#dublin

Two deaf guys walk into a bar in Dublin One goes and gets a seat while the other orders two pints. ""That'll be 30 euro please."" Says the barman. ""30 euro!"" says the deaf guy. ""Why is it so expensive?"" ""We've got live music on tonight"" says the barman. ""Oh."" says the deaf guy. ""What kind of music is it? Is it some rock and roll?"" ""No, it's not rock and roll"" ""Is it some Jazz?"" ""No, it's not Jazz"" ""Is it some Pop?"" ""No, it's not pop."" ""Well what is it then?"" asks the deaf g…

In Dublin, a very nervous Liam brings his girlfriend to meet his father for the first time. Liam (to father): This is Amanda Father: A fooking WHAT!?

is that your final answer Mick, from Dublin , appeared on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' and towards the end of the program had already won 500,000 euros. ""You've done very well so far,"" said Chris Tarrant, the show's presenter, ""but for a million euros you've only got one life-line left, phone a friend. Everything is riding on this question. Will you go for it?"" ""Sure,"" said Mick. ""I'll have a go!"" ""Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest? a) Sparrow... b) Thrush, c) …

An Aer Lingus flight to New York takes off from Dublin... Shortly after takeoff the Senior Air Hostess speaks over the intercom, ""Ladies and gentlemen if I can have your attention for a moment. I regret to inform you that due to a mix up before takeoff, we do not have enough food for everyone on board. Our current stock is just 30 dinners. However we do have a fully stocked bar, so if anyone is willing to give up their dinner, we will happily supply them with alcoholic beverages, on the house, …

The Irish must be very rich... ...since their capital is always Dublin

All the Dyslexic community in Dublin were getting angry about their lack of rights.( You would want to be Irish to understand) All the Dyslexic community in Dublin were getting angry bout their lack of rights. Therefore they decided to go on strike at the Dail. The strike ended up being called off because half of the people ended up at Aldi

The job interview. Seamus was good at a lot of things, except working. Fed up with her freeloading son, Seamus' mom said that he had to get a job, and arranged an interview for him at the city hall in Dublin. So, on his way to the interview, Seamus decided to stop to have a pint or two for courage. Before he knew it, hours had passed and he had but fifteen minutes to get from the pub to downtown Dublin. He drove like a banshee and made it to the city hall with a minute to spare, but, as he circl…

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating Ireland's football victory. Mick, the bartender, says ""You'll not be drinking any more tonight, Paddy"" Paddy replies ""OK Mick, I'll be on me way then."" Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face. ""Shoite"" he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face. ""Shoite, Shoite!"" He looks to the doorway…

A man walks into a bar... A man walks into a bar. Bartender asks the man what he'll have to drink. Man replies, ""I'll take a Guinness."" The man looks down the row of the bar to see two drunk men being very loud. He hears the first man say to the other man, ""Aye, I like your accent. Where are you from?"" The second man replies, ""Me? I'm from Ireland."" to which the first man replies ""No way, I'm from Ireland too. Bartender 2 shots of Jameson and 2 Guinnesses"" The men share their drink toget…

I hear Ireland's the richest country in the world... Its capital is always Dublin.

Two men walk into a bar.. And after a few rounds the first man turned to the second and asked, ""where you from?"" The second man replied, ""Ireland!"" Excited, the first man said, ""bloody hell, thats whers I'm from, lets have a toast to Ireland!"" After a few more rounds, the first man turned to second and asked, ""where in Ireland are ya from?"" To which the second replied, ""Dublin mate."" Once again, the first man excitedly said, ""bloody hell, that's where I'm from, lets have a toast to Du…

Did you hear the joke about the Irish city? You'll be Dublin over in laughter when you do.

Three Universities ... Three Universities all done research into why a mans bell end is shaped the way it is. Oxford Uni spent 100,000 in 6 months and came to the conclusion it is for the pleasure of the woman. Cambridge Uni spent 250,000 in 18 months and came to the conclusion its for the pleasure of the man. Dublin Uni spent 50 pence in 5 minutes and came to the conclusion its to stop your hand flying off the end.

I heard that Ireland is the richest country in the world.... Its capital has been Dublin for over a hundred years now.

To Absent Brothers An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finished all three, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender says to him, 'You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time.' The Irishman replies, 'Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we al…

Irish men at a pub Two men are sitting next to each other in an Irish-style pub in New York City and both order pints of Guinness. One of them turns to the other and asks, ""So where are you from?"" ""I'm from Ireland."" ""Me too! I'll drink to that."" They both finish their pints and order two more. ""Where in Ireland are you from?"" ""Dublin."" ""Me too! I'll drink to that."" They both finish their pints and order two more. ""Where in Dublin are you from?"" ""The East Side."" ""The East Side? …

Naming the twins A pregnant Irish woman from Dublin is involved in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly 6 months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, ""Ma'am you had twins! a boy and a girl. Your Uncle from Cork came in and named them."" The woman thinks to herself, ""Oh No, not my Uncle... he's an idiot!"" She asks the doctor,""Well, what's the girl's name?"" ""Denise."" ""Wow, that…

came from my uncle: Why is the capitol of Ireland growing so fast? because the population is always Dublin.

Another Irish Joke Two men are sitting at a bar in New York. Bartender walks up and says ""What will ya have?"" At the same time the two men say ""A pint of Guinness."" They look at each other and one says ""You look familiar, are you from Ireland?"" The man replies ""Yes, Yes I am, from Dublin actually."" The other man replies ""Me too! What town!?"" The man says ""I'm from Belcamp."" The other man replies ""Me too! What street?"" Man replies ""Clonshaugh Road."" The other man again replies ""I…

An Irishman goes to an American bar.. He sits down and orders three beers. The bartender thought that was odd but serves him the beers which he promptly slams down and leaves. He returns the next week and orders three beers again. Some of the barflies started to notice this behavior. This continued on for a few weeks until the bartender finally asked, ""Hey, what's the deal with the three beers at once."" The Irishman replies, ""Well y'see lads, back in Dublin, me n me two bruthers used to go ou…

What's the difference between God and Bono? God doesn't walk around Dublin thinking he's Bono

Three Irishmen are walking home after a night at the pub. They're all a bit pissed, and decided to take the shortcut through the churchyard. As they pass the gravestones, one Irishman says to the others, ""Look at this, boys. Ol' Patrick Flannigan lived 'til 85"". Another of the men says, ""Ah, that's nothing. Davie O'Toole is buried here. He lived to be 97."" The third Irishman says, ""Ah, they were kiddies compared to this old bastard. He lived to be 134."" The others are shocked and one asks,…

stat10060 So I got an email out of the blue from this guy from UCD (a university in Dublin) thinking that I was his Stats lecturer. Something tells me that he is not the brightest student in the class.. On Tuesday, April 9, 2013, Justin N****** wrote: Hi Jason, I was just wondering if is OK to drop the stat labs in the stat 10060 box, or if not when is the next lab that I could drop it in to. Thanks again On 9 April 2013 20:57, Jonathan W*** <w***j@tcd.ie> wrote: Don't worry about coming t…

One night at a pub . . . A Scottish man, an Englishman and an Irishman sit in a pub and discuss the best pubs around. The Englishman says, ""There's a pub in the West Midlands where the landlord buys you a drink for every one that you buy."" The Scot is not impressed and says, ""That's nothing! In the Highlands, every time you buy a drink, the landlord buys you five."" The Irishman, totally unimpressed, says, ""That's nothing. In Dublin there's this pub where the landlord buys your drinks all ni…

Two Irishmen Open A Pub... Two Irish men opened a pub in Dublin. They're open for three weeks, and *no one* comes in, they haven't had a **single** customer. Finally, one Irishman turns to the other and says, ""I've been thinking about our problem. I think we should open a Brothel."" The second Irishman says, ""Are you bloody mad? If we can't get them to drink beer, how in hell are we going to get them to drink broth?""