Why is American Airlines the best airlines company? Because they are the only one to drop you directly to your office.

'Appearances can be deceiving' said my fortune cookie message; then I realized I've cracked open a snail.

Me: Define Illegal Cop: You're drunk, riding a horse, shooting a gun and yelling 'For Narnia' Me: I want my lawyer.

At my funeral I want a dozen doves recaptured.