The Berlin Wall Guard A guard stood in the East crossing of the Berlin Wall when he is approached by a man on a bicycle, carrying a suitcase. ""Before I let you cross, I need to check what's inside your suitcase,"" the guard says, and takes the suitcase. He puts on his gloves, and opens the case for examination only to find that the case is filled with sand. He sifts through the sand but cannot find anything else, so he closes the suitcase, hands it back and lets the man through. A couple of wee

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The German Plumber. Yesterday as I was taking my morning shower at 7:00am, it stopped half way through when I was putting my shampoo in my hair, great, so I wiped it out with a towel. I called a man after I came back from work around 5pm. The man, at first, sounded French but with almost an American accent, probably since he's been here a long time. He came round the next day to look at my shower in the morning on my day off work. He told me that one of the pipes had came loose and he needed to

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Hitler's Dream Hitler Awakens in the middle of night . Eva asks him : "" What happened Adi Russians in Berlin ?"" ""Ehhh no, i had stupid dream about Germany in year 2016 : Chancelor is woman, Foreign Minister is Fag , Turks working in the factories of Daimler-Benz , Germany pays debts of Greeks and Spaniards. Instead of Nazis there are Gays marching on streets. , We are paying to the Jews. And are listening to orders of some stupid America blackman. ! And thats not all... Fascists arent in Reic

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A German joke (I tried to translate a German joke into English. For the full effect try to read it in an East German accent. Just try your best imitation of a German accent and make it sound shitty on purpose.) After the fall of the Berlin wall an East German decides to visit West Germany for the first time. He is amazed by how different everything is and decides to take a cab to explore everything. He enters the Mercedes cab and they drive off. He notices the Mercedes-Benz hood ornament, but do

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A joke/story about the Berlin Airlift So last year when I was taking AP US History we got to talking about the Cold War and the Berlin Airlift, which, if you didn't know, was when American/Allied forces dropped supplies into and evacuated East Berlin, which was under Soviet control. Now, it's worth noting that my teacher encouraged students to make puns off of the content, and actually had competitions between the class periods on who could get the most puns. Now as she was lecturing one kid, we

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A man goes to the pet store... And walks up to the shopkeep. ""I'd like to buy a dog please,"" the man said. ""Certainly sir, I think I have one you might like,"" replied the shopkeep. The shopkeep then leads the man through to a room separate from the rest of the shop, that's completely empty except for a dog sitting on a dog's bed. ""Hmm, nice looking dog there,"" the man says. ""Thanks mate, I always appreciate a compliment,"" says the dog. The man steps back in amazement. ""A talking dog, th

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It was 1940... ...in war time Berlin. An SS Officer had a side line going as an amateur clock maker and repairer. One day a customer walked into his clock repair shop with a mantel clock. The SS Officer said ""Vhat can I do for you?"" The customer replied. ""It's my mantel clock. It's not working properly... if you put your ear to it, you will know what I mean. All it does is Tic-Tic-Tic-Tic-Tic all of the time Tic-Tic-Tic. It doesn't Toc"". ""Okay, leave it viz me, I'll sort it out. Come back o

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A blind man... ...enters the [KaDeWe](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kaufhaus_des_Westens) in Berlin, together with his seeing eye dog. Tapping his cane, he makes his way along the displays when suddenly he stops, grabs his dog by the hind legs and twirls it around above his head a couple of times. Of course, the other shoppers are upset with the commotion. Fortunately, the floor manager arrives promptly and takes charge. ""Sir, what *were* you doing?"" he demands indignantly. ""Oh,"" replies the

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Some historic anti-Nazi jokes from Germany Hey there. I thought, I'll take the time and translate you some of the so-called ""Flusterwitze""(whisper jokes) from nazi Germany. * The old code of law seems to complicated, so it has to be changed. From now on, there are only three laws: 1. If you do something, or fail to do something, you are punished. 2. The penalty is determined by the peoples emotion*. 3.What the peoples emotions is dictated by the Gauleiter(governor). (1934/35) (original: ""gesu

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