#mrs

"Is there really a fire? Prove it." -Mrs. Doubtfire

When will forms stop asking me if I'm Mrs, Miss, or Ms and realise I'm an @?

What idiot called them Ex-fiancees' and not 'Near-Mrs' ?

DRIVING ON HIGHWAY Wife: You just missed a right. Me: Thanks babe you just MRS right.

(sheepishly putting my arm around pitbull) so is there a mrs worldwide

The Mrs recognizes my "tell" when I've seen an attractive woman: my eyes pop 4 inches out of their sockets and I make a loud "A-OOGA" noise.

Mrs. Jones In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to r…

The Will. Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him. He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak: ""My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses. ""My daughter Sybil, you take the apartments over in the east end."" ""My son, Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City Centre. ""Sarah, my dear wife, please take all …

in the doghouse again I'm in the doghouse again. Last night my Mrs winked an said ""If I turned the bedside lamp off, she'd take it up the arse"". I think I should of waited for the bulb to cool down a bit first!

Pregnancy in the 1940's. (Doc) - ""Mrs. Smith, I have some **great** news for you"".... (Patient) - ""Thats MISS Smith, doctor!"".... (Doc) - ""Miss Smith, I have some *bad* news for you""....

A frog goes into a bank. . . . . . and approaches the teller. He can see from her name plate that the teller's name is Patricia Whak. So, he says, ""Mrs. Whak, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."" Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow. The frog says ""$30,000."" The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it is OK, he knows the bank manager. Patti explains that $30,000…

Mrs. A was my favorite teacher in grade school. She was by far the nicest of all of the staph at school.

Toasting contest Paddy O'Quinn is down at the pub and wins the toasting competition with "" Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me beautiful wife."" Proud of this he goes home and tells the wife he won. She asked what toast he used. Not wanting to embarass a good Catholic girl he says "" I said, here's to spending the rest of me life sitting in church with me beautiful wife."" The next day the Mrs runs into one of Paddy's friends, he asks her to congratulate Paddy again on…

Mrs. Rosenberg walks into a hotel and asks the guy behind the counter to put her up for the night. ""Name?"" he asks ""Mrs. Rosenberg"" she replies ""I'm sorry, ma'am, but we don't give out rooms to Jews."" ""Jews? Who's the Jew here? I am Catholic"" the woman yells. ""Oh really? Then please tell me who is the Son of God."" ""Jesus Christ"" the woman says. ""And who were his parents' names?"" ""Mary and Joseph"" ""And where was he born?"" ""In a barn where the animals were fed and bathed."" ""OK…

Teacher offers Monday absence to the students in a middle school class ...If anyone can use the term 'definitely' properly in a phrase. So Sarah raises her hand, and says ""The sky is definitely blue."" Teacher tells her: ""That's a very good response! But, sometimes the sky turns rather pink, or it gets dark out, and the sky gets black. Anyone else?"" After some silence, Ted raises his hand. ""The grass is definitely green"", he declares. ""Now that's an excellent one!"" The teacher declares. "…

Hello class, I'm Mrs. Prussy. Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher. She says, ""Hello class, I'm Mrs. Prussy. When you say my name class remember it has an ""r"" after the first letter."" The entire class says, ""Hello Mrs. Prussy."" A few days later the regular teacher is still sick when Little Johnny gets to his desk the teacher asks what her name is. Johnny thinks hard and the says to the teacher, ""I remember it has an ""r"" after the f…

Mr. Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him. He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak: My son, ""Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses."" My daughter ""Sybil, you take the apartments over in the east end."" My son, ""Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City Centre."" ""Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the resi…

Grandma in court In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly grandmother to the stand. He approached her and asked; ""Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"" She responded, ""Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you're a big disappointment to me.. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never w…

Teacher offers middle school students a monday absence. If.... ...Anyone can use the term 'definitely' properly in a phrase. So Sarah raises her hand, and says ""The sky is definitely blue."" Teacher tells her: ""That's a very good response! But, sometimes the sky turns rather pink, or it gets dark out, and the sky gets black. Anyone else?"" After some silence, Ted raises his hand. ""The grass is definitely green"", he declares. ""Now that's an excellent one!"" The teacher declares. ""But when i…

Things are not really as they seem... An old lady would cross from Brazil's border to Paraguay in the Friendship Bridge by bike, only taking with her a bag full of sand. Following the usual, the border inspector checked her and the bag, and seeing nothing illegal, he let her pass. She crossed the bridge everyday for about 1 year, until the inspector gave up to his curiosity and finally asked : "" Excuse me Mrs., i can't take it anymore. Everyday you pass through here with this bag, with nothing …

Granny's wisdom In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains…

Billy asked our Astronomy teacher a simple question today... ""Mrs. North? How big is Uranus?"" Billy was sent to the office...

The Teacher says to the class: Who ever stands up is stupid *Nobody stands up* Teacher: I said who ever stands up is STUPID! *Little Johnny stands up* Teacher: Johnny, do you really think that you are stupid? Little Johnny: No Mrs, I just thought that maybe you are lonely being the only one standing.

Women left at the alter near-Mrs

An Irishman was working at a brewery... ...and fell in one of the beer vats and drowned. So the brewmaster visits the man's wife at home. When she answers the door, he tells her ""Mrs. O'Leary, I've got horrible news for you. Your husband fell into a beer vat today and drowned."" ""Oh my god, that's awful,"" she cried. Through tears, she asked ""well, did he suffer?"" ""I don't think so,"" said the brewmaster, ""he did get out three times to take a piss.""