#usa

It was the first day of a school in USA and a... ...and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?" She saw a sea of blank faces except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up: 'Patrick Henry, 1775,' he said. 'Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?'' Again, no response excep…

[Long]Three Toronto surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed..   One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Ontario. In my favorite case, a concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident;  I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England.   The second surgeon said.. "That's nothing. A young man lost an arm and both legs in an accident;  I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold Medal in track a…

USA has 9/11, France has 11/13, and Israel has? 24/7

A Japanese man on holiday in the USA Goes into a bank and asks the teller/cashier to change 1000 yen into dollars. The teller/cashier gives him 90 dollars. Next day the Japanese man returns to the same bank goes to the same teller/cashier and asks to change 1000 yen into dollars. This time he receives 85 dollars. What's this says the Japanese man, yesterday I get 90$ today 85$. Fluctuations replies the teller/cashier. Well, fluck you amelicans too, exclaims the Japanese man.

The Thin Swiss Wire A crew of Swiss engineerers was tasked by their government to create a wire as thin as possible. The project took months, years to finish, but at last, they succeeded. They produced a piece of extremely thin wire. It was so thin that they could not even measure how thin it actually was. Not only that, but it was also durable. They could not cut or shorten it, no matter how hard they tried. The Swiss Government was very proud of what their engineers created, but before they …

An old arab in the USA want's to plant potatoes,... ... but being the old age that he is, he cannot. He is sad, so he writes an e-mail to his son, whose studying in London. "Hello, Ahmad, I'm sad. I'd want to plant potatoes, but I'm old and weak" The son replies soon: "DAD, DO NOT DIG IN THE GARDEN!! YOU'LL FIND THE THING!!!" A week passes, and FBI agents arrive at his house. They dig through every centimetre in the garden, but they found nothing. They leave. The old arab wants to write his …

Four men were sitting together in a train. A Mexican, a Swiss, a Cuban and an American (USA). As they were talking, the Swiss man looked at his gold plated Rolex watch and realised it was dead. He promptly took it off then threw it out the window. "Are you mad!?! That must have cost thousands of dollars!" said the other passengers. To which the Swiss man replied, "Relax, I'm Swiss. I can easily get those where I come from." Some time later, the Cuban man took out the finest hand-…

The clever Doctor A Doctor can't find a job in any Hospital in USA, so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside 'GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100.' A lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic... Lawyer: "I have lost my sense of taste." Doctor: "Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth." Lawyer: "Ugh... this is kerosene." Doctor: "Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me $20." The annoyed lawye…

Asian Doctor An Asian Doctor can't find a job in any Hospital in the USA, so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside 'GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100.' An American lawyer thinks this is an excellent opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic... Lawyer: "I have lost my sense of taste." Doctor: "Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put three drops in patient's mouth." Lawyer: "Ugh... this is kerosene." Doctor: "Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me $20.…

From a Botswanan friend... A man dies and goes to hell. He finds that there is a different hell for each country. He decides he'll pick the least painful to spend his eternity. He goes to Germany Hell and asks, 'What do they do here?' ... He is told 'first they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day'. The man does not like the sound of that at all so he moves on. He …

Australia is doing phenomenally on the Olympic medal tally considering our population #1. USA: 318.9 million #2. China: 1.357 billion #3. Japan: 173.3 million #4. Australia: 48 as of last census

Freedom of Speech (USSR/USA) During the soviet era many Westerners doubted the freedom of expression given to citizens of Soviet Union, so a journalist set out to interview people from the USA and USSR to see how things compared. One American said "I am completely free to say whatever I think. For example I can walk into any public space and criticize the president." To this the Soviet responded "We too have freedom of speech - we can go to any public square at any time and criticize the pr…

Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him - "very quick." The lawyer said that the speed for getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions: LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?" POLE: "JA, JA, acre and half and nice little home." LAWYER: "No," I mean what is the foundation…

I recently met a Chinese man and his name was Kannaswami. I asked him: "How did you ever get a name like that being a Chinese?" He said: "Many, many years ago when I first went to USA, I was standing in line at the Political Asylums Immigration Counter. The man in front of me was a Sri Lankan Tamil refugee. The white lady at the counter looked at him and asked "What is your name?" He replied "Kannaswami". Then she looked at me and asked "What's your name?" I said, "Sem Ting".

One more for the road. Abu Al Abid went to USA for the first time, He opened a furniture shop & a lingerie shop. In 6 months.... he made a good business. . He sends an email to his wife saying: Please rush, pack up & come to USA, I sold 100 mattresses and 5000 panties. I made $100,000. She replies: It is better that you close your shop and come back fast. With 1 mattress & with no panties I made $300,000.. ...

What do you call a bee from the USA USB

A Mexican is using an American vending machine A Mexican is using a vending machine in the USA. He puts 70 cents out of the 80 needed into the machine, the machine reads "dime" The Mexican responds "quiero Pepsi" (Sorry if I told this badly, I heard this joke a long time ago)

What is the biggest city in the USA? Obecity

If USA is so great Then why was there a need to make USB?

What’s the worst college in the USA? The electoral college!

What's the funniest state in the USA? West Virginia. The whole place is hill areas.

What is the difference between USA and USB? One connects to all your devices and accesses your data, and the other is an IT standard.

Xi and Biden have a bet Xi wagers that in 100 years time China would be the dominant superpower, while Biden is confident that the USA will remain uncontested. So after their terms ended and they reached the end of their mortal coil, they were cryogenically preserved in Switzerland and woken up in 100 years. Strolling down the future streets of Geneva, they come across a news broadcast on a large billboard. “Ha! I knew it! China is a soft power giant now!” Says Xi, pointing at the newsreader…

Do you know which countries don’t shut down like the USA does when they can’t approve their budget? The other 195.

It's a shame nothing is made in the USA anymore. I bought a radio that said "built in antenna." I have no idea where that even is!