Me: "I'm looking for a psychic who rates themselves highly." Ian: "I'm a medium." Me: "I need someone better than that."

Wife: "Ian is coming over." Me: "Ian from work or Ian who is good at disguises?" Wife: "Ian- *pulls off mask* -who is good at disguises!"

I'd like to personally invite Conan to bring his entire show to Nebraska. We can work out details later.

[in Starbucks] "It's Ian with one i". "We only need your first name Mr Wivwanaye".