#arkansas

"What is your reason for divorce?" She pronounces 'Kansas' like the second part of 'Arkansas'

Yee-haw Emotional extremes The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes. ""Just to establish some parameters,"" said the professor to the student from Arkansas, ""What is the opposite of joy?"" ""Sadness,"" said the student. And the opposite of depression?"" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma. ""Elation,"" said she. ""And you sir,"" he said to the young man from Texas, ""how about the opposite of woe?"" The Texan replied, ""Sir, I believe that would be …

The Hillbilly Vasectomy After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, but they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. 'A less costly alternative,' said the doctor, 'is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in …

A man and a woman meet at a bar. A man and a woman in Arkansas meet in a bar. They sit next to eachother, admiring each other and contemplating a relationship. Once they've both had their fill of drinks, the man offers to take the woman back to his place. So they hop in his old, beat up truck and drive to the man's home. The woman says ""Hey, I live somewhere near here"" but she couldn't remember just where. When they get home, the man and the woman go up into the bedroom to have an intimate mom…

A new law recently passed in Arkansas. When a man and woman are divorced, they can still be brother and sister.

Where does a guy from Arkansas go to pick up girls? Family reunions.

A ventriloquist does a show A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ""I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep wo…

The Clintons were driving around Bill's home town A couple of years after Bill Clinton had left office he and Hillary were driving around his hometown in Arkansas. There at a gas station they saw a man who worked there pumping gas who was about the same age as Bill. Playfully Bill asked Hillary what her life would have been like if she married that guy instead of him. Hillary turned to him coldly and said, ""that man would have been president and you would still be pumping gas. ""

TIL the tooth brush was invented in Arkansas. If it was invented anywhere else it would have been called the teeth brush.

How do you know that toothpaste was invented in Arkansas? Because if it were invented anywhere else, it'd be called teethpaste.

What other US state can fit Kansas inside of it? Arkansas

What did Tennesee?? What Arkansas..

A ventriloquist runs a show A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ""I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep wo…

If a man and woman from Arkansas get a divorce... Are they still brother and sister?

Why does the US name Arkansas Arkansas Because Its Arkansas not YourKansas

What if the Super Tuesday results were actual soups? Alabama 53 delegates The Democrats here elevated a classic cream of mushroom, picking mostly Hen of the Woods while the overwhelming majority of Republicans here insisted on drinking the Kool-Aid, even though the beverage is technically not a soup in any way. Arkansas 32 delegates The Republicans were presented with a fountain of hot spring water, in which a small ham was placed. They were very proud of their ingenuity. A consome of edamame …

What do you get from 3 girls from Arkansas? Damn near a whole set of teeth.

where r u from I`m from Arkansas, a few years ago I was in Pensacola, Fl. working with a carpenter. He said, ""So your from Arkansas?"" I said ""Yes."" He said ""I met a family that moved here from Arkansas a while back."" I said ""Really."" He said ""Yea, they had a son that was in the sixth grade and enrolled him in school down here. The first day he came home from school and told his dad, ""Daddy today we had reading and I could read better than anyone in class."" His dad said, ""well, that`s…

A few years after he became an ex-President, Bill and Hilary are driving around Arkansas and stop for gas. The guy operating the pump is about their age. When it's done and they're driving away, Hilary chuckles and says ""The guy at the gas station? My mom wanted me to marry him."" Bill gives her a big grin and says ""Can you imagine where you'd be now, if you'd married him instead of me?"" She gives him a cold stare and says ""Yeah, I'd be driving around with an former President of the United S…

If you get a divorce in Arkansas... ... is she still your sister?

A hot shot East Coast newspaper... ...... reporter was on assignment in Arkansas, when he struck up a conversation with a young lady in a bar. After a half dozen drinks, he suggested they get their own bottle and retire to his motel room, and she readily agreed. ""Say, how old are you anyway?"" the reporter asked as the obviously young lass was disrobing. ""Thirteen,"" she replied with a shy smile. ""Thirteen ??? My God, girl !!! You get those clothes back on at once at get the hell outta here !…

Why can't you find pirates in Kansas? They all live in Arkansas

Breadbowl soup should be called Arkansas soup because it's 'In bread'

What does a girl from Arkansas say just before she loses her virginity? ""Careful, dad, or you'll crush my smokes.""

An Arkansas delivary Mr. Stewart's wife went into labor in the middle of the night. The doctor was called in to assist in the delivery. To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, ""Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing."" Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. ""Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down. I think there's yet another wee one to come."" Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered another baby. ""Now don't be in a great hu…