#greg

Me: *grabs a donut from conference room* Incredible powerpoint, Greg "Excuse me ma'am, do you work here?" Me: *grabs another donut & runs*

ruins all credibility when a rapper says he's "depressed" in a song. know who else is depressed? my 14 year old son Greg

Screech up to a yard sale. Ask if they have any haunted amulets. Yell at the dog in your backseat, "I'm GETTING the spell reversed, Greg!"

This is just a quick reminder that we're all gonna die one day so don't get caught up in petty shit also stop stealing my tweets Greg.

"There is no GREG in 'team.' " - super mean way to cut Greg from junior varsity.

PARK RANGER: to be a guide you need to be able to name all the animals ME: no problem [later w/ a group] ME: that's Greg, & that's Linda...

one time my cousin greg put on two jean jackets and he exploded, there was mustache everywhere

my bf is wonderful but he will never be as soft as my roommate's dog who moved out of the house WHY GREG WHY CAN'T YOU BE AS SOFT AS THE DOG

Im not sure who named the Gregorian calender ,probably some guy called Greg. Or Ian.

""Oh my god! Sarah Jessica Parker is a competitive sprinter?!"" ""Greg, calm down! This is just the Kentucky Derby.""

Heisenberg's wife was unhappy... because when he had the time, he didn't have the energy, and when he had the position, he didn't have the momentum. Credit to Greg and/or Terry from American Dad.

So my friend Greg recently changed his name to Gregory. I swear to god he's gonna re-Greg it.

Greg was so hungry he ate a frozen steak. He hadn't really thawed it out.

What do you call a Muslim who is also a pilot? Greg if you're a friend, Gregory if you were introduced, Mr. Abdalla if you're doing business with one another.

Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar? greg.

A man named Greg, is visiting his friend Jim's house Greg started sorting out Jim's stuff and putting them into an order. Jim saw this and ran over to him yelling, ""What the hell are you doing?"" Greg looked at Jim and told him that he was rearranging everything so it was neater. ""What are you OCD?"" Yelled Jim. Greg replied, ""I much prefer the term CDO, as it is in alphabetical order,""

Three men are in the desert when their jeep breaks down... They decided to split up to find some help. One of the lads, Jack, says ""I'm taking the radiator since it has water in it."" Another, Mike, says ""I'll take a hub cap, for shade."" They see their third friend, Greg, taking the door off. ""What in the hell are you doing, Greg?"" ""Well if it gets too hot, *I can always roll the window down*""

European Its geography day in Mr. Andrew's first grade class. Each student has to stand up and answer questions in front of their peers. Mr. Andrews, who has a very thick southern accent, addresses the first student. ""Beth, would you a-stand up and answer this a-question: what's the a-capital of a-Russia?"" ""Moscow"" she replies. Each student answers their questions until the last student to go is Greg. Greg is notorious for having severe stage fright. ""Alright a-Greg: what do ya call a-someo…

Everyone always wonders why I call my friend Gregory, ""Y""... Everyone always wonders why I call my friend Gregory, ""Y"" ... Well, his name is Greg-or-y... so I chose ""Y.""

Stepped On a Rabbit This is best told in a group and using two others as part of the story. One time, ""Greg"", "" Tom"", and I were headed to a party when our car flew off the road...killing us all. We show up to the gates of heaven where we're greeted by a puzzled St. Peter. ""I don't know what's going on here,"" he says. ""You're all in the book, but you're way early. Let me go talk to the big guy and see what he says."" After a while he comes back and tells us we can go in, but under one con…

Sarah Palin went Moose Hunting. It was a cold day in B.F.E, Alaska and Sarah Palin decided it was a perfect day to go moose hunting. The snow was fresh, making it easy to track the giant beasts if she were to be lucky enough to see one. She loaded up her snowmobile early in the morning, just before the sun rose. A couple miles into the trip, her snowmobile sputtered to a halt. Trying everything she could to get it going again, with zero luck and no cell phone reception, she gave up and decided t…

Three guys are lost in a forest...... ......and they get captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they passed a trial. The first step of the trial was to enter the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So, all three men went separate ways to gather fruits. The first one came back and said to the king, ""I brought ten apples."" The king then explained, ""Next, you have to shove the fruits up your butt without so much as an expression on yo…

Two best friends are chilling on a rooftop. Bob: You know what? I hate it when you have something really important to share and tell another person, they don't listen. God, I hate it when that happens. Greg: Hm? Sorry, what did you say?

A good one for parties So Steve, Greg, and I (put friends names in of course) were walking down a dirt road when we saw a sheep with its head stuck in the fence. We are all thinking the same thing so I go and have my way with it and they turn their backs. After I am done Steve goes and has his way with it, while Greg and I turn our backs. Then Greg goes over the fence and we are waiting and waiting and waiting... Finally we turn around and there is Greg, with his head stuck in the fence.

A grasshopper walks into a bar... and the bartender gets excited. The bartender says, ""Hey, we've got a drink named after you!"" The grasshopper replies, ""You've got a drink named Greg?""