#dublin

Helping The Doctor A doctor in Dublin wanted to get off work to go fishing, so he approached his assistant. ""Murphy, I am going fishing tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me patients"". ""Yes, sir!"" answers Murphy. The doctor goes fishing and returns the following day and asks: ""So,Murphy, how was your day?"" Murphy told him that he took care of three patients. ""The first one had a headache so I gave him Paracetamol."" ""Br…

The Irish Millionaire Mick, from Dublin , appeared on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' and towards the end of the program had already won 500,000 euros. ""You've done very well so far,"" said Chris Tarrant, the show's presenter, ""but for a million Euros you've only got one life-line left, phone a friend. Everything is riding on this question. Will you go for it?"" ""Sure,"" said Mick. ""I'll have a go!"" ""Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest? a) Sparrow b) Thrush, c) Magpie,…

There was a tourist in Dublin. He was trying to get to London but was running a little short on time. He sees an elderly man sitting on a bench and thought the man might know a quicker way to get there. He approached the man and asked ""Sir, what is the fastest way to London?"" ""Are you walking, traveling by push bike, or motor vehicle?"" the elderly man asked. ""Well, car. I'll be traveling by car."" the tourist replied curiously. ""Well that's the fastest way I know.""

An Irishman walks into a pub in Dublin. He orders 3 pints of beer. He slowly drinks them one by one. The next day he comes in & does the same thing. After several days, the bartender says, ""You know, if you order them one at a time, they won't go flat and they'll stay cold."" The guy says, ""You see, I have 2 brothers, and we were very close. We've had to go our separate ways over the years and now live in different parts of the world. We promised each other every time we had a pint, we'd h…

A man called Andrew moved from Cork to Dublin to open a flower shop. He was quite successful and through great marketing, quality product, and reasonable prices, Andrew's Flowers became the top garden shop in all Dublin. Some monks that had a stall set up nearby took notice and, since attendance at the local parish (and the accompanying tithing revenue) was way down, they decided to grow and sell their own flowers. Since they grew all their own produce, the monks were able to undercut Andrew at …

Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one guy looks at the other and says, ""I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland."" The other guy responds proudly, ""Yes, that I am!"" The first guy says, ""So am I! And where abouts from Ireland might you be?"" The other guy answers, ""I'm from Dublin, I am."" The first guy responds, ""Sure and begora, and so am I! And what street did you live on in Dublin?"" The other guy says, ""A lovely little a…

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells him, ""You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it, and it would taste better if you bought one at a time."" The Irishman replies, Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other is in Australia, and I'm in Dublin. When we all left h…

Heard this in Dublin yesterday. A church's bell ringer passed away. So they posted the position and a man came in with no arms wanting the job. The clergy weren't sure he could do it, but he convinced them to let him try it. They climbed the bell tower and the guy ran toward the bell and hit it with his head. They gave him the job. The next day he went to ring the bell, tripped, bounced off the bell and fell to the sidewalk below. Two guys were walking past. One asked, ""Do you know this guy?"" …

What does an Irish terrorist attack and a gambling addiction have in common? Dublin down

The largest city in the world is... Dublin. Because it keeps on Dublin and Dublin

The three stuttering Irishmen.. A very attractive young female speech pathologist was presented with three young Irishmen, all of whom stuttered. She spent many long hours working with them both individually and as a group. She tried everything in the book. Finally, totally perplexed by their lack of progress she called them all together one day. ""Paddy, Mick, Sean. I am at my wits end. I am willing to make you this bargain. If any of you, ANY of you can say the name of the town where he was bo…

Did you guys hear that Ireland has the fastest growing economy in the world? Yeah, their capital is always Dublin

The population of Ireland keeps expanding exponentially It just keeps Dublin and Dublin

An Irishman, a Frenchman, and an Afghani man are riding around the world in a balloon... When they are over Ireland, the Irish man picks up an enormous bag of potatoes and says I'm giving my country this bag of potatoes, in hopes that some hungry souls can find happiness from full bellies.' He tossed the bag of potatoes over the edge of the balloon's basket. The Frenchman and the Afghani man think giving things to their countries is a wonderful idea. They set course for France where the Frenchma…

Irish Nessie Over in Ireland, in a lake near Dublin, thay have their own Nessie. It's a monster that likes to ring doorbells. It's a knock-less monster.

Why is everyone investing in Ireland? ... because the capital is always Dublin!

A guy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to another guy. The first guy says, ""That's a familiar accent you got there, where ya from?"" The other guy says ""I'm Irish"". First guy says ""I'm Irish too! Where did you live in Ireland?"" The second guy says ""Dublin"". First guy:""Me too! When did you graduate?"" SG:""1978. What about you?"" FG:""I graduated in '78 too. Where'd you go to school?"" SG:""Saint Mary's. and you?"" FG""I went to Saint Mary's too!"" About that time, a new person walk…

I've heard so many drunken Irish jokes, it's gettin' old... ...not everyone's a drunkard in me ~~Publin~~ Dublin.

The Queen of England and the Pope were at a public Mass in Dublin... The Queen of England and the Pope were at a public Mass in Dublin. As the two of them sat up on the stage, the Queen leans over to the Pope and says, ""Watch this! With one motion of my arm, I can make this whole crowd go nuts!"" The Queen then turns to the crowd and does her famous ""Queen wave."" Sure enough, the crowd goes nuts. After thinking for a minute, the Pope leans into her and says, ""With one motion of my arm, I can…

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells him, ""You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time."" The Irishman replies, ""Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left h…

The largest city in the world is: The largest city in the world is Dublin. That's because the size and population are always Dublin.

An Irishman walks into a bar in London , orders 3 pints of beer and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes, he comes back to the bar counter and orders 3 more. The bartender tells him, ""You know, beer goes flat after I fill it in the glass; it would taste better if you buy one at a time."" The Irishman replies, ""Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Dublin , the other in Canada and I'm here in London . When we left home, we promised that …

Did you hear about that brilliant Irish investor? His money just keeps Dublin

Why an Irish man might vote for Donald Trump Because he thinks his Capital will keep on Dublin under his presidency

Why is it so expensive to live in Ireland? Cause they keep *Dublin* the taxes.