#bernie

News: Hillary won the debate! My friends: Bernie won the debate! Trump: I won the debate! Huckabee: Asian people eat dogs!

"If Bernie doesn't get the nom, I'm voting Trump." "Also, if McDonald's is out of chicken nuggets, I'm going to eat 20 scorpions."

I think we should elect Bernie. When Isis hears a Jew is president they will all have heart attacks and die.

The Will. Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him. He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak: ""My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses. ""My daughter Sybil, you take the apartments over in the east end."" ""My son, Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City Centre. ""Sarah, my dear wife, please take all …

Hillary Clinton and Bernie sanders are having dinner together! Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders were having dinner when Hillary said to Bernie ""Let me get you a knife"" Bernie said ""I'll just use this one you put in my back""

It Turns out Trump was right about 1 thing... Never send a woman to do a man's job! Bernie 2020!

I emailed Hillary that to secure a win, she had to pick Bernie as VP. I guess she deleted it.

Mr. Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him. He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak: My son, ""Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses."" My daughter ""Sybil, you take the apartments over in the east end."" My son, ""Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City Centre."" ""Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the resi…

Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, and a young girl all board a small plane... Midway through the flight, the pilot has a stroke and the plane starts to go down. There are only three parachutes on board and the four passengers quickly discuss who of them will take them. Immediately the Donald says, ""I'm the first human orange to be nominated for president, I should be given the chance to live!"" He quickly grabs the first chute, slings it on his back, and hops out of the plane. Befo…

I hear Bernie has his own personal knives and forks... They're called cucklery

Hillary Clinton hot sauce Fiery and Bernie out the back end

Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd. Bernie leans towards Hillary and said, ""Do you know that with one little wave of my hand, i can make this crowd go absolutely wild with joy? The will not just be a momentary joy, this joy will be huge and they will forever speak of this day as the day that we made America work for everyone!"" Hillary replied, ""I seriously doubt that! with one little wave of your hand ... show me!"" So Bernie Sanders backhand sla…

Bernie supporters voting for Trump isn't like drinking bleach, its like drinking castor oil... we know its going to be awful, but we have something we *really* need to get rid of.

Voting for the president ... At the day of election, no one showed up as they didn't see any good future for the great 'Murica. And as all the politicians stood baffled, Obama stepped in and made everyone agree to make a literal presidential race. The contest was to see who could get around the white house the fastest. Bernie started it out, but due to his age, he wasn't able to get a faster time than 27:05. Trump went second, being the great American he was, he got the time 14:56, which was qui…

To all the Bernie supporters... This isn't the first time a Clinton has left a bad taste in someone's mouth.

Hillary should make Bernie the ambassador to Japan. His knowledge of harpooning whales will definitely help bridge the cultural divide.

Never trust a ""Bernie"" to manage your finances... The last one I knew Madoff with all my money.

Why does Bernie know he'll win the elections? Because his good friend Nostradamus told him he would.

I had a Bernie supporters joke..... But most of them don't work.

If Bernie doesn't get the nomination, I'm voting Trump... Also, if McDonalds is out of Chicken Nuggets, I'm going to eat 20 scorpions.

A jew called Bernie ran the biggest ponzi schema ever , he took millions from gullible low information people promising them unrealistic returns . I was talking about Bernie Madoff not Bernie Sanders you a**holes Donate 27 $ and we can still win the Presidency !!!

Hillary and Bernie are on a boat Hillary and Bernie Sanders are on a boat. It's sinking. Who survives? America survives

Donald Trump goes to meet the queen... ...while there he is most impressed with the service she recieves from her butlers and staff and he asks her how she gets such good employees. She says she screen them for intelligence and proceeds to demonstrate by summoning David Cameron: ""Come here, David. Now answer me,"" she starts, ""if your mother and your father have a child and that child is neither your sister nor your brother, who is that child?"" David looks a bit flustered but answers: ""Why M…

I think Bernie would win for sure if he had served in the military and reached the rank of Colonel And he would be sure to get the black vote.

What's Bernie Sanders's favorite insurance company? Progressive *this just popped up in my head while in the shower. If already posted I apologize in advance*