until he exploded? Napoleon Blownapart!

A Mother's Quotes PAUL REVERE'S MOTHER: ""I don't care where you think you have to go, young man. Midnight is past your curfew!"" MARY, MARY, QUITE CONTRARY'S MOTHER: ""I don't mind you having a garden, Mary, but does it have to be growing under your bed?"" MONA LISA'S MOTHER: ""After all that money your father and I spent on braces, Mona, that's the biggest smile you can give us?"" HUMPTY DUMPTY'S MOTHER: ""Humpty, if I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times not to sit on that wall. Bu…

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. - Unknown Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant. - Unknown Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about puppies. - Gene Hill In dog years, I'm dead. - Unknown To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs. - Aldous Huxley A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I…

In a psychiatrist's waiting room two patients are having a conversation. One says to the other ""Why are you here?"" The second answers ""I'm Napoleon so the doctor told me to come here."" The first is curious and asks ""How do you know that you're Napoleon?"" The second responds ""God told me I was."" At this point a patient on the other side of the room shouts ""NO I DIDN'T!""

What did Napoleon become when he was 41 years old ? A year older on his birthday !