#rome

The Pope is visiting the US when suddenly... ... the phone rings in his room; there is an emergency in the Vatican and he needs to return immediately. So the Pope has arrangements made for the first available flight back to Rome and a taxi cab. The cab -unfortunately- takes ages to arrive and time is starting to run short. As the taxi is calmly underway to the airport, the Pope asks the driver, "Can't we speed up? We won't make it on time like this!" The driver responds, "I'm sorry, but I h…

Two beggars were sitting side by side on a street in Rome. One had a Cross in front of him; the other one was holding a Star of David. Many people went by, looked at both beggars, but put money only into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the Cross. One day, a procession came past, and it included His Holiness The Pope. He stopped to watch the throngs of people giving money to the beggar who held the Cross, while none gave to the beggar holding the Star of David. After a few minutes, the Po…

The haircut A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?" "We're taking American Airlines," was the reply. "We got a great rate!" "American Airlines?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in …

One day the pope decided to throw all the Jews out of Rome... He made an announcement to the Jewish community: "Send me your smartest scholar to convince me why I should let the Jewish people stay and I may reconsider my stance." The Roman Jewish community sent Rabbi Moshe, a 78 year old Hebrew school teacher and, according to everyone but himself, the smartest Jew in Rome. The Pope and Moshe meet in a large conference hall in the Vatican attended by everyone that could fit in the room. Since …

Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome One held a Cross in front of him; the other one was holding the Star of David. Many people passed by, looked at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar holding the Cross. The Pope came by and stopped to watch the number of people giving money to the beggar who held the Cross, while none gave to the beggar holding the Star of David. The Pope approached the beggar with the Star of David and said, "My poor fellow, don't…

The Roman Achilles. As you know, there is a lot of crossover between Roman and Greek paganism and mythology. Jupiter in Rome was Zeus in Greece, for example. However, what you might not know is that the Heroes of Greece were also adopted into Roman culture. Odysseus was called Ulysses, Aeneas is a charecter in both the Illiad, a greek poem, and the Aeneid, a roman "sequel" so to speak. Quite little known however, is the Roman equivalent of Achillies, Bophadee. The stories are similar. His mot…

My friend knows everyone... Dave was bragging to his boss one day: "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them." Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?" "No drama boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts, "Dave! What's happenin?!? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!" Although impresse…

The Haircut A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?" "We're taking American Airlines," was the reply. "We got a great rate!" "American Airlines?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Ro…

Everybody knows Bubba Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them." Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?" "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!" Alth…

Two Beggars in Rome Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome, Italy. One has a Cross in front of him; the other one is holding the Star of David. Many people go by, look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the Cross. The Pope comes by. He stops to watch the throngs of people giving money to the beggar who holds the Cross while none give to the beggar holding the Star of David. Finally, the Pope approaches the beggar with the Star of Dav…

Dave was bragging to his boss one day "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.” Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, “OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?” “No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.” So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise’s door and Tom Cruise shouts, “Dave! What’s happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer! Although impressed, Dave’s boss is still sceptical. After…

Two beggars are sitting side by side on the street in Rome Two beggars are sitting side by side on the street in Rome. One has a cross in front of him, the other a Star of David. Many people go by, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross. A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar sitting behind the cross, but none give to the beggar sitting behind the Star of David. Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar behind the St…

Two nuns were riding their bikes... Two nuns were riding their bikes through Rome headed to the Vatican. One nun said to the other, "You know, sister, I don't think I've ever come this way before." The other nun said, "It's the cobblestones."

A couple want to have children but the wife can't get pregnant... ...so they go to see a priest for advice. The priest tells them they came at the right time, since his superior just sent him to Rome for 10 years, and he's leaving tomorrow. 'As soon as I'll get there, I'll immediatly light a candle for you,' he promises. Time passes and the priest returns to the little town after 10 years. The first thing he does is visit the couple's home. He can hear a crazy loud noise when he knocks on the…

Two Beggars Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome. One has a cross in front of him; the other one the Star of David. Many people go by and look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross. A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar behind the cross, but none give to the beggar behind the Star of David. Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and says, "My poor fello…

The alien vessel landed quietly on St Peter's square in Rome... A hatch opened and two little grey men with dazzling smiles appeared. They were promptly granted an audience with the Pope. After a brief discussion about the weather, the Pope said, "I know this question may sound odd to you, but I was wondering if you and your kind knew about Jesus Christ?" "Jesus Christ?!" exclaimed the slightly taller of two aliens. "Of course we do! He visits our planet every two years or so. Awesome fellow!…

Two nuns were riding their bicycles in the back streets and alleys of Rome. One turns to the other and says "I've never come this way before!" The other replied "it's the cobblestones!"

Young entrepreneurs One day two young brothers in Rome, aged 12 and 14 came home with a 20 and 50 euro note. Their mother asked them where they got all that money. "Well, we were standing outside the brothel when a guy left," said the 12-year-old. "We told him we knew where he had been, so he asked us not to reveal anything and gave us 20 euros." "Then we followed the man," said the other boy, "and when he came to his house we told him that now we also knew where he lived. Then he gave us ano…

Guy goes to get a haircut [long] Barber says, “so what’s new?’ Guy: “I’m getting ready to go to Italy.” Barber: “Why the hell would you want to go there? It’s so overrated. Nasty place. What airline you flying?’ Guy: “Alitalia, out of JFK.’ Barber: “oh what a nightmare. I flew them once. Old rickety airplane, left late, got there later, lost my luggage. Just the pits. Where are you staying?’ Guy: “The Pensione Mascarpone in Rome.” Barber: “oh I know that place- what a dump. Rats running all ar…

When Chuck Norris is in Rome, the Romans do as Chuck Norris does.

An old mafia boss was at the end of his life He knew he didn't have much time left to live and he was getting worried about where he might end up after his death if he did not get absolution for his sins. He had been a very evil person and he knew that any old village priest would not be able to do the job so instead he arranged a meeting with the pope in Rome. The pope listened to all the sins the mafia boss had committed. "I can give you absolution for your sins," the pope said "but let me b…

A cannibal, a spy and a soldier... ...are at a bar one night in ancient Rome. The soldier is unusually quiet, drinking heavily and fighting back tears. "What's got you down?" the spy asks the soldier. He sighs. "I think my wife is cheating on me. She's out late at night, avoids me, ignores me, lately she hasn't come home at all. The signs point to her being unfaithful, and I don't know what to do." "Geez, that's a tough one, buddy," the cannibal says. He takes one last drink. "I have to h…

An Italian guy is out picking up women in Rome. While at his favorite bar, he manages to attract one rather attractive-looking blonde. They go back to his place, and sure enough, they go at it. After a long while, he climaxes. Then he rolls over, lights up a cigarette and asks her, “So… you finish?” After a short pause, she replies, “No.” Surprised, but pleasantly, he puts out his cigarette, rolls back on top of her, and has his way with her again, this time lasting even longer than the first…

History Lesson Teacher: 'When was Rome built?' Sanjay: 'At night, sir.' Teacher: 'Who told you that?’ Sanjay: 'You did, sir. You once said that Rome was not built in a day.'

Joe Bamboozle knows everybody (long) Ed and his friend Joe Bamboozle were walking along. They're passing by the signs for the big Taylor Swift concert. Ed says that he would have loved to get a ticket to the show, but the very worst seat was way out of his price range. Joe Bamboozle said "Oh, hey, no problem. I know Tay. Give me a minute." JB gets on his phone, talks for a few minutes. He says to Ed, "No sweat. We got tickets for tonight." Ed's thinking "Bullshit. At best, obstructed.…