#chuck

"I think I stepped in some upchuck" What's up, Chuck? "Not much, but my name's not Chuck" *vomits*

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if you crushed his spirit by telling him how worthless he was and deprived him of a good education?

Carpet matches the curtains 10 year olds Andy, Ben, and Chuck are having lunch at school on Monday morning and Andy says, ""My Pa said that Mrs. Jones carpet doesn't match the curtains. What does that mean?"" Ben informs him that it is when a lady's pubic hair doesn't match the hair on her head. Chuck proposes that they see if their respective teachers, Mrs Adams, Ms Brown, and Mrs Carter have matching carpet and curtains. The boys spend the week trying to peek up their teachers' skirts. They me…

The simple rules of dating A farmer, Bill, finds out that his three daughters all have dates on the same night. Being protective, as a father is of his girls, he does the respectable thing, and walks to the door each time with his shotgun. At 7pm, the doorbell rings. Bill answers the door and asks the boy there what he wants. The boy nervously says ""Hello sir, I'm Eddie. I've come to get Betty. We're going out for spaghetti. Is she ready?"" Bill decides this boy has good intentions and lets Bet…

The Two Hunters One day, two hunters decided to go hunt moose. After several hours, they hadn't found a single moose. They decided to split up and cover more ground and then meet up in a pre determined location. The first hunter, Chuck, wandered off to the left, while the second hunter, Jeff, wandered off to the right. After some time, Chuck sees some bushes ahead rustling. He waits to see what will come out of the bushes. Out comes Jeff screaming ""i'm not a moose, i'm not a moose!!"" Chuck the…

Optimist Joe An optimist by every account, Joe was sitting in the bar when his friends come to him and say, ""Joe, how can you call yourself an optimist when bad things are always happening ?"" To which Joe replied, ""there's always a good side to every situation, you just have to know it."" So, they tell Joe, ""Farmer Bill's crops were all just washed away by the heavy rain and it's too late in the season to replant, how could that be good."" Joe then says, ""This was Bill's first year at harve…

In mother Russia... How much woodchuck would a wood chuck if a wood could chuck woodchuck?

Three chinese men named Hu, Fu and Chu come to the USA to live the American Dream Chu calls himself Chuck and opens a dry cleaning business. Hu calls himself Huck and opens a dollar store. Just Fu goes back to China disappointedly.

It's weird to me that the shortened version of Charles is ""Chuck"". I mean, what the Farles is that about?

There once was a family of 5 from China. Their names were Hu, Fu, Bu, Su and Chu. They wanted to move to the USA so they had to americanize their names. Hu became Huck, Bu became Buck, and Chu became Chuck. Fu and Su stayed in China.

A young man named Chuck bought a horse from a farmer for $250. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day. The next day, the farmer drove up to Chucks house and said, Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died.' Chuck replied, Well, then just give me my money back.' The farmer said, Can't do that. I went and spent it already.' Chuck said, Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse.' The farmer asked, What ya gonna do with him? Chuck said, I'm going to raffle him off.' The farmer sa…

Three action movie stars are sitting in a bar So, Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger are sitting in a bar, and Sylvester Stallone is like: ""Guys, we should make a movie with the three of us, but I'm all out of ideas at the moment, I'm kind of bored with the standard action flicks."" Chuck says: ""Don't you have any ideas?"" ""Yeah, this may sound silly, but I was actually thinking about doing a movie on great classical composers"" That's when Arnold trows himself in the …

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irish man are on a plane that is about to crash... And the pilot comes over the intercom saying if they want any chance of living they better chuck as much excess weight off the plane to help with the emergency landing. The English man picks up his prize collection of rare novels and with a heavy heart chucks it out the plane. The Scotsman chucks out his set of weights thinking how much those things cost to replace. The Irishman looks a bit uncomfortable and admi…

Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer... Too bad he has never cried.

Four Chinese brothers.... ...named Chu, Bu, Hu, and Fu decided to go to the United States of America. They had to Americanize their names in order to get a Visa... so Chu became CHUCK, Bu became BUCKS, HU became HUCK, and FU decided to remain in China...

True Chuck Norris Encounters A priest, a rabbi, and a potato farmer walk into a bar. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks them all in the face because he already knows this joke won't be funny enough. A reporter once asked Chuck Norris why he decided to shave his beard. He responded, ""I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you."" He then chuckled, realizing he was going to kill the reporter anyway. Chuck Norris once went on a vacation to the UK. Feeling thirsty, he went into an English bar and ordere…

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer It's too bad Chuck Norris never cries

Chuck Norris and the king cobra 2 guys are in a bar, and one of them said: guy1: have you heard about Chuck? guy2: Nah, what happened? guy1: He got bitten by a kind cobra! guy2: What?!?!...what happened next?! guy1: After five days of struggling and pain, the cobra died!

how much wood would a wood chuck if Bruce Willis is the Ghost

How many nuns would a nunchuck chuck if a nunchuck could chuck nunes? None.

There once was a farmer who was raising 3 daughters on his own. He was very concerned about their well being and always did his best to watch out for them. As they entered their late teens the girls dated, and on this particular evening all three of his girls were going out on a date. This was the first time this had occurred. As was his custom, he would greet the young suitor at the door holding his shotgun, not to menace or threaten but merely to ensure that the young man knew who was boss. Th…

The farmer and his 3 daughters There was this farmer that was really protective of his three daughters. In fact, he always met their boyfriends at the door with a shotgun. At 5:30 Friday night, there was a knock at the door. The farmer answered it with his gun. The guy at the door said, ""Hello, my name is Eddie, I'm here for Bettie, we're going for spaghetti. Is she ready?"". The farmer paused, then said ""Ok, she's ready"" . Another half hour passed and there was another knock. The farmer answ…

A green berret is sitting in his living room one evening... And all three of his teenage daughters come up to him, and tell him that they'll be upstairs getting ready for their dates. The old man just smiles and nods as his eyes turn to the gun by the door. Around eight 'o' clock the green berret hears a knock at the door, and gets up to see who it is. Behind the door, the man sees the boy on the other side all gussied up in a nice suit. The military man grills him for a moment before asking his…

Chuck Norris Never get tired of Chuck Norris facts, I would say jokes but I might wake up to a roundhouse to the face... 1. When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital. 2. When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down. 3. Michael Jackson could do the Moonwalk on Earth, but Chuck Norris can do the Earthwalk on the moon. 4. Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon or an apple. 5. Human blood types are usually 0+, A+, o…

A farmer is sitting in his living room. Across from him are three potential suitors for his daughter. Having a hard time deciding which of the three will get the honor, he decides to let them compete. ""Boys, I just can't decide so we're gonna have a little contest: Whomever can recite the best poem about their intentions with my daughter can have her hand in marriage."" The first guy clears his throat and recites his. ""Hello there, sir My name is Ted And your daughter I intend to wed I work re…