#the-bar

Blonds and Blind Cowboys An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, Given that you are blind, that you should know five things: 1. The bartender is …

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake... He finds his way to a barstool and orders a beer. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things: The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. The boun…

Into The Bar, Walks A Pirate Pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says: ""Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"" ""What do you mean?"" the pirate replies, ""I'm fine."" The bartender says, ""But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."" ""Well,"" says the pirate, ""We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."" ""Yeah,"" says the bartender, ""But what about that hook? Last time I …

Blind Cowboys and Blond Bikers (Long) An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake... He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things: 1) The…

A man enters a bar with a revolver He climb up a table, looked around and yell. ""WHICH ONE OF YOU SLEPT WITH MY WIFE?!"" The bar went silent for a minute when suddenly a man at the back says. ""you are gonna need more than 6 shots pal!""

Blonde Joke An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake... He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things: The bartender is a blonde girl w…

A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar The bar tender looks at him for a few seconds and finally says "" alright, you can stay..just don't start anything""

A frustrated doctor walks into a bar The bar tender asks, why are you fuming The doctor responds,""I DONT HAVE ENOUGH PATIENCE""

Blonde Joke An old visually impaired cattle rustler meanders into an all-young lady biker bar by misstep... He discovers his way to a bar stool and requests an injection of Jack Daniels. Subsequent to staying there for some time, he shouts to the barkeep, 'Hello, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar quickly falls completely quiet. In a profound, imposing voice, the lady by him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is not out of the question, given that you are visually impaired,…

A black man walks into a bar... A black man walks into a noisy, crowded bar with a beautiful, multicolored parrot on his shoulder. As soon as he steps in, all noise suddenly ceases and everyone turns to stare at him. One man steps forward and asks, stunned: ""Where did you get that?"" The bar is quiet, save the creaks of seats as everyone leans in to hear the answer. ""Go to Africa,"" the parrot responds, ""there's millions of them.""

Harambe and his carer walk into a bar... The bar tender says, ""What'll it be for you two?"" Harambe says, ""I'll just have a beer thanks."" His carer says, ""Actually he'll have just ice."" ""Just Ice?"" replies the bar tender? ""Yep. Justice for Harambe.""

The pact of brothers... Jeff has moved to a new country and has settled in a new place. Around the corner is a bar which Jeff goes to check out. Once in, Jeff orders 3 beers in a row and begins to drink them simultaneously... The bar tender thinks this a bit strange but nevertheless he is making business. Jeff frequents the bar, generally nightly and each time he orders 3 beers in a row, drinking them simultaneously... The bar tender/other patrons who are now friendly with Jeff, ask him why he d…

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar... The bar collapses from the weight and becomes a black hole \*BA DUM TSSS\*

Joke my scinence teacher dropped on us A lithium atom walked into a bar and said ""Hey I think I left some electrons in here last night, have you seen any?"" The bar tender replied, ""No, are you sure you lost them?"" The lithium atom replied ""Yes I'm positive...""

A dog walks into a bar. He says to the bartender ""wolf! wolf!""... The owner looks at the dog and poors a drink. the dog snarls and replies again ""wolf! wolf!"" The bar owner having had enough yelled ""who let that mut in here?!"" He then grabbed the dog by the collar and started to lead it out the door... Just then he received a sharp pain on the left side of his neck. Turning to confront the pain before his eyes. He ripped flesh from his neck as blood spewed and splattered forth. He fell to …

A Muslim cannibal walks into a bar The bar tender says, 'Wow, is it true that human meat tastes like pork?"" The Muslim says ""How am I supposed to know? I'm a Muslim, I don't eat pork.""

Ellen Pao walked into a bar The bar bent. Bartender served her 3 sets of jumbo meals. Bartender had to repair the door.

Two guys are enjoying a few drinks at a bar. One starts to insult the other one. He screams: - ""I slept with your mother!"" The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells: - ""I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!"" The other says: - ""Go home dad you're drunk.""

A man slides off his bar stool and slams face first into the floor... He tries to stand up and falls right back to the floor. He gets some concerned looks from other bar patrons and vehemently declares that he needs no ones help getting up. He pulls himself back up onto the stool, gathers himself for a second attempt, and falls right back to the floor. His stubborn pride won't allow him to accept the aid of anyone so he decides to just crawl his way out of the bar. Accepting the fact he's too dr…

A white guy and a black guy walk into a bar... The bar tender then proceeds to ask for their IDs to make sure they are legal to drink. The white guy hands him his ID and the bar tender checks his age, checks the picture, then hands it back and says ""ok"". Then the black guy hands him his ID. The bar tender checks his age, checks the picture, then hands it back and says ""thank you"". As the white guy gets ready to ask for a drink the black guy turns to him and quietly asks, ""Is this joke going…

A Pirate's Tale [Note: this joke is an all-time favorite of mine. Like ""The Aristocrats,"" the artistry to telling this joke is in the embellishment and artistry of spinning an engaging tale to setup the punchline. Your mileage may vary--this is the core of the joke.] Down along a small port town along the boat docks, an assortment of sailors, fishermen, and docksworkers were all having a pint or two after work at the local pub. As the burly bunch enjoyed their drinks and spun tales of their ad…

A tale about a cowboy's horse After a long night of drinking beers in the local bar a cowboy decides to head home. He exits the bar and searches for his horse, only to find out that his horse is not there anymore. Infuriated he went back in the bar and screams out loud:'Who stole my horse?' The bar remaining dead silent, leaving the man to no other option then screaming: 'If no one tells me where my horse is, the same will happen as in 1989, and I do not like to let that happen again...' With ev…

A midget walks into a bar... The bar was set too low.

Two Germans in London Two Germans wanted to visit London just a few months after the second world war. Because they are afraid that people will judge them for being German they decide to pretend like they are Englishmen. After a long day of site-seeing they walk into a pub to have a drink. They walk up to the bar and ask the barkeeper in perfect English: ""Could we have two sherries please?"" The bar keeper responds:""Dry?"" ""NEIN ZWEI!!!""

Rene Descartes walks into a bar The bar tender asks him if he wants a drink, he says ""I think not."" He then disappears.