#volkswagen

I wish I drove a Volkswagen bug. It would be cool to know that every time I drove by a school bus, some kid was getting punched.

I'm thinking about buying a Volkswagen Beetle just so I can be the reason why people keep getting punched.

My dream is to be a security guard on Maury. I'd whisper "you look like a Volkswagen Beetle with eyes." When the women were crying backstage

A blonde is pulling into a car park in her Volkswagen Beetle... ...when she sees another blonde with the hood/bonnet * of her Volkswagen Beetle up. Thinking that she may be able to help she pulls over and asks the other blonde what the problem is. ""Well, I was just about to drive off but my engine won't start. I had a look and saw that my engine was gone..."", replied the second blonde. ""Well, not to worry,"" replied the first, ""I have a spare one in my trunk/boot *"". *Please select appropri…

A guy suspects his wife is cheating on him so he comes home early from work one day... His wife meets him at the door in a bathrobe, her hair a mess. ""Where is he?"" he demands. ""Where's the guy who's been sleeping with you?"" ""I don't know what you're talking about, dear,"" she answers, so the guy tears the house apart looking for him. Finally, he's on the second floor in the kitchen, he looks out the window and sees a guy sitting in a Volkswagen. ""That's him,"" the guy thinks. ""That's the…

Volkswagen just introduced a new electric car... It's called the Volts Wagon.

What's harder than getting a pregnant elephant into a Volkswagen? Getting an elephant pregnant in a Volkswagen.

A young salesman moves to the big city He wants a job with the biggest department store. So he meets with the manager of the store and the manager asks him ""so what makes you think you'd be so good at sales?"" ""Because I am good at figuring out what people might want"" said the young sales boy. The manager decides to give him a shot and tells him to start at 8am the next morning and he'll be by at 5pm to see how he did. The day was long but the boy made it through. At 5pm the boss came to see …

I put a lot of basil, parsley, rosemary and thyme in my old Volkswagen Beetle... ..it became herby.

A keen country lad applied for a salesman's job at a city department store. At the end of his first day on the job his boss walked up to him and asked, ""How many sales did you make today?"" ""One,"" said the young salesman. ""Only one,"" blurted the boss, ""Most of my staff makes 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth?"" ""$100,000,"" said the young man. ""How did you manage that?"" asked the flabbergasted boss. ""Well,"" said the salesman ""this man came in and I sold him a small fi…

How do you fit 100 Jews in a Volkswagen? 2 in the front, 3 in the back, 1 in the boot and the rest in the ashtray.

I saw a commercial for a car dealership the other day... They kept going on about how they couldn't believe the incredibly low prices they were able to offer on a Volkswagen, and how much cash you could end up saving on something that's a true marvel of German engineering. Why on Earth would you try to market the quality of German engineering to a bunch of Jews?

Volkswagen should hire Arnold Schwarzenegger to deal with their emission scandal He's got experience with a Total Recall

How do you fit 42 Jews into a Volkswagen bug? 1 in the drivers seat, 1 in the passengers seat, and 40 in the ash tray.

Wife to Husband: Before we were married, your farts didn't stink so much. Why? Husband: I cheated on emission tests !! Courtesy: Volkswagen *I don't know whether the Volkswagen issue lost steam, but this joke still makes me laugh

What's common to both Adolf Hitler and Volkswagen? Both of them can kill people with poisonous fumes

Volkswagen emissions test. You know guys, this whole deal with the Volkswagen emissions test just goes to show that the Germans will do anything to gas you. I will enjoy my trip to hell.

What do you call a electric Volkswagen? A **Volts**wagon

How do you fit 1000 jews in a Volkswagen? 2 in the front, the rest in the ashtray

The meeting with Kim Davis isn't the only thing on his U.S. trip that Pope Francis wanted to keep secret... The engine in his Fiat was a Volkswagen diesel.

Why was Tom Cruise hired by Volkswagen? Emission Impossible

Volkswagen upset a lot of people by not using AdBlue in their TDI engines... ...they really took the piss out of clean diesel.

Should I include ""hard working and honest"" in my resume? Applying for a software engineer's role at Volkswagen.

I was just reading about the Volkswagen fiasco recently, and something puzzled me. It's not like Germans to get gas emissions wrong.

Thanks to Volkswagen, I'm now even starting to doubt if Herbie was a true story.