#highlands

Tour guide A tour bus is going through the Highlands when the guide spots a sheep with its head stuck in the fence. He stops the bus and gets out, saying ""watch this"" and then bangs the sheep. When he's finished, he zips up and asks ""does anyone else want to have a turn?"" Another guy from the tour says ""sure, I will"" and sticks his head in the fence.

Inferiority Complex An American was backpacking across the highlands, when he came across a small village where he decided to spend the night. Upon entering the local pub that evening for some drinks with the locals, he found himself in a conversation with one particularly drunk and indignant individual. ""Ya see that fence out there?"" The old man asked the backpacker. ""I built that fence with me own hands. But ya think they call me MacGregor the fence builder? No!"" ""And that church out ther…

One night at a pub . . . A Scottish man, an Englishman and an Irishman sit in a pub and discuss the best pubs around. The Englishman says, ""There's a pub in the West Midlands where the landlord buys you a drink for every one that you buy."" The Scot is not impressed and says, ""That's nothing! In the Highlands, every time you buy a drink, the landlord buys you five."" The Irishman, totally unimpressed, says, ""That's nothing. In Dublin there's this pub where the landlord buys your drinks all ni…

A Scottish man an Englishman and an Irishman were sitting in a pub discussing the best pubs around. The Englishman says ''There's a pub in the West Midlands where the landlord buys you a drink for every that you buy.'' The Scot is not impressed and says ''That's nothing! In the Highlands every time you buy a drink the landlord buys you five.'' At this point the Englishman is fairly impressed. The Irishman totally unimpressed says ''That's nothing. In Dublin there's this pub where the landlord bu…

My favourite Scottish joke [x-post r/Scotland] An Englishman is out walking in the Highlands and gets thirsty, so he stops at a river to get some water. He's about to bring the water up to his mouth with his hand when he gets interrupted by a shepherd nearby. "Dinnae drink oot the river, it's foo o' sheep pish!" The Englishman looks confused and replies, "I'm sorry, my good man, I didn't understand a word of that! I'm English and on a walking holiday!" The shepherd smirks and says, "I said u…

How to carve a fish. In the 70's in Scotland, there was a TV show called 'Weirs Way', where a man called Jim Weir would walk around the highlands, chatting with local characters. One episode, he met an old man who carved elaborate walking sticks. Jim picked up a stick that had a beautiful leaping salmon for a handle, and said to the old man, "So tell me Archie, how would you go about carving something as intricate as this?" The old man looked up from his workbench and said, "Well, it's surpri…

A guy goes into a bar and asks the bartender for his best scotch. The bartender reaches up to the top shelf and gingerly picks up a bottle of single malt. He carefully pours a shot into a clean glass and put in on the bar. The guy grabs the drink and throws it down his throat in one gulp. The bartender is aghast and says " Whoa, whoa that is 17 year old nectar from the Scottish Highlands. It should be savored and enjoyed not gulped like a shot of cheap vodka !" The guy says "You would drink it …

Proper English An Englishman is out walking in the Highlands and gets thirsty, so he stops at a river to get some water. He's about to bring the water up to his mouth with his hand when he gets interrupted by a shepherd nearby. "Dinnae drink oot the river, it's foo o' sheep pish!" The Englishman looks confused and replies, "I'm sorry, my good man, I didn't understand a word of that! I'm English and on a walking holiday!" The shepherd smirks and says, "I said use both hands; you'll get more w…

A Scotsman Moves to London A young man from the Highlands moved to the big city to seek his fortune. After settling in for a couple of weeks

A backpacker is in the Scottish Highlands when he comes upon a bar in a seaside village.

The sad scotsman A tourist is backpacking through the highlands of Scotland

An American moves to the Scottish Highlands... An American moves to the Scottish Highlands. After 3 months he gets a knock on his door from one of the local residents.

A tourist backpacking the highlands of Scotland enters a bar and inside there's only a bar tender and an old man nursing a beer. They sit in silence until the old man looks over to the tourist and says

The avid fisherman. NSFW A man checks into the the office at a fishing lodge in the Scottish highlands. After being given the key to his cabin he asks that he be given a 6 am wakeup call because he wanted to get started as early as possible.

A young Scottish lad and lass were sitting on a heathery hill in the Scottish Highlands. They had been silent for a while, when the lass turned to him and said: "A penny for your thoughts." The lad was a bit embarrassed, but finally he said: "If you must know, I was thinking how nice it would be if you gave me a wee kiss." So she kissed him. Afterwards, he once again lapsed into a pensive mood, prompting her to ask him: "What are you thinking now?" To which the lad grumbled: "Well, I was hoping …