#first-person

Don't forget to cut me off so you can be the first person to the red light.

First person ever: I HAVE SEVERAL HOLES IN MY FACE WHAT IS HAPPENING

I'm curious about the first person who saw an egg drop out of a chicken & said, "I'm going to eat that."

The first person to ever call me a psycho was Lorraine from high school. Height 5'4, coffin size 84 by 28 by 23.

I bet the first person to keep track of his age was a gigantic tool "This is my 24th winter" Shut up and help us kill this boar, Stuart

At 4-way stop, the first person to finish their text has the right of way right?

Reckon the first person to make popcorn by accident probably ran away for a while.

I think the first person to see a pug was like wait why is that sweet potato snorting?

Strategy du jour for combating 5 & 7yo's over-competitiveness: "First person to say it's a race loses."

I wonder how long the first person to deliver twins waited before they realized that was the last one

s/o to the first person who saw a horse and was like "YO i wanna sit on that thing and make it take me places"

I bet you the first person to invent puzzles was a woman that ripped up a picture of her husband.

I was the first person to install trampolines in musician's tour buses and now everybody is jumping on the bandwagon.

I wonder if the first person to ever pop corn thought they were under attack.

There's no one worse than the first person to give a standing ovation in a crowd forcing everyone else to get up and clap.

First they came for the fat, whiny losers, and I said nothing, because they got me immediately. I was like the first person they got.

You should marry the first person who can understand what you're saying while you brush your teeth.

"Holy shit. That butterfly's gonna be HUGE." -- First person to find a mummy

The elevators aren't working and I work on the 10th floor. I just may become the first person ever to call in sick from the security desk.

The worst thing about being the first person to live on the moon will be getting caught lying every time you claim to get laid.

When my son goes to a party I always tell him "No drinking, no drugs and ALWAYS be the first person in a Human Centipede chain."

The first person to milk a cow probably saw a baby cow nursing and was like oh yeah people do that too and I have no food I don't wanna die

Pitbull is probably always the first person to hit "Will Attend" on a party evite.

[First person to ride a horse] 'I'm going to sit on that thing and I don't care how angry it gets.'

I bet the first person that heard a parrot talk really lost their shit.