Tom Cruise was carrying amphetamine when he was mugged. When the ambulance arrived the paramedic examined Tom Cruise and determined he was winded by a swift knee to the solar plexus. The police officer wrote in his file: ""The victim, Tom Cruise, got kneed for speed.""
cop: we found your wife with a knife in her back me: that doesn't sound like her, she never kept a knife there
Officer: Do you know you have a blinker out? Me: Yes, officer. Officer: When did you plan on getting that fixed? Me: 2005
Chief: You're the WORST cop in the department! Hand over your gun and badge! Me: *realising I left both in my son's crib* Uhhhhh....
[police lineup] VICTIM: That's him! The dopey fat guy in the middle. COP: We haven't started yet. That's your own reflection in the glass.
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