#conan-obrien

I don't play fantasy football, but I do play fantasy friendship. This week I'm starting Taylor Swift and Conan O'Brien.

True Chuck Norris Encounters A priest, a rabbi, and a potato farmer walk into a bar. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks them all in the face because he already knows this joke won't be funny enough. A reporter once asked Chuck Norris why he decided to shave his beard. He responded, ""I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you."" He then chuckled, realizing he was going to kill the reporter anyway. Chuck Norris once went on a vacation to the UK. Feeling thirsty, he went into an English bar and ordere…

Kardashian and Book Store Today, Kim Kardashian was at a Barnes & Noble in New York signing copies of her new book of selfies. Extra security was on hand just in case any real books tried to get too close to Kim Kardashian. By Conan O'Brien, May 05, 2015 [Source](http://teamcoco.com/jokes/may-5-2015-today-kim-kardashian-was-at-a-barnes-noble-in-new-york-signing-copies-of-her-new-book-of-selfies-extra-security-was-on-hand-just-in-case-any-real-books-tried-to-get-too-close-to-kim-kardashian)

TIL NBC had a show with the entire premise being an orangutan being a political advisor They decided to call it ""late night with conan o'brien""

Obama Jokes The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree . . . and think 25 to life would be appropriate. --Jay Leno America needs Obama-care like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask. --Jay Leno Q: Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal? A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it. --Conan O'Brien Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon? A: A fund raiser. --Jay Leno Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penite…

You know the honeymoon is over when the comedians start. The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree...and think 25 to life would be appropriate. --Jay Leno America needs Obama-care like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask. --Jay Leno Q: Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal? A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it. --Conan O'Brien Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon? A: A fund raiser. --Jay Leno Q: What's the differ…

A Michael Sam joke After being drafted by the St. Louis Rams, Michael Sam celebrated by kissing his boyfriend. This is historic because it’s the first time anyone has celebrated being drafted by the St. Louis Rams. - Conan O'brien

Sometimes when you cry, no one sees your tears. Sometimes when you are worried, no one sees your pain. Sometimes when you are happy, no one sees your smile. But you try lighting a cigarette on a bus and see how much attention you get! The New York City subway system announced it will hire 350 more workers to clean up the subway. So this brings the number of workers cleaning the subway to . . . 350. Conan O'Brien

Sarah Palin's chief adviser burst excitedly into her office one morning. "Governor," he beamed. "Some great news at last. Have you seen today's newspapers?" "I saw that there was a sale on at Bloomingdale's." "No, even better than that. According to a new post-election survey, people want you to run for President in 2012." The news was music to her ears. She stood up proudly and announced: "You mean I am the chosen one, the woman of the people? You say that thousands of Republicans have been ple…

Ramona, a Mexican housemaid at a Californian mansion, announced to the lady of the house, Mrs Spicer, that she was quitting. "But why are you leaving, Ramona?" asked Mrs Spicer. "I am in the family way," replied Ramona. Mrs Spicer was shocked. "Who was it?" "Your husband and your son." Mrs Spicer was mortified and demanded an explanation. "How did it happen?" "Well," said Ramona, "I go to the study to clean it and your husband say, 'You are in the way.' I go to the living room to clean and your …

A guy went into a shop to complain about his recent purchase. "I don't think much of these energy-saving lightbulbs," he said. "I still have to get up and switch them on." A group of scientists warned that because of global warming, sea levels will rise so much that some parts of New Jersey will be under water. The bad news? Parts of New Jersey won't be under water. Conan O'Brien