#mississippi

One Mississippi... two Mississippi... just kidding! One Mississippi is quite enough.

? Hey there Delilah, for your word spell Mississippi "May I have the definition?" The state siblings can get frisky ? and cousins toooo ?

A 13-pound baby was born in GERMANY?? C'mon Mississippi, this is why we keep you around

me: wanna hang out? southern girl: well, dip me in honey butter, roll me around in mississippi sand and saddle a junebug to savannah me:

(Animal spelling bee) Owl: Your word is Mississippi Snake: M I Sssssss Sssssssss Badger: *in audience* OH FFS THIS IS GONNA TAKE FOREVER

I'm not saying she was stupid, but I asked her how to spell Mississippi and she said 'the river or the state?'

A young woman is sitting on a train When two old Italian men sit across the aisle from her. She couldn't help but to listen in on their conversation, and she was absolutely appalled by what she heard. One main said to the other, ""Emma come-a first. Then I come. Then two asses, they come-a together. I come again. Then the two asses once-a more. Then I come again, and-a pee twice. Finally, I come-a one-a more-a time."" The woman could not help but interrupt and say to them, ""Heavens! I can't sta…

In Mississippi, Jim-Bob offers to drive a CNN reporter to the scene of a breaking story. They are flying down the road, and the light turns yellow, then just flips red, but Jim-Bob runs right through. The reporter says, ""That was close."" Jim-Bob says, ""That's the way my brother drives."" Another 200 yards down the street, the light is red, and cars are wating at the light. Jim-Bob swerves into the oncoming lane, and blows through the red light. The reporter, with alarm in his voice, asks, ""W…

The Hillbilly Vasectomy After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, but they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. 'A less costly alternative,' said the doctor, 'is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in …

No Mexicans please A U.S. Navy cruiser pulled into port in Mississippi for a week's liberty. The first evening, the Captain was more than a little surprised to receive the following letter from the wife of a wealthy plantation owner: ""Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter Melinda's, coming of age party. I would like you to send four well mannered, handsome, unmarried officers. They should arrive at 8 p.m. prepared for an evening of polite southern conversation and dance with lovely young l…

Once there was a man named Al. Al was happy in many ways. However, he soon took to cards for a bit of thrill in his life. He never cheated, despite his opponents doing so. Al decided he was happy. In time, Al began to grow tired of playing with cheaters. He began to go to the pub every night, until he found the love of his life, Allie, who was from Love, Mississippi. He came home with her, and was happy. Soon, Al began to wonder why Allie always left him alone at night, and one night he decided …

How does a Russian count '1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi...'? 1 CCCP, 2 CCCP, 3 CCCP... I^will^see^myself^out

This Exam Is FINAL Two guys were taking Chemistry at the University of Mississippi. They did pretty well on all of the quizzes and the midterms and labs, such that going into the final they had a solid ""A"". These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the Chemistry final was on Monday), they decided to go up to the University of Tennessee and party with some friends. They had a great time, however, with hangovers and everything, they…

Redditors of Mississippi. Tell me how do you feel abou- Oh wait, you can't read.

What is the worst way to spell Mississippi? Correctly.

Zookeeper's helper A small zoo in Mississippi obtained a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available. Thinking about their problem, the zookeeper thought of Ed-Lee Walton, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages. Ed-Lee had little sense, but possessed ample ability t…

white reincarnations cost extra When you die and you're given the reincarnation menu, coming back as a white person probably will cost extra. You'll need to spend a few rounds as a Tibetan monk or Mississippi slave to save up enough God coins to unlock the exclusive angel-cake skin. By choosing white you get a ""likely to be well received by strangers"" bonus; random encounters will have a 25% greater chance of yielding favorable results (unless you're in bizarro world, aka gangland, where all s…

JUSTIFIABLE HOMICIDE. A trial is taking place in Mississippi. The defendant is a sweet grandmotherly type. Defense Attorney: What is your age? Little Old Woman: I am 86 years old. Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to you? Little Old Woman: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me. Defense Attorney: Did you know him? Little Old Woman: No, but he sure …

Marriage If a couple gets married in Alabama... And divorced in Mississippi... Are they still brother and sister?

Boudreaux Goes Looking for a Job Boudreaux got laid off from his job in Louisiana, so he needed a job. He headed to Mississippi where his cousin works at a logging company. He met with the supervisor for an interview almost immediately. ""Hi, I'm Boudreaux I'm lookin' for a job.""' The supervisor looked Boudreaux up and down and furrowed his brow. ""Boudreaux, where you from?"" ""I'm from da Loosiana Bayou, suh."" The supervisor thought to himself ""Hah, this coonass wants to come to Mississippi…

Seeing all those protesters/looters in Ferguson and NYC reminded me of these. What would you call the smartest protester in the world? Mildly retarded. What do you call 10 protesters in a circle? A dope ring. What does a protester use for contraception? His personality. What do you call a protester with half a brain? Gifted. Hey, did you hear about the protester who finished high school? Me either. What does the average protester get on an IQ test? Drool. I once asked a protester how …

Police in Mississippi shoot a man :( He had accidentally set himself ablaze, and police opened fire because he was waving fire arms in the air :)

Do you know how do you spell Mississippi with one I? *Covers left eye* M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I

If Mississippi lost her New Jersey what would Delaware? Idaho, Alaska

If Mississippi wore a New Jersey, what did Delaware? I dunno, Alaska.