"Is there really a fire? Prove it." -Mrs. Doubtfire

Boss: You're fired Me: No YOU'RE fired Boss: No Me: Yeah Boss: *starts sweating*

*boss at staff meeting* Hey, do you have anything positive to add to this meeting? Yeah, I just realized I can sleep with my eyes open.

Coworker: Pass your random drug test? Me: With flying colors! CW: Really? Me. So many colors! CW: You're high right now aren't you?