#saul

Two Jews, Saul and Moshe, hear that their friend has died. The funeral is the next day at 3. Saul, ever stylish, immediately realizes that ""we need black suits!"" and the two run to the tailor, Pinkus. Moshe is beyond himself, whining about how ""there's nothing to be done unless you help us Pinkus, we need black suits by tomorrow afternoon, but there's no time-"" ""Don't worry,"" interrupts Pinkus, ""I'll measure you both and the suits will be ready by tomorrow at 8am. And cheap."" And wouldn'…

Saul Epstein was taking an oral exam in his English as a Second Language class... Saul was asked to spell ""cultivate,"" and he spelled it correctly. He was then asked to use the word in a sentence, and, with a big smile, responded: ""Last vinter on a very cold day, I vas vaiting for a bus, but it vas too cultivate, so I took the subvay home.""

Saul and Abe are walking down the street... And Saul grabs Abe by the arm and cries, ""Abe! I've got a riddle for you!"" ""Ok, Saul. Go ahead."" ""What's green, hangs on a wall, and whistles?"" ""I...You got me, Saul. What?"" ""A *herring*."" ""But...herrings aren't green."" ""Well, you can paint it green."" ""And they don't hang on walls."" ""Sure! You put a little nail in it, you can hang it on a wall."" ""and...and it doesn't whistle."" ""Ok, so it doesn't whistle.""

A man goes into a restaurant. **Saul:** A man goes into a restaurant. You listenin'? A man goes into a restaurant. He sits down, he's havin' a bowl of soup. He says to the waiter; ""Waiter, come taste the soup."" Waiter says; ""Is there something wrong with the soup?"" He says; ""Taste the soup."" He says; ""Is there something wrong with the soup? Is the soup too hot?"" He says; ""Will you taste the soup?"", ""What's wrong is the soup to cold?"" ""Will you just taste the soup?"" ""All right, I'l…

Why did the sweet scented man called Paul change his name to Saul? He liked the P, but preferred the essence the change.

best frnds Jake and Saul are two old retired widowers who reside close to each other and do constant welfare checks on each other. Much of their relationship is based on pragmatism rather than real friendship or personal affection. One day, as he drinks his morning coffee, Saul opens the morning paper and turns to the Obits page. He gets the shock of his life when he sees his own obituary in the column. He realizes that the query for info on him by the local newspaper several months earlier, was…

A Jewish man dies, his wife calls the newspaper to publish a death notice. The person taking the call asks her what it should say and politely informs her that they charge by the word. She tells him to put: ""Saul died."" The newspaper person tells her that the paper has a strict five word minimum on death notices. She thinks for a moment and tells him to put, ""Saul died. Cadillac for sale.""

Why did Saul want to kill Christians? Because he was Saulty. I'll^show^^myself^^^out...

Morty and Saul, are out one afternoon on a lake when their boat starts sinking. Saul the banker says to Morty, ""So listen, Morty, you know I don't swim so well."" Morty remembered how to carry another swimmer from his lifeguard class when he was just a kid. So Morty is begins tugging Saul toward shore. After twenty minutes, he begins to tire. Finally about 50 feet from shore, Morty asks Saul, ""So Saul, do you suppose you could float alone?"" Saul replies, ""Morty, this is a hell of a time to b…

Saul, the Jewish Lottery Winner So Saul, a 90-year-old Jew, wins the $300 million lottery. He's at the news conference to accept the check, and the reporters ask him if there's anyone he'd like to thank. "Yes," he says solemnly. "I'd like to thank my brother Eli for lending me the $5 to buy the ticket, and my brother David for driving me to the Circle-K to buy the ticket. "Lastly, I'd like to thank Adolph Hitler." The silence was sudden and complete; you could hear a pin drop. Finally a re…

Why do they bury lawyers 20 feet deep? Because deep down, they're good people. Thanks Saul.

Saul the Jewish Lottery Winner

Why did Saul want to kill Christians? Because he was Saulty. I'll