#jones

Trying to grab something out of my minivan while the automatic door is closing is the most Indiana Jones-y part of my day.

Wrote "I wanna rock!" on every answer to this Geology test and they made me a tenured professor with a beard and an Indiana Jones hat.

Billions of years from now, Star Jones will expand and collapse in a brilliant explosion of cosmic matter and become Black Hole Jones.

My house is like an Indiana Jones movie. Partly because I walk around with a bullwhip, but mostly because of all the cobwebs.

Was driving with my dad the other day and he told me to get the map out of the glove box. Easy there Indiana Jones, I will just google it.

Remember when Indiana Jones risked having his arm crushed to rescue his hat? I'd do that for my iPhone.

The scene where Indiana Jones swaps the bags and runs from a boulder but it's me trying to eat a cookie without my kid seeing me

Can't stop thinking about really disturbing things today, like what if they had called him Illinois Jones.

Indiana Jones: [screaming as his hand is crushed under a door] ARRGGHHH! WHY? WHY DID I REACH FOR MY HAT? I OWN SO MANY HATS!!

I saw a black man drop his wallet today. I opened it up, chased him down the street and said,Mr Jones? He said, No that's not me.

Mrs. Jones In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to r…

American, Indian and Russian go to hell... An American, an Indian and a Russian got to hell after they died and were met by the Devil with a huge whip (twice as big as Indiana Jones had). So Devil met them and said... -""I give everyone one chance to go to heaven, all you have to do is withstand three lashes from my whip, also you can defend yourself with anything. So who is going to go first???"" An American steps forward and says -""I will go first and I will defend myself with this rock"" and…

Grandma in court In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly grandmother to the stand. He approached her and asked; ""Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"" She responded, ""Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you're a big disappointment to me.. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never w…

Granny's wisdom In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains…

If Indiana Jones was a new-born Christian what would he change his job title to? Arkeologist.

Why does Indiana Jones hate the letters ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWX and Y Because they're not Zs. Sorry.

Q: How many letters 'T' are in Indiana Jones? A: 17. Ta-ta-tat'-taaa ta-ta-taa Ta-ta-tat'-taaa ta-taa-taa-taaa!

Wake Mr Jones One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. ""Reverend,"" she said, ""I have a problem, my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"" ""I have an idea,"" said the minister. ""Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."" In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed of…

I think always mixing up vocabulary words in school hurt my career options. Because I always wanted to be an archipelago just like ""Indiana Jones""!

A very zealous soul-winning young preacher recently came upon a farmer working in his field. Being concerned about the farmer's soul the preacher asked the man, ""Are you laboring in the vineyard of the Lord my good man?"" Not even looking at the preacher and continuing his work the farmer replied, ""Naw, these are soybeans."" ""You don't understand,"" said the preacher. ""Are you a Christian?"" With the same amount of interest as his previous answer the farmer said, ""Nope my name is Jones. You…

Catherine Zeta-Jones was recently diagnosed with bi-polar disorder half of the time she is Zeta, the other half shes Jones

Three young boys are talking about the creepiest people they know. The first boy says, ""I heard old man Jones once caught a bat, cooked it, and ate it!"" The second boy, unimpressed, replied ""Well I heard that there is a clown down on Maple Street that has red eyes and spiders for pets!"" The third boy finally pipes up. ""I heard my dad the other night talking to my mom. I guess she bleeds for a whole week every month and doesn't even die!""

Mrs. Jones on the witness stand. In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you h…

Frog Joke. What do you call a temple-running frog? Amphibiana Jones.

Breaking News! Breaking News: The peer-reviewed astrology journal, Stars, has withdrawn a paper from their June 2013 issue after the American Astrology Association stripped Willow Cosgrove of her astrology license, stating ""severe breaches of astrology ethics"" in the research methodology of her paper ""Romance Strategies for Libras on the Cusp"". Rogerblossom Jones, president of the AAA, stated in a press conference today that Cosgrove ""made up entire sections"" of the paper ""just out of her…