#louisiana

What's the difference between a zoo in Louisiana and a zoo anywhere else? In Louisiana, next to the plaque with the animal's name, they've got a good recipe.

The Hillbilly Vasectomy After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, but they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. 'A less costly alternative,' said the doctor, 'is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in …

An Army Ranger was on vacation... ...in the depths of Louisiana and he wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the ""no haggle"" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the Ranger shouted, ""maybe I'll just go out and get my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes made at a reasonable price!"" The vendor said, ""By all means, be my guest. Maybe you will run into a co…

BLM Makes the Trip to Louisiana to Help Black Folks Displaced by the Flood... That's it, that's the joke. Obviously they wouldn't attempt to help black lives that actually matter. Only thugs with guns.

Where do chicken strips find love? Chicken tinder ~Thank you, to Popeye's Louisiana Kitchen's official Instagram for this gem

Boudreaux's Annual Check-Up Boudreaux, an 80-year-old Louisiana Cajun, goes to the doctor for his every year check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape he is. ""How do you stay in such great physical condition, Boudreaux?"" ""I stay in de swamp and I hunt and fish every day,"" say de old Cajun. ""Dat's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out huntin' or fishin' ... all day. I have a beer wid breakfast and at lunch and wid my supper. An' I have a shot of hooch before…

Engineering Position Bubba applied for an engineering position at a refinery company. A Yankee applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the manager. Upon completion of the test, both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Bubba and said: ""Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the Yankee the job."" Bubba asked: ""And why are you giving him the job? We both got nine questions correct. This being Lo…

'A man tried to buy some Alligator shoes' A man was on holiday in the depths of Louisiana, where he tried to buy some Alligator shoes. However he was not prepared to pay the high prices, and after having failed to haggle the vendor down to a reasonable price level, ended up shouting ""I don't give two hoots for your shoes man, I'll go and kill my own ""croc!,"" to which the shopkeeper replied, ""by all means, just watch out for those two ""ole boys"" who are doing the same!"". So the man went ou…

The Exam Bubba applied for an engineering position at a Lake Charles refinery. A Yankee applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the manager. Upon completion of the test, both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Bubba and said: ""Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the Yankee the job."" Bubba asked: ""And why are you giving him the job? We both got nine questions correct. This being Louisiana…

35,000 black people walked into a bar... According to the Louisiana Official Ledger, Jurisdiction Kudrow.

A New York boy is being led through the swamps of Louisiana by his cousin. ""Is it true that an alligator won't attack if you carry a flashlight?"" asks the city boy. His cousin replies ""Depends how fast you carry the flashlight"".

Robot A guy goes into a bar in Louisiana where there's a robot bartender . The robot says, ""What will you have?"" The guy says, ""Whiskey."" The robot brings back his drink and says to the man, ""What's your IQ?"" The guy says, ""168."" The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology. The guy leaves, . . . but he is curious . . . So he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says, ""What will you have?"" The guy says, ""Whiskey."" Again, the robot bri…

What's the fastest way to drive through Louisiana? Drive the route with Les Miles! ... I'll see myself out.

Boudreaux Goes Looking for a Job Boudreaux got laid off from his job in Louisiana, so he needed a job. He headed to Mississippi where his cousin works at a logging company. He met with the supervisor for an interview almost immediately. ""Hi, I'm Boudreaux I'm lookin' for a job.""' The supervisor looked Boudreaux up and down and furrowed his brow. ""Boudreaux, where you from?"" ""I'm from da Loosiana Bayou, suh."" The supervisor thought to himself ""Hah, this coonass wants to come to Mississippi…

An old black meets St. Peter at the gates of heaven St. Peter is there, and tells him ""Welcome, in order to get into the kingdom of heaven you must have done something worthwhile with your life, what have you done my son?"" ""well"", he said in a raspy voice, ""I made love to a white woman"" ""...okaay"" St. Peter responded, ""that's...not, exactly what we're looking for"" ""No no no you don't understand"", the man replied. ""This girl was 18 years old, with a beautiful face, long, blond hair a…

Louisiana Rep Steve Scalise Louisiana Rep. Steve Scalise is in the hot seat right now over a speech he gave for a white supremacist group in 2002, when reached for a comment regarding the backlash the speech has now garnered, Scalise replied that he did Nazi it coming...

Did you know that in Louisiana, a football field goes underwater every hour? Of course, no one there cares until it's an actual football field.

A black guy in a bar in Louisiana... A black guy is sitting in a bar in Louisiana, drinking a beer. A gay guy walks in, gets a beer, and sits at the same table as the black guy. For a few minutes, they both sit there in silence, drinking their beers. Suddenly, the gay guy asks the black guy if he wants a blow job. The black guy starts kicking his ass, throwing all the punches and kicks he can in a span of 5 seconds, then throws the gay guy out of the bar. The bouncer, impressed by the ass whoopi…

Discriminating Robot Bartender One upon a time, a guy goes into a bar in Louisiana where there's a robot bartender! The robot says, ""What will you have?"" The guy says, ""Whiskey."" The robot brings back his drink and says to the man, ""What's your IQ?"" The guy says, ""168."" The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology. The guy leaves, but he is curious. So he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says, ""What will you have?"" The guy says, ""W…

THINGS I LEARNED LIVIN' IN LOUISIANA Enjoy! 1) A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road. 2) There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in Louisiana . 3) There are 10,000 types of spiders, and all 10,000 of them live in Louisiana . 4) If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha. 5) Onced"" and ""Twiced"" are words.. 6) It is not a shopping cart, it's a buggy. 7) ""Jawl-P?"" means, ""Did y'all go to the bathroom?"" People actually grow and eat okra.…

Louisiana State Trooper A young woman was pulled over for speeding. A Louisiana state trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book. She said, ""I bet you're going to try to sell me a ticket to the Louisiana State Trooper's Ball"". He replied, ""Louisiana state troopers don't have balls"". There was a moment of silence. He then closed his book, tipped his hat, got back in his patrol car and left.

Alligator Shoes A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the ""no haggle"" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, ""Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"" The shopkeeper said, ""By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck o…

Bowling Ball Delivery A semi truck driver is hired to deliver a load of bowling balls from Houston to Atlanta. He gets a bonus if he gets it there in under twenty four hours. He's speeding down the highway when he sees two black men walking with a bike. They flag him down and he pulls over. They ask him for a ride since their bike chain was broken. He asks them where they're headed. They tell him that they are headed to a small town in Louisiana. He says ""Hop in the back, that's right on my way…

A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in Louisiana. They decide they need a bull to mate with their cows to increase their herd. The brunette takes their life savings of $600 dollars and goes to Texas to buy a bull. She eventually meets with an old cowboy that will sell her a bull. ""It's the only one I got for $599, take it or leave it."" She buys the bull and goes to the local telegram office and says, ""I'd like to send a telegram to my friend in Louisiana that says: Have found…

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in South Louisiana. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up onhis tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, ""I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going into retrieve it."" The old farmer replied. ""This is my property, and you are not coming over here."" The indignant lawyer said, ""I am one of the best t…