I'll usually order the chicken sandwich. I like my food to be more cowardly than I am.

told my girl I was going to a wine tasting, now she's coming and I was just gonna eat a dead bird and some expired cat food behind a Costco

"I'm a vegetarian but I eat fish." - People who don't get how definitions work.

My son just handed me a duck & a pig from his puzzle & smiled as if that made us "even" for all the food/clothing I've given him.