Top Gun was so unrealistic Everyone knows Tom Cruise can't reach the clutch on a motorcycle

Every morning Tom Cruise announces how many Latinos moved into his neighborhood. He calls it the Minority Report.

I have too much stuff in my closet, so no one can be certain Tom Cruise isn't hanging out in there, too.

Tom Cruise does all of his own stunts because death is the only way out of the Church of Scientology.