#ian

Chief cop: "This might be racially motivated." Ian: "Hate crime?" Chief cop: "We all hate crime, Ian. That's why we are cops."

Can't believe a woman would grow a life inside of her for 9 months and then name it Ian.

[3rd date] Kate: You wanna come back to mine for coffee? Ian: Sure! Kate: Have you got any condoms? Ian: Do you not know how to make coffee?

*Bee lands on flower covered in another flower's pollen* FLOWER: What's that? BEE: I can explain F: I don't want to hear your lies, Ian

IAN: Why is that bear hanging out in the bar? ME: He's a well known, gimmick. IAN: Really? ME: That's Conan. Conan The Bar Bear, Ian.

Genie: "You have 3 wishes." Ian: "I wish for everyone to be equal." Genie: "Okay. You have no wishes."

[Date] Karen: "You okay?" Ian: "I'm undressing you in my mind" K: "Okay... you look confused!" I: "I've never seen a bra strap like this"

Ian: "I baked you a pie to say sorry for backing over your cat in my car." Tim: "You did what?!" Ian: "Baked you a pie."

Ian: "I'd like to report my guide dog missing." Cop: "Right. When did you last see him?" Ian: "I've never seen him."

CEO of KFC: "We must always respect our customers. That is so important." Ian: "Shall we still serve them food in a bucket?" CEO: "Yes."

[presentation] GUY WITH A COMBOVER NAMED IAN: So that's our plan for the next year. Any questions? ME: Why did you call your combover Ian?

[heaven] IAN: I only regret the things I didn't do ME: Me too I: Like, I didn't swim with dolphins. You? M: I didn't stop poking a bear

[in Starbucks] "It's Ian with one i". "We only need your first name Mr Wivwanaye".

Wife: "Ian is coming over." Me: "Ian from work or Ian who is good at disguises?" Wife: "Ian- *pulls off mask* -who is good at disguises!"

Me: "I'm looking for a psychic who rates themselves highly." Ian: "I'm a medium." Me: "I need someone better than that."

Half Indian I have a friend who's half Indian. Ian.

Im not sure who named the Gregorian calender ,probably some guy called Greg. Or Ian.

Little Ian A teacher was testing children in a Glasgow Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting into heaven. ""If I sold my house and my car, had a big jumble sale and gave all my money to the church,"" she asked them, ""would that get me into heaven?"" ""NO!"" the children answered. ""If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?"" Again, the answer was 'No!' By now she was starting to smile. ""Well, then…

I took a really sloppy poo today... My ass was wiped more times than Ian Watkins' search history

Entered a relay race with two of my friends Me and two friends of mine, Ian Sloane and David Eddie entered a relay race. We set up so I would start, Ian would go next and David would finish. So we set up, and I took my position. ""On your marks, get set, GO!"" I wasn't a great runner and the rest of the athletes just left me in the dust. I passed the baton to Ian Sloane and he took off. He was as fast as lightning and overtook all the athletes with ease. He then passed it over to David Eddie who…

Anxious to impress Ian was very anxious to impress his girlfriend's parents so he was particularly pleased when they invited him round for dinner. They all seemed to get on very well and the meal was a really sumptuous spread. Their hospitality knew no bounds and they constantly pressed him with extra helpings. In fact it was probably a mixture of their hospitality and his willingness to please that led to his downfall. After the second helping of the main course he was feeling so full that he d…

I have a friend who's half Indian. Ian

What do you call a magician who lost their magic? Ian

What do you call a Magician that looses his magic? Ian

Did you know the original Gregorian calendar had different months? January = Greg February = Ian March = Greg April = Ian May = Ian June = Greg July = Ian August = Greg September = Greg October = Ian November = Greg December = Ian