#reagan

Ronald Reagan's doctor comes to him and says,""I'm afraid it's Alzheimer's, Mr. President."" Reagan muses this information over then replies,""Well, I always say 'trust, but verify' so verify it to me doctor."" The doctor goes and has extensive tests done on Reagan's brain and even calls in a second doctor for confirmation. After waiting a few days for the results he visits Reagan again. ""Mr. President, I have conclusive evidence that my prior diagnosis was correct."", the doctor says confident…

Two men, an American and a Russian were argueing. One said, in my country I can go to the white house walk to the president's office and pound the desk and say ""Mr president! I don't like how you're running things in this country!"" The Russian said ""I can do that too!"" ""really?"" ""Yes! I can go to the Kremlin, walk into the general secretary's office and pound the desk and say, mr. secretary, I don't like how Reagan is running his country!""

What's the difference between Ronald Reagan and Donald Trump? Reagan helped tear down a wall.

Is it true that there is freedom of speech in the Soviet Union, just like in the USA? Yes. In the USA you can stand in front of the White House and shout ""Down with Reagan!"", and you will not be punished. Equally, you can stand in Red Square in Moscow and yell ""Down with Reagan!"", and you will still not be punished. (Alternate punchline: Yes, but the USA also permits freedom after speech.)

Ronald Reagan, Bill Clinton, and Donald Trump go to heaven. They are called before God's throne. ""Who are you, and what good did you do on earth?"", God asks Reagan. ""I am Ronald Reagan, oh Lord, and I won the Cold War"", Reagan answers. ""Very well"", God says, ""Take the seat to my right."" He then turns to Clinton and asks him the same question. ""I am Bill Clinton, oh Lord, and I balanced the budget"", Clinton answers. ""Very well"", God says, ""Take the seat to my left."" He then turns to…

A joke from the Soviet era Reagan is visiting the Soviet Union and arrives at the Ukrainian city of Odessa. Expecting a warm welcoming party by the people of the city, he is both shocked and offended that no one is greeting him at the city gates. The embarrassed Soviet officials scramble to find someone to fire the ceremonial cannon announcing the visit of the leader of the second most powerful nation in the world. The cannon is fired and after a brief pause, a lonely window opens in a nearby bu…

Ronald Reagan's Memory One day a reporter confronted Ronald Reagan about a previous statement he had made. ""Mr. President, you said that you would resign if your memory started to fade,"" the reporter said. Reagan smiled and replied, ""I don't remember saying that.""

Reagan laying down some jokes about the Soviets. (Youtube clip) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mN3z3eSVG7A

And she did it on the first date . . . . THE DATE........................... Like everything in life, farts have a time and place. However, I never realized that in the wrong time and place, flatulence had enough power to alter my course in history. Well, it can if it's the third date with the man ...of your dreams. And, if it makes his eyes burn. If God destined us to be together, I was one SBD away from foiling His plans (that's ""Silent But Deadly"" for you prudes). It was about five years ag…

Heard this joke by Reagan today-wanted to share Its hard to get an automobile in the soviet union. They are owned mainly by elite bureaucrats. In a car incident, Gorbachev was late from getting to the Kremlin from his house. He told the chauffer, ""Look we are running late so let me drive. I insist."" So He told the Chaufer to get in the back and he drove. Meanwhile the police were given strict orders to ticket anyone speeding no matter how important. So they were speeding down Moscow and two mo…

CLASSIC VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold. MODERN VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and la…

When that fool Reagan said that the Soviet Union was a failed experiment headed for the ash heap of history I knew he was a demagogue. When that fool Reagan said that the Soviet Union was an evil empire I knew he was a dangerous kook. When that fool Reagan said that we could end the Cold War by escalating the arms race I knew the odds favored nuclear annihilation. When the Soviet Union went broke dissolved and repudiated its past I knew it was all Gorbachev's genius and that fool Reagan had noth…

Q: Why are people in Arkansas having peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year? A: Reagan ate all the jellybeans.

Clinton on the Titanic Reagan, Nixon and Clinton are on the Titanic. The ship hits the iceberg and sinks slowly. Everybody starts screaming, panicking, etc. Reagan shouts: "Women and children first." Nixon goes: "Screw the women!" Clinton replies: "Do you think we have time!?"

Obama died, and, as usual for any president, he was lead to the hell. Satan looked at him “ Mmmm, I can see that you have been elected twice as President. Also, you are one of a kind. So, I am giving you a rare opportunity. You can see the other inmates in hell and select your eternal fate. If you chose their fate, they will be sent to heaven”. With nothing to lose, Obama agreed instantly. Now, Satan himself took Obama to show the inmates. The first exhibit was Reagan. It was burning hot and…

A Soviet and an American are talking The American says, "I am able to March into DC, march into the oval office, and say. Mr Reagan, I don't like how you're running this country." The Russian scoffs and says, "I can do the same, I can march into Moscow, go to the Kremlin, go to the general secretary's office and say. Mr Gorbachev, I don't like how Reagan is running his country."

The Ant and the Grasshopper CLASSIC VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold. MODERN VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The …

In all seriousness I think Biden will be very shaken by these events. He’s seen this happen before, from Reagan (1981) to Kennedy (1963), and of course Julius Caesar (44 BC).

Reagan’s joke. Two men, an American and a Russian were arguing. One said, “in my country I can go to the white house walk to the president's office and pound the desk and say "Mr president! I don't like how you're running things in this country!" "I can do that too!" "Really?" "Yes! I can go to the Kremlin, walk into the general secretary's office and pound the desk and say, Mr. secretary, I don't like how Reagan is running his country!"

A Gorbachev joke my dad told me a few years ago Mikhail Gorbachev visits the US and meet with Ronald Reagan. They talk about how each country chooses their second in command. Gorbachev says that the Communist Party gives rigorous exams and screenings to choose the second in command. Reagan says he gives a test to figure out who to choose. He calls George H.W. Bush over and asks "who's your father's son but not your brother?" Bush says "why, that would be me!" Gorbachev is impressed and goes b…

An American and a Russian were discussing their respective freedoms in the 1980's American: We have more freedom. I can go over to the president and say ""Mr. Reagan

I don't care much for political jokes. But I was thinking what would Reagan think of our current toxic political climate if he was alive today? I think he would say "" WHY WON'T SOMEONE LET ME OUT OF THIS BOX""

Old USSR joke about free speech In America you have freedom of speech. You can stand in front of the White House and say: ""Reagan Sucks."