#first-mans

An optometrist was preparing an arranged marriage... An optometrist was preparing an arranged marriage for his 18 year old daughter and needed to find a suitable husband. His daughter was extremely beautiful and has had many men across the world ask for her hand in marriage and her father began seeing which of these men would suit her. After searching for a month, the optometrist had finally narrowed it down to two me who he thought could take care of his daughter. The first man's name was Juan …

Two men are going golfing. And the first one notices the second man is only bringing one ball with him, so he says to him ""Are you going to be alright with just that? Don't you want some spares?"" ""No."" Says the second man, ""This is all I need."" ""But, what if you lose it?"" ""That's what makes this ball so great. It's impossible to lose."" ""What? What about if it goes into the woods?"" ""That's fine, It's got a code I've scanned on my phone, so I can always track it. I'll find it in no ti…

A man is walking through the desert... A man is wandering through the desert along with his camel to bring along his food and water. When off in the distance he sees another man wandering around with nothing but a car door. The first man's camel had plenty of water so he knew he wasn't hallucinating. A bit confused by this he asks the man: ""Why are you carrying that car door around in the desert?"" To which the man replies: ""So in case it gets too hot I can roll the widow down!""

A man is sitting in the bar on the top floor of the Burj Khalifa.... ..when the guy next to him turns and says ""I bet you $1,000 it's so windy outside that I can jump out the window and come right back in."" The first man is intrigued and decides to take the bet. So the guy goes and opens the window, jumps out, and not two seconds later, to the first man's surprise, he comes right back in. The first man says ""That was a neat trick, but it's not a bet unless I can do it too!"" He then proceeds …

On the top floor of a hotel, there was a panorama bar... ...and two men were each enjoying a quiet drink. One of them asks the other: ""What are you drinking?"" The other replies: ""Scotch, single malt. It's pretty good."" Then the first man says ""You should really try out this bourbon right here - two shots of these, and you can do anything."" The second man wasn't convinced, so it was up to the first man to prove it. He swallowed his drink, went over to the window and jumped out fell all the …

Two rich men and a terrorist are on top of a building... ...and the two rich men decide that they will each throw a coin off the top of the building, and see who collects it at the bottom. The first man throws a silver coin, but it does not go very far. The second man goes, ""Hah! I bet I can throw farther than you!"" and throws another silver coin, a bit farther. The terrorist says,""I am sure I can throw a bomb farther than the both of you."" He then proceeds to lob his bomb a lot further than…

Three men die and go to heaven. At the pearly gates, St. Peter tells them that he will ask each of them a question and that their answer will determine how they will get around in heaven. He asks the first man, “Have you ever cheated on your wife?” The man answers, “No, never!” St. Peter says, “Good man, I will give you a Ferrari for your loyalty.” St. Peter then asks the second man, “Have you ever cheated on your wife?” The man answers, “I did once and regret it to this day!” St. Peter says,…

So these two ladies walk into a mortician's office. The first woman says to the mortician, "I've got my husband here in his very best blue suit, but what I'd really appreciate is if you could have him in a black suit for the funeral. Here's a blank check, use whatever you need, I just want him in a black suit." The mortician agrees and thanks the woman and the first woman leaves. Now the second woman comes in and says, "I know I've brought my husband wearing a black suit, but I've always rea…

A man is driving through the desert A man is driving through the desert. Thinking he's alone, he sees another man in a fancy car approaching in the distance. When their vehicles meet, the first man greets him and suggests swapping cars. The second man refuses, explaining that his luxury car is very expensive while the first man's is dirty and very old. The first man insists, claiming his car is magical. He rubs his car, a genie appears, and he asks the genie to make tea. The genie complies. Imp…

Boomer Sorting Three elderly gentlemen are moving into an assisted living retirement community. A case manager has been going through their paperwork and is welcoming them to their new home. She reads through the first man's file and says "I see you have an IQ of 135. You will be happy to know that we have a fully stocked library, a MENSA alumni club, and a speaker series with the local university." She reads through the second man's file and says "Oh, you have an IQ of 110. I think you will …