#moshe

Two Jews, Saul and Moshe, hear that their friend has died. The funeral is the next day at 3. Saul, ever stylish, immediately realizes that ""we need black suits!"" and the two run to the tailor, Pinkus. Moshe is beyond himself, whining about how ""there's nothing to be done unless you help us Pinkus, we need black suits by tomorrow afternoon, but there's no time-"" ""Don't worry,"" interrupts Pinkus, ""I'll measure you both and the suits will be ready by tomorrow at 8am. And cheap."" And wouldn'…

Sam sees Moshe with a long face during the service... So after the service, Sam walks up to Moshe and asks: ""Why the long face, Moshe?"" He sighs and replies... ""Well, you see. My father-in-law just died."" Sam asks: ""But I thought you loathed the schlemiel?"" Moshe nods: ""That's true. But you see, we have his cremation on Tuesday and I don't have a suit. And suits aren't cheap."" Sam thinks for a moment. ""You know what, Moshe. I have this jet-black Armani suit. You can use that. Free of ch…

Two old Jews are walking down the street and see a sign outside of a church that says: ""Jews, come let us save your soul! Convert and we will give you $50!"" Shmuel and Moshe are walking down the street and see a sign outside of a church that says: ""Jews, come let us save your soul! Convert and we will give you $50!"" Shmuel and Moshe look at each other, amused by such mishegas, and plot that Moshe should go in, listen to their schtick, and then they can share the money. Shmuel waits for much …

Two Jews meet in a NY subway a Jewish man who was riding on the subway reading an Arab newspaper. A friend of his, who happened to be riding in the same subway car, noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he approached the newspaper reader. ""Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading an Arab newspaper?"" Moshe replied, ""I used to read the Jewish newspaper, but what did I find? Jews being persecuted, Israel being attacked, Jews disappearing through assimilation and intermarriage, …

Two beggars roaming around in Rome Two beggars are sitting side by side on the street in Rome. One has a cross in front of him, the other a Star of David. Many people go by, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross. A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar sitting behind the cross, but none give to the beggar sitting behind the Star of David. Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and says: ""Don…

Two beggars are sitting side by side on the street in Rome. One has a cross in front of him, the other a Star of David. Many people go by, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross. A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar sitting behind the cross, but none give to the beggar sitting behind the Star of David. Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and says: ""Don't you understand? This is a Cathol…

Moshe was walking down the street and gets run over by another Jewish driver. The driver speeds away and yells out the window ""Watch Out""! Moshe responds ""Why? Are you coming back?

There were two beggers sitting next to each other on the street in Vatican city, one had a large cross around his neck, the other had the star of David.It was a loverly day, the sun was shinning, there were thousands of people walking past the two beggers, but everyone was giving the man with the cross around his neck money, while the man with the star of david got nothing. One morning a high priest walked by the beggers and said the the begger with the star of david "" my friend, you are in Vat…

A Jew was converting to Christianity. So a Jew named Moshe Greene wanted to convert to Christianity. So Moshe goes to a Roman Catholic church and tell the preist there he wanted to convert. So as he is getting baptized the priest is saying ""you are no longer Moshe Greene, you are Paul Carpenter, you are not Moshe, you are Paul"".So with that Paul became a Christian. Fastforward to Lent when the preist sees Paul coming out of a butcher shop with a bag of beef, so in order not to embarress Paul, …

Several centuries ago, the Pope... Several centuries ago, the Pope ruled that all Jews in must convert or leave Italy. Obviously, there was a huge outcry amongst the Jewish community. The Pope then decided, "So be it. Send to me your greatest scholar, and we will have a religious debate. If he can beat me, then you all can stay." The Jews nominated Rabbi Moshe to represent them. Although he was aged, he was also one of their wisest. However, he spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Yiddish,…

Two beggars are sitting in the Vatican... There were two beggars sitting next to each other on the street in Vatican city, one had a large cross around his neck, the other had the star of David.It was a lovely day, the sun was shinning, there were thousands of people walking past the two beggars, but everyone was giving the man with the cross around his neck money, while the man with the star of David got nothing. One morning a high priest walked by the beggars and said the the beggar with the …

One day the pope decided to throw all the Jews out of Rome... He made an announcement to the Jewish community: "Send me your smartest scholar to convince me why I should let the Jewish people stay and I may reconsider my stance." The Roman Jewish community sent Rabbi Moshe, a 78 year old Hebrew school teacher and, according to everyone but himself, the smartest Jew in Rome. The Pope and Moshe meet in a large conference hall in the Vatican attended by everyone that could fit in the room. Since …

Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome One held a Cross in front of him; the other one was holding the Star of David. Many people passed by, looked at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar holding the Cross. The Pope came by and stopped to watch the number of people giving money to the beggar who held the Cross, while none gave to the beggar holding the Star of David. The Pope approached the beggar with the Star of David and said, "My poor fellow, don't…

Two beggars are sitting side by side on the street in Rome Two beggars are sitting side by side on the street in Rome. One has a cross in front of him, the other a Star of David. Many people go by, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross. A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar sitting behind the cross, but none give to the beggar sitting behind the Star of David. Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar behind the St…

Two beggars are sitting side by side on the street in Italy... Two beggars are sitting side by side on the street in Italy. One has a cross in front of him, the other a Star of David. Many people go by, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross. A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar sitting behind the cross, but none give to the beggar sitting behind the Star of David. Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar behind th…

On his deathbed, an old Jew says to his wife..... “Oh, Sarah, when the shop burned down you were right beside me.” The wife nodded dutifully, “I was, Moshe” He labored a bit and then said, “When the Nazis drove us out of our beloved Deutschland you were beside me again.” The wife tearfully said, “I was, Moshe” “And now you're at my death bed, aren't you?”, added Moshe. The wife replied, “I am, darling.” The old Jew sighed, “I'm starting to think you're bad luck, Sarah.”

The Great Debate Several centuries ago, the Pope decided that all the Jews had to leave the Vatican. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Jews, so the Pope agreed to debate with a member of their community. If the Jew won, they could stay. If the Pope won, the Jews would leave. Knowing they had no choice, they picked old Rabbi Moshe to represent them. His Latin wasn't very good, but he was a man of great faith and well respected. He accepted, on condition that it would be a silent d…

On his death bed, an old jew says to his wife: Oh, Sarah, when the shop burned down you were right beside me, no? - Sure I was, Moshe. When the Nazis drove us out of our beloved Deutschland you were beside me again, no? - I was, Moshe. And now you're at my death bed, aren't you? - I am, darling. I'm starting to think you're bad luck, Sarah.