#chuck

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ......All of it.

Chuck Norris's version of a ""chocolate milkshake"" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.

Q: How many Chuck Norris' does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark.

Surprisingly, the only Street Fighter II move based on one of Chuck Norris' was Chun-Li's. Chuck Norris prefers to travel by performing four upside-down double-roundhouse kicks per second.

Most boots are made for walkin'. Chuck Norris' boots ain't that merciful.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris kills anyone that asks, ""You want fries with that"" because by now everyone should know that Chuck doesn't ever want fries with anything. Ever.

Chuck Norris' credit cards have no limit. Last weekend, he maxed them out.

Chuck Norris' favourite cut of meat is the roundhouse.

Chuck Norris' feet accounted for more damage in 2005 than both the war in Iraq and Hurricane Katrina.

Chuck Norris' chest hair has chest hair.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.

Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking...... because the Rock is Chuck Norris' personal chef.

Chuck Norris' house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

Chuck Norris doesn't get wet, Water gets chuck norrised

Chuck Norris' favorite cereal is Kellogg's Nails 'N' Gravel.

chuck norris's tears cure cancer, too bad he's never cried.

Chuck Norris' prostate is used to examine doctor's fingers.

Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.

Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.

Chuck Norris's show is called Walker: Texas Ranger, because Chuck Norris doesn't run.

The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm indicating that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case.

Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to begin eating itself, as it was the less painful way to die.

The crossing lights in Chuck Norris's home town say ""Die slowly"" and ""die quickly"". They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a pedestrian.

The Seven Wonders of the ancient world were: Chuck Norris' left and right hands, his left and right feet, his belly button, his liver, and his beard.