#kentucky

Ever seen a horse with a carrot on a stick dangling over its head? Last night on the treadmill's TV, I saw an ad for Kentucky Fried Chicken.

In Louisville, KY where bars are open till 4 am. Here's my slogan for them: "Get upchucky in Kentucky."

No thanks Kentucky Derby. If I wanted to see a defenseless animal get beat into submission I'd just call my boss.

ME: I hate the Kentucky Derby. You get all dressed up and excited and the whole thing only lasts 15 seconds WIFE: Oh is that right

BREAKING: Judge strikes down Kentucky ban on gay marriage, but ruling on hold while state appeals for right to keep treating gays like shit.

Bagpipes at a Funeral As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the digg…

A man from West Virginia and a woman from Kentucky got married... The day after their wedding, the man's father sees him storm into the house, gun in hand. ""What's got you upset, son?"" The father asked. To which the man replied, ""I shot my wife. I found out she was a virgin, so if she isn't good enough for her family, she isn't good enough for ours!""

Apparently I'm still lost.... As a bagpiper, I play many places. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were onl…

So my science teacher started class today with ""Relative Dating....."" It's like prom night in Kentucky.

Is the capital of Kentucky pronounced ""Louis-ville"" or ""Louie-Ville?"" Its pronounced ""Frank-fort.""

The Hillbilly Vasectomy After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, but they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. 'A less costly alternative,' said the doctor, 'is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in …

Why did the chicken cross the state line? He just had to get out of there because he heard that Kentucky fried chicken!

Little Johnny is in English class... And the teacher calls on the class. ""Who can give me an example of a sentence using the word, 'Definitely'?"" Little Susie raises her hand, ""The sky is definitely blue."" ""Very good,"" replies the teacher, ""but when it's nighttime the sky is black, and when it's raining the sky is grey. Anyone else?"" Little Timmy raises his hand,""Grass is definitely green."" ""Very good,"" the teacher again replies, ""But Kentucky has blue grass and grass turns brown as…

How did the guy from Kentucky find his sister in the woods? Pretty good!

Q: What do a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common? A: By the time you're finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.

How do you pronounce the capital of Kentucky, Loo-e-ville or Loo-is-ville? I pronounce it Frankfort.

""Oh my god! Sarah Jessica Parker is a competitive sprinter?!"" ""Greg, calm down! This is just the Kentucky Derby.""

Kentucky Fried Chicken has introduced the new Hillary Bucket. Two large thighs, two small breasts and two left wings.

Yo Mama so poor... ...that when she goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken she licks other people's fingers.

During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord's prayer from ""Give us this day our daily bread"" to ""Give us this day our daily chicken,"" and Kentucky Fried Chicken will donate $10,000,000 to Catholic charities. The Pope declined. Two weeks later, the man approached the Pope again - this time with a $50,000,000 offer. Again, the Pope declined. A month later, the man upped the price to $100,000,000, and this time the Pope accep…

Edward and Tobias A farmer had a decent racing horse that one day had twins. He called the twins Edward and Tobias. The colts were incredibly healthy and competitive, from a young age they would run together. Whenever the farmer would lay out some new hay or corn feed, the two colts would race, pushing each other as hard as they could to see who would win. Tobias always won, but it was always a close race. The farmer, noticing how competitive they were, decided to enter them in a racing competit…

AMA Request: Kim Davis. I would like to hear her answer this question, for she seems uniquely qualified to do so: If a man and woman from Kentucky get a divorce, are they still brother and sister?

Morehead Kentucky Its ironic that marriages are now happening again in morehead Kentucky.. Normally when you get married it turns out to be less head.

Is the capital of Kentucky pronounced Loo-ee-ville or Lou-vul? Neither, it's pronounced Frankfort.

Why doesn't the Kentucky Fried Chicken use toilet paper? It's finger licking good.