#first-woman

Two women who are dog owners are arguing which dog is smarter. First woman: My dog is so smart. Every morning he waits for the paperboy to come around and then he takes a newspaper and brings it to me. Second woman: I know. First one: How? Second one: My dog told me.

Two women died at the same time. Both women had lived good christian lives. They both found themselves standing in front of the pearly gates greeted by St. Peter. St. Peter said that they were shoe-ins to heaven, but they each had to answer one question in order to get in. He asks the first woman "What was the name of the first woman?" "That's easy, she says. Her name was Eve." Trumpets sound and angels sing as the gates open and she enters the kingdom of heaven. To the second woman St.…

Three old women were sitting on a bench in the park... chatting when a man wearing a trench coat approached and flashed them. The first woman instantly had a stroke, as did the second. The third one couldn't quite reach.

Three nuns get into a car accident 2... and are killed. Sisters Mary, Rose, and Kathleen arrive at the pearly gates confident that their entry was inevitable. They are met by Saint Peter, who explains to them that even though the spent their mortal lives in service to God, they were not gauranteed a place in Heaven. There were some questions that would need to be answered first. They are all very stressed out about the possibility of getting questions they might not be able to answer. Kathleen …

Streaker in a Gym!!! Three women are in a gym locker room dressing up to play racquetball, suddenly, a guy runs through the room wearing nothing but a bag over his head. He passes the first woman, who looks down at his privates. "Thank goodness!!! He's not my husband," she says. He passes by the second woman, who also looks down as he's passing. "He's not my husband either," she says, also not recognizing the unit. He passes by the third woman, who also looks down as he runs by her. …

Three old women were sitting on a park bench... ...all of a sudden, a man ran in front of them wearing a long overcoat. He opened up his coat, and he was wearing nothing underneath. The first woman had a stroke. The second woman had a stroke. The third one couldn't reach.

Ducks Three women die in an accident and go to Heaven. There Saint Peter says, 'We only have one rule - don't step on the ducks!' They enter Heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks everywhere. In fact, it's almost impossible not to step on a duck, and the first woman accidently steps on one straight away. Saint Peter comes along with the ugliest man the woman has ever seen and chains them together saying, 'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!' T…

The first woman on the moon The first woman on the moon: - Houston, we have a problem - What is it? - It doesn't matter, it's nothing - What is the problem? - Nothing! - Please, state your problem. - You know too damn well, what the problem is!"

Three old women are discussing how their memory isn't what it used to be. The first woman says, "Sometimes, I'm in the elevator, and I don't remember if I'm going up or down." "The second woman says, "sometimes, I have a bottle of mayonnaise in my hand, and I don't remember if I'm taking it out of the fridge or putting it back." "The third woman says, "Well, I don't have any of those problems, knock wood," knocking on the table. "Oh, hold on a second, someone's at the door."

Three nuns die and get to the gate of heaven... ..guarded by st. Petrus. He says: in order to enter the gates of heaven, each of you have to answer a question to prove your knowledge about the holy father and his reign. So he asks the first nun: who was he first man on earth? She answers: oh, that's an easy one! It was adam. And the angels sing and the doors open and she enters into heaven. So st. Petrus asks the second nun: who was the first woman on earth? She answers: oh, thats an easy on…

Three nuns died... ...and found themselves standing before St. Peter at the gates of heaven. "Before I can let you in," said Peter, "you'll each have to answer one question." The first nun stepped forward and Peter asked, "What was the name of the first man?" "Adam," answered the nun. And immediately bells began ringing and lights started flashing, and the gates opened up and she entered into heaven. The second nun stepped forward. "What was the name of the first woman?" St. Peter asked.…

So these two ladies walk into a mortician's office. The first woman says to the mortician, "I've got my husband here in his very best blue suit, but what I'd really appreciate is if you could have him in a black suit for the funeral. Here's a blank check, use whatever you need, I just want him in a black suit." The mortician agrees and thanks the woman and the first woman leaves. Now the second woman comes in and says, "I know I've brought my husband wearing a black suit, but I've always rea…

Heard this at bible camp some years ago Three nuns are praying to God one day, and God actually answers back. He says "I'm going to ask each of you a question and if you answer correctly you will go to heaven." So he asks the first nun, "who was the first man on earth?" She thinks for a minute and answers, "Adam." Bells and chimes ring and she goes up to heaven. Then he asks the second nun, "who was the first woman on earth?" She thinks for minute and answers, "Eve." Bells and chimes ring and s…

Three Nuns cross the road... They get hit by a bus, die and go to heaven. They reach the pearly gates and St. Peter is there waiting for them. As they line up, St. Peter says "Right ladies, in order for you to get into heaven you must answer a question each." The Nuns nod and agree. St. Peter turns to the first Nun and asks "Who was the first man on earth?" the first nun replies "That's easy, Adam!" "Correct, collect your wings and halo and come on in" St. Peter turns to the second nun and a…

3 Nuns at the Pearly Gates (very mildly NSFW) 3 nuns are in a bus in Colombia, which due to budget cuts breaks it's axle, rolls over, and kills them all. When they come to, they realize that the three of them are in a cloud-filled place standing in front of an elderly man at a dais, behind whom are enormous, gold-plated gates, which at the moment are closed. The man says to them "Welcome, my friends, to the Pearly Gates. My names is Peter, and I am the gatekeeper". The nuns, thinking that t…

Women and seduction: how (not) to Three friends meet and start chatting about their love life. The first woman has a lover, the second one is engaged and the third one is married. They agree to try a new seduction tecnique with their men so everyone, that night, is going to wear a lether black corset, 6 inches high heels and a mask to cover the face. The day after they meet and start talking about what happened. The one with the lover starts: "as soon as he opened the door, seeing me with t…

When the US elects President Susan Goldfarb ... The year is 2032 and the United States has elected the first woman President, Susan Goldfarb. She calls up her mother a few weeks after Election Day and says, 'So, Mom, I assume you'll be coming to my inauguration?' 'I don't think so. It's a ten hour drive, your father isn't as young as he used to be, and my arthritis is acting up again.' 'Don't worry about it Mom, I'll send Air Force One to pick you up and take you home. And a limousine…

Three Nuns die and go to heaven. Three Nuns die and go to heaven, but in order to enter, they must prove their faith by answering one question each. The first nun was asked "Who was the first man on earth?" The nun replies "Obviously it was Adam" The lights flicker, the bells ring and the gates open. The first nun walks through. The second nun was asked "Who was the first woman on earth?" "Easy" says the second nun "It was Eve" The lights flicker, the bells ring and the gates open. The se…

Three Nuns get into Heaven Three nuns had died and were going to Heaven. They gathered at the Pearly Gates and met St. Peter, who said "Congratulations Sisters you have made it to Heaven! Now to get in you must answer a question each" One Nun steps forward and he asks "Who was the first man in Creation?" "Well that would be Adam" she said. Trumpets played, the gates opened, and she walked in. The second Nun steps forward, and he asks "Who was the first Woman?" "Well that would be Eve" she…

First woman in space "Houston, we have a problem." "What?" "Never mind" "What's the problem?" "Nothing" "Please tell us?" "You know what the problem is." "If you understand me at all, you would've known!"

Three women die and go to heaven... St. Peter greets them at the gate and says "We only have one rule in heaven, and that is to not step on any of the ducks." The women thought this was a strange rule, but they went in anyway. When they entered they could see there were many ducks covering the ground and it would be very hard to not step on a duck. They tried not to step on any ducks but eventually the first woman stepped on one. St. Peter came to the woman and told her that her punishment for …

Three women decide to compare their husbands to soft drinks. Three women are out to brunch, and they're talking about who has the best husband. One of them decides they should compare their respective husbands to soft drinks (sodas). First woman: "My husband is like 7UP, because he's 7 inches and he's always up." Second woman: "Well my husband is like Mountain Dew, because when he's mountin' me, he knows what to do." Third woman: "Well my husband is like Jack Daniels." First woman: "That's …

Ducks in Heaven Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: Don't step on the ducks!" So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, And although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, 'Your pun…

3 Mothers attend a psychiatrist As the 3 mothers sit with their children the psychiatrist begins to make his observations. To the first woman he says, "You have an obsession with money, that is why you named your daughter Penny." To the second woman he says, "You have an obsession with alcohol, that is why you named your daughter Brandy." While this is going on the third mother begins to hurry her son out of the door, "Come on Willy we'd better get going."

Three women are at a restaurant getting lunch. They all date men named Jeff, by coincidence, and they always get confused when they talk about their boyfriends. One of the women says to the others, "Why don't we give our boyfriends nicknames so we can tell them apart?" The second woman, takes a drink of her soda and says, "Why don't we name them after soft drinks? I'll call mine 7-Up, because he's got seven inches, and it's always up!" The third woman says, "I'll call mine Mountain Dew, caus…