#tom-cruise

Top Gun was so unrealistic Everyone knows Tom Cruise can't reach the clutch on a motorcycle

Every morning Tom Cruise announces how many Latinos moved into his neighborhood. He calls it the Minority Report.

Tom Cruise has signed on for Mission Impossible IV. His impossible mission is trying not to show up on everyone's gaydar.

I have too much stuff in my closet, so no one can be certain Tom Cruise isn't hanging out in there, too.

Tom Cruise has signed on for Mission Impossible V. His impossible mission is trying not to show up on everyone's gaydar.

Aliens are in space right now watching all these movies where Tom Cruise defeats them, and they are laughing so hard one just peed a little.

Tom Cruise does all of his own stunts because death is the only way out of the Church of Scientology.

My apologies to Tom Cruise. I honestly thought that Scientologists dug up and studied old scientists.

Tom Cruise has never starred in a movie where his character description didn't include the word "hotshot."

Ricky Martin should have waited until Saturday so he could come out the same day as the iPad. Maybe that's what Tom Cruise is waiting for?

When Tom Cruise is driving, he says "Now in Cruise Control!" with this stupid smirk on his face even when there's no one else in the car.

I paid 10.50 for a movie ticket to watch Tom Cruise die continuously for 2 hours. I would have paid a hundred dollars to watch that.

Say Bubba, do you know.... *One of my favorite Bubba jokes* Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, ""You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."" Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, ""OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?"" ""Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."" So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, ""Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend c…

Tom Cruise Jokes, Anyone?

Funny joke that should make you laugh A young boy went up to his father and asked him, ""Dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically?"" The father thought for a moment, then answered, ""Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars,and ask your brother if he'd sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."" So the boy…

Dave is constantly bragging to everyone at work that he knows everyone in the world. Eventually, his boss has had enough of his shit, and tells Dave to prove it. So, Dave says ""sure, name someone, and I'll prove to you that I know them."" After a minute of thinking, the boss suggests Tom Cruise, and so off they go to see him. Once they arrive at Cruise's house, Dave knocks on the door, and is immediately buzzed in. Tom Cruise comes running down the stairs and says ""Dave old buddy, good to see …

Tom Cruise was carrying amphetamine when he was mugged. When the ambulance arrived the paramedic examined Tom Cruise and determined he was winded by a swift knee to the solar plexus. The police officer wrote in his file: ""The victim, Tom Cruise, got kneed for speed.""

Three brothers longed for wealth and fame So they put together an expedition to track down the lost treasures of Egypt. They weren't particularly successful, but they stumbled on the a tomb and decided to check it out, even though it wasn't on their list. Inside, there were three passageways with an inscription above each one. ""He who enters shall die a watery death"" read the first. ""He who enters shall die a fiery death"" read the second. ""He who enters shall die a mysterious death"" read t…

Why did Katie Holmes divorce Tom Cruise? She heard he was in a few good men.

Tom Cruise starts a cooking show... ""Whisky Business."" Like a whisk.. not whisky.. you know like, the metal cooking utensil? This is funny...Right? Right?

Did you hear that Tom Cruise is hiring Rebecca De Mornay for the weekend to help him make cat food? Yep, it'll be ""Friskies"" Business!

Why was Tom Cruise hired by Volkswagen? Emission Impossible

Movies you wish Tom Cruise would star in: Remission Impossible

Of course Tom Cruise will complete his mission. With Xenu, all things are possible.

Tom Cruise was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 10. Still awaiting his response...